What is wrong with me?

I have had the WEIRDEST two weeks of my life. I have just been on this crazy perpetual moodswing. I have gone from so depressed I can't get out of bed to so wired I can't sleep. I have jumped from loving the world to wanting nothing to do with any of it. I feel like I'm going crazy. I mean I will be so depressed that I am in physical pain... like, my back and gut will just clench up and I just kind of curl up in fetal position until it passes. I haven't been this bad in months. I thought that my meds were working. For a little bit I even thought that I was getting back to being me. But now this. I'm meeting with my counselor tomorrow afternoon, but I don't know how to bring this stuff up to him without sounding like I'm in need of some kind of drastic psychological intervention. I'm not sure if that makes sense. I just can't stand feeling like this, but even more I can't stand people looking at me like there is something wrong. I am a college student and I can't afford to miss classes or whatever. And I don't want to find out that there is something wrong with me beyond my standard clinical depression and have my friends and family walking on eggshells every time I'm around. I just started smoking again after almost a year of being off :/ I feel like a loser for caving, but I just don't know how else to cope with this level of stress. Ugh! Does anyone here have similar experiences? Or am I really just losing what's left of my mind? lol. (sorry to kind of make light of the situation. Sarcasm is sometimes the only way that I know of to really cope with my life.)

I feel the exact same way, I also started smoking to relieve stress and sometimes im so depressed I sleep all day and im usually in physical pain from it. Pain in the gut, I get that all the time. Your in college, so u must be 20, but Im going through the exact same thing at 15. Were not crazy, were not alone, we just need help. And i know how stressful times can be but we'll both get through it. Its a small rough patch, itll smoothen out soon.

Pm anytime, we can talk .

Hey sheilajane , I to have been diagnosed with depression but ive experienced those moods too. Its so exhausting & confusing. I find it hard to concentrate on things because I'm jus trying to figure why I feel liken this (down or on top of the world),are you the same? Maybe you should look into bipolar. I'm not saying you have it ,it's jus a posibility.
I wish i could help you but im in the same place as you atm.If you figure out how to bring this up with the counsellor tomorrow let me know too btw lol I'm trying to do the same. Not sure how to describe it.
Good look with your appt tomorrow and keep us posted ,
Carrie xo

Describe your symptoms to your counselor just like you did here, or maybe even print out your post and take it for your counselor to read. You might need a medication adjustment. Your symptoms sound significant and important to report, so that you will be able to continue with your life and your education.

That's exactly it! And I kind of want to bring that up to my counselor... my dad has bi-polar so I don't think it would be too much of a stretch to say that I might have it to. But, IDK... for some reason bi-polar seems so much scarier than depression. Maybe because I have seen how my dad gets? IDK. But I think that I am just gonna walk in there and be like "listen, I'm kind of concerned. I don't want to self-diagnose or anything, but something is definitely wrong." and then just explain it. I'm a little afraid to do this... but, at the same time, I think that I need to. Of course, I'm in a "good cycle" right now and we'll see how much this brave attitude lasts in a few hours. lol. But, for right now anyway, that's the plan. My appt is at 1:15 tomorrow afternoon. I'll definitely get on here afterwards and let you know how it went and what he had to say! Thanks for the support and I am so sorry that you are going through this too.

((((SheilaJane))))

Thank you for posting. I can hear the fear in your words. I think you are doing the right thing in talking with your counselor. And Rapunzel asaid something that is so important. Just tell your counselor like you told us. I know there have been many times I have written something here and then copied ut and took it in with me because sometimes it is easier to let them read then to try to remember what it is I need to say. Especially when I feel okay about it one minute and am not sure how I might be the next. This has happened many times as trying to remember specifics at times is hrd to do when there is so much I need to remember to say.

I think it is something to talk about with your counselor as far as the bi-polar goes. It can run in families and I think if you tell them about that it will help with what they look for. I really hope you will reach out and open up to your counselor. You are worth getting help and being heard. Know we are thinking about you and we will look forward to hearing how your appointment went. Take care. Sending gentle hugs and loving thoughts.

dps

Thank you so much for this response. I think I am just afraid to find out that I am bi-polar, you know? I looked a little into what bi-polar consists of and I'm thinking that I may have Bi-Polar II. I just don't know what that will mean for my future or anything. I am in school to be a social worker and I'm supposed to do a field placement next year in an agency in town. I can't do that if I have unstable moods, but my dad's meds don't just prevent the manic and depression parts, they keep him kind of... stagnant? Like, his mood is always the same and he just seems so empty when I see him. Like he could be talking about the Sox winning the Series, his dad screaming at him when he was a kid, my college education, a funeral... anything... and it's with the same tone of voice and facial expression. And I know that I can't be a social worker if I can't feel for my clients either. So I'm a little nervous about that. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place if that makes sense? But I'll definitely try to bring it up to my counselor tomorrow and see what he thinks.

Thing is, having bipolar is no better or worse than having general depression, it's just different. And if you have a doctor, KNOWING that it's bipolar versus depression could make a world of difference. Do you have a doctor? If not, can you get one? How about a therapist? It sounds like you might consider meds and/or talk therapy.

I'm glad you're trying to get a better idea of what is going on.

You should see a pdoc to get a ligitament diagnosis..I can see how thinking something is worst case senario can affect your way of living.. Your dad is bipolar so it is possible that you can be also..Meds can control it.. You don't need to be on meds like your dad.. There are so many out there now, that you cand work with your pdoc and find what works for you..It took them six years before they found the right combination that works for me..

So, I went to my counselor today and I explained the situation and he thinks that it may, in fact, be bi-polar II. We are going to talk about me meeting with a psychiatrist to get a legitimate diagnosis. i'm going to meet with my PDoc first and talk it out with her. Then she and my counselor will talk and compare notes and see if this is a good call or not. I'll keep y'all posted. Thanks for the support.

Good for you, SheilaJane. Today may very well be notable as the day you turned the corner.

Be well.

((((SheilaJane))))

Just checking in to see how you are doing. I am proud of you for looking into things. That is great. Looking forward to hearing more from you and how things are going. Please take care and I hope you have a good weekend. Sending gentle hugs and loving thoughts.

dps

Yeah it definitely sounds like bipolar x