[ltlredvett]

Once again stopping by to wish all of you well. I have made a sham of my posts, just as my life is a sham. I have sunk to such lows that it disgusts me when I even think aobut it. I started reading the replies to my other post and I couldn't even get through them. The stress that I am experiencing now is unimaginable... pains in my chest, nausea, diarhea... all things I know that I deserve. I guess I was looking for an escape. And escape from the pain that I was going through resulting from poor decisions I made in my past. The irony of this is that my behavior resulted in me losing so much more. The loss of my best friend, lover and someone that had the potential to be a lifelong partner. I know now I should of placed my energies there to achieve the peace I was looking for. The loss of her and the shame and humliation is unbearable at this point. Once again I am so sorry for misusing this board. I have turned out to be quite a disappointment to many people, mostly myself.

[AngieBaby]

Vett,

You're not a disappointment. You're quite the opposite in my opinion. It took real courage to do what you did in your previous post. I admire that greatly. Please continue coming here and talking to us as we are here for you and want to be of whatever help that we can be.

Take care of you and I hope that we hear from you again soon.

Angie

[Peanut61]

Hi Vett: Why are you leaving the board, and what about our replies gave you chest pain, etc.? I just don't understand. You can start from this very day to be the new you, right? What better place than here where everyone is already invested in your success, scars, (which we all have), and all? Your friend, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT </font color=blue>

[heidu]

No need to leave Vett. That's the purpose of this place. To help us find ways to solve our problems. You have a problem. You should be here.
Heidu
PS read my tagline, it's true!!

Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
~ Carl Bard ~

(image)http://us.greet1.yimg.com/img.greetings.yahoo.com/g/img/mmm/himm.gif(/image)

[Rapunzel]

You don't have to leave. Now that you have come clean, staying would give you an opportunity to practice honesty. You're still the same person you were. While noone likes to be used, you really have done more damage to yourself than to anyone else here. And you have contributed meaningfully to the group also. It's your call, but none of us have asked you to leave.

<font color=blue>Life is filled with tragedy; if you let it overwhelm you, you cannot enjoy life's innocent pleasures. -Robert Heinlein</font color=blue>

[LMo]

LRV:
GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF! This is not the end of the world! You are seriously overreacting, man!

Advice - go take a few yoga classes. You need to get back in touch with yourself. There is a lot of you to be appreciated, and nobody is going to appreciate you until you start appreciating yourself. Yoga will do wonders for that (and mind you, I don't do yoga regularly - it has just helped me through some really hard times).

You're making a much bigger deal about this than it needs to be, and you're making yourself sick. How about attempting THIS as a response to what has happened:

- come clean to everyone (already done)
- say you're sorry (already done)
- admit to yourself that you made a mistake (already done)
- promise yourself not to do it again (already done)
- figure out why you did it in the first place (already done)
- decide now how you're going to behave if you're ever in a similar situation in the future
- give yourself a pat on the back for recovering from a mistake
- go to a few yoga classes
- move on

Ian is going to be a-ok!

[kvinneakt]

What is this all about?

I have had some "issues" with a couple things you have said many weeks ago. That is ok. We live, learn, and move on.

I have noticed you seem to cling to your mistakes (like I don't. HA!) like an old war veteran who hobbles around on crutches in his worn out uniform to show the world how wounded he is. It really is pretty silly.

Let it go, Vett. I know you know to do that. Patch up mistakes as best you can and learn not to repeat them as often.

If you do leave us, that is ok. It is your decision and no one here should twist your arm. If you stay, that is ok, too, but it should be your choice.

Bumper sticker: Wherever you go, there you are

[ltlredvett]

LMO (and all)....

Thank you all for your kind words and support. And, I know that I cling to my mistakes, learning that in counseling that one of the biggest reasons that I am depressed and acted out is that I can not forgive myself for the mistakes that I have made. My therapist tells me that I bring this on myself because I wish to punish myself. And, as to why I acted out in the first place? It was twofold. First, an escape from what I had to face. I wanted the "high" of the experience but then felt like %$&* afterward which only deepened the depression. A vicous cycle. Second, I secretly wanted to be exposed, to get caught so I would face the ultimate in humiliation and punish myself furhter Punish myself so severely that I woulad wnat to end my life.

And, I am trying very hard to move on. What makes it difficult now is that so many people know what I have done. Makes it very hard. And the extreme guilt and remorse I feel over having treated my ex girl friend that way. That pain still runs deep and is something that I don't think I will ever get over. And as much as everyone on this board has been supportive, that is easy to do given the anonymous nature of this board. I have clearly lost someone I loved so dearly forever as a result of this. No woman would take a man back after this. And her friends I am sure would love to see me in pain.


In the end I have done a superb job of punishing myself. Even my therapist has to pat me on the back for that one. (tongue in cheek). She says that I have got just what I wanted.

This next few weeks are critical for me. I am very afraid. But I am trying to be strong.

[LMo]

I SAID: YOGA!!!!!!

Ian is going to be a-ok!