[Envision]

Just found this site today and the stories of the pain, of which I'm dealing with also, makes my wonder why this is happening to any of us. What could any of us done in life that would justify how some of us feel? It's not fair. And at least for me sometimes, my feelings lead me into bad choices, even though I'm doing the best I can. I've lost love, money, etc all because of a screwed up life that started in childhood and continues today. The decades that have been wasted simply trying to emotionally trying to keep my head above water. And yet I know that many have it worse than I do, yet they survive. That's amazing strength as many days there isn't a ounce of willpower left over for me. I hope all of us find peace and happiness in time.

[RedCylon]

I had to reply to this, because I've had this exact thought a million times since I was about 12. What the hell did I do to deserve this? What did I do so wrong? Aren't I a good person?

If there is one thing I learned from therapy, it's that there is always someone doing worse than you. It's bad, yes, but at least I'm not starving to death in Somalia, thank God.

Nobody asked for this, but it's just our burden to bear. Believe me, I've had the exact same though a million times.

Best of luck to you.

[DivideByZero]

I am not sure if this line of thought can lead to anything but frustration? The idea of fair would require a universe where we all come into existence with equal abilities and opportunities. This is not reality for our universe, everyone inherits different genetic advantages and disadvantages from their parents as well as being born into wildly different social environments that in turn afford difficulties and advantages.

Some aspects of our reality are difficult to accept. It gives me some comfort to imaging a universe where everything was equal (and consequently the same), such a universe would not produce the wild variance and spectacles of life that we have in our universe. It would be well...boring. In addition, such a universe could develop the same social advantages and disadvantages based purely on probabilities.

[possum220]

So many factors lead to all differing types of suffering. The list is endless and basically unanswerable.

Life is stin ki poo at times. Whatever the reason.

Pain is pain............. regardless of where we are.

Sometimes we just have to learn to breathe.

[1flagwriter]

Envision,

I have to agree with Dividebyzero...

In saying that, however, you can let the depression continue to allow you to think along those lines, or you can come to grips with your condition and decide to accept that you are who you are inside and out. You can view it as an enemy or a friend...it's up to you.

Imagine if you had cancer. How would your line of thinking help you rid the cancer from your body? I could only see one option...seek medical help.

I wish you the best and hope you feel much better very soon! Be encouraged that we care about you and hope you will continue to post often.

[Mike_J]

I know what I did, I was born, never asked for the curse of life to be thrust upon me.

I will never forgive my parents for doing this to me.

[turqoise]

hello
funny ive been thinking the same thing..not sure if you`re looking for a heavy answer, but here are my thoughts so far. i tend to like the thoughts that anything that happens in our lives happens for a reason, that there is a gift within the suffering, and that we choose our parents and even the unfolding of our lives before we are born. i think these ideas have helped me look optomistically at all the suffering ive gone through. recently, after years of depression which culminated in a suicide attempt, i just threw the towel in and wondered why the hell i would do this to myself. honestly. even with things learned, it just seems so excessive for indivuduals - all those who are suffering in any kind of way.

anyway, i came to the idea of thinking of me, and other vulnerable or suffering people, not as isolated individuals but people within societies.

you know he stories of miners who used to take canaries down with them to the mines? how they would know that the air was bad and to get out because the canary would die...well i think perhaps we are like the canaries of our society at some level.

we are the sensitive ones who have reacted, like indicators to the health of a society, when there are subtle holes or stresses or imbalances in that society.... we are taking one for the team, so to speak, absorbing the mess just because our matrix of circumstances put us in the line of fire.. until society changes something.

i read that in traditional african society, they believe that the reason people as individuals get hurt, or accidents happen, is not due to personal karma, choice, or coincidence so much as it simply being a direct indicator of health of the society as a whole. and an accurately reflective one at that.

lately, im happier thinking of my suffering in this way. you could flip it round and call it avoidance, but actually in terms of The Reason Why, i think it makes sense to look at ourselves as unknowingly so much a product of the society we`re born into...

[turqoise]

can i also add, that i think we are exceedingly brave (including all those who suffer in any way) for being the ones to be experiencing this suffering personally, and to be healing each as we know best, what is in reality the responsibility of the whole, not the pieces of society.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archive...fair-now-what/

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((Envision))))

Thank you for posting. I have asked this question many times and still do each time I work through something else that I did not bring upon myself. I think that there really is no answer. For all things happen for a reason and sometimes we do not know that reason for a long time. For some, it is to understand and reach others that have been where they are, for some it is what life has thrown at them. For me, I think sometimes that maybe a part of it was to be able to be here with all of you wonderful people and to give and accept.

I still ask why? I still ask how? I am not sure those questions will ever be answered. Maybe the better answer is what am I going to do now to live and go forward. I know that is not an easy question at all. Everyday I struggle trying to put the pieces back in some sort of an order that would resemble a hint of a human. My heart is shattered in so many tiny pieces that it is hard to even know that is what it is.

But each day that I come here and I reach out to others and I listen or share, I think I grow a little where I never had before. Listening to others and hearing how they find their way and work through things gives me hope that someday if I keep reaching and I keep getting up when it feels as though I cannot go another step, somehow I will make it.

It is not easy and somedays tears fall and the pain hits me to where I feel as though I cannot stand or take another step, but yet, I reach. And through so many people's words and stories, I find those pieces that connect somewhere for me what seems to be lost or not there. Sometimes when the words just will not come, someone else says just the right thing that gives me the strength to step one more step and to reach one more day.

For the first time, I have realized that that little girl did not ask for those things to happen. She was not bad, nor was she worthless. She had no choice but to do what she was told. Does not make it right, but it does relieve her of all the guilt and shame. And though I am not always there, I can see it for now which is something I could not always see.

Taking time to step back and to breath. Taking one day at a time and sometimes even one second at a time gives us a chance to just be. Some of us hever had that chance. Some never knew it was possible. I know for me, I never knew that was even a choice.

Thank you for your post. I do not know if what I said made any sense but it is how I feel. Sometimes these feelings come and go as they have not learned to stick yet. They are in my head just cannot seem to get them to my heart. Maybe that is because the heart never knew.

Please keep posting and letting us know how you are. Sending gentle hugs.

dps

brain chemicals do not have discrepancies.

[lorna]

I really liked your title. It has kinda been my motto..."What did I do to anyone to deserve this" Like when im down, I tell myself I don't deserve this... its the blame game and I know it

[LogicandJeans]

Sometimes we don't get to choose what happens to us, but we do get to choose how we respond to it.

Essentially, what we are doing when we focus on something being 'unfair' is externalizing the blame and blaming an external 'world' that you just don't have control over, instead of actually attempting to deal with the situation. I know it's hard. I've been in this mindset as well. But the only way to heal yourself is to focus on healing yourself.

[Envision]

The title and question are more of a statement than anything. It's something that I think all of us have asked ourselves at one time or another. Is there an answer to it? Probably not, as the solution resides in some of us individually, and in others the solution remains at large.

[siempre nada]

I agree, as royally jacked as the situation is none of us deserve this. That said, I do wish I could be the person who has friends to hang out with on weekends and do fun stuff without depression running me over. Of course I'm not, but I want to be that happy person with a life, so I'll continue to work to achieve it. I like to think that I'll be that girl with the "bad experiences that made me a better person" story.

The Depression Victim's Evolution of Feelings

[Envision]

You can be "that girl" that bad experiences made a better person. And your young enough that the whole world really is in front of you. List 2 important things that you already learned in life, either here or just in your mind. Will you do that again? Let's hope that your good opportunities are taken advantage of and the bad ones are recognized for what they are. No one lives long enough to make all the mistakes themselves, learn from others.