[Fox]

I'm really scared that my dysthymia is turning into a major depressive episode.

I normally am just low and have low energy and non-emotional (I think apathetic is the right word but maybe not that bad).

Since I got sick with strep I've lost interest in a lot of things that I usually enjoyed (mostly different websites that I play games on).

Now I'm just tired ALL the time. I can't get enough sleep. I have no appetite I force myself to eat lunch everyday and eat supper with friends usually so it's a bit easier to eat in a positive atmosphere. I'm passively suicidal if that's a word (I think I saw someone else use it and it kinda fits me I think). I wouldn't mind dying but I don't want to kill myself.

All of my muscles ache and are so tired. It's like this dull achy pain starting in my lower back and goes down into my legs. My neck and shoulders are also the same way.

I take vit. B12 for anxiety and if the pain gets bad I take tylenol or aleve but that's rare. I don't take anything for depression because the ones I've tried only made it worse or did nothing at all.

I can barely drag myself out of bed for work. My days off I go to bed usually around 1 or 2am and don't get out of bed till 3 or 4pm. On the days I work I get up at 10:30 or 11 since I go to work at noon usually. I like the people I work for and usually like my job but I'm getting burned out. I work part time at a cafe and have been there since the end of September. I force myself to go in and do my job each time but it's starting to overwhelm me. This is "normal" for me. If I work part time I can go 6 months before I start getting burn out, if I work full-time it's about 3 months. Each time though it seems to be getting stronger and worse. I'm applying for disability but I doubt I'll get it since I don't have much on my medical record. I don't have money or insurance to see anyone regularly.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do to pull myself out of this slimy hole I'm in? I'm realizing now that I can't do this on my own anymore, especially since the voices have become more negative this past week. (I have DID) I keep ignoring them and they're getting louder each day and the headaches are worsening but I don't know if they're DID headaches or tension.

[BashfullOne]

Fox I'm sorry to hear that your so depressed. You are always sounding so up beat, happy, and funny all the time. That in its self has to help you some what. But I know theres a point where that doesn't cut it anymore. Been there and done that. I got tired of putting on the "happy" face, hiding my real pain that no one wanted to hear about or deal with.
There is an over the counter product you could try calleld "Sam e" or something like that - it's a different version of St. Johns Wart that is supposed to help those who are depressed. You could give one of those a try. Its right on the shelf with the vits. It's not back behind the counter with the Sinus meds. Those are the only two that I know of that may help you. St Johns Wart and Sam-e I hope I was able to help you some. Heaven knows you helped me alot!

[thine_self_untrue]

(((Fox)))
My best suggestion is to hang on and wait it out. Things change and things have to get better sometime, even if they get worse first.
I sincerely hope things get better for you soon.

I have taken over twenty different medications for depression. I now have been on the same one for over ten years.

What you are doing is not working. Please consider seeing a psychiatrist again to give an antidepressant another try. If you are not seeing a therapist, perhaps you should be.

Good luck.

[Fox]

Thanks Bashfull I do have sam-e at home I keep forgetting about it. Maybe I should try it again. I tried it a week and stopped but I was feeling better on it. Only trouble is the cost. I can't afford to keep taking it I don't think but if it works then I guess I can't really put a price on my life right?

I feel like if I pretend long enough that everything's fine then maybe someday it really will be.

Byz no money no insurance

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((Fox))))

Awww----sorry you are feeling so bad. I know that when we get sick it can really take a toll on us. Sometimes we think we are well but our bodies tell us something different. Last year I got sick with mono and I did not think I was ever going to get better. It lasted for months and months before I finally got energy back and was able to function as before. When I talk months I mean 6 months or more. My body just could not fight it off and I felt so run down and tired I could hardly do anything.

As far as meds go, I know for me I have been on so many different meds (about 16 at once) and they were not doing anything. Being a multiple, there is no telling who is being affected by any med, and some did not think they needed it so they would not a lot of times even take the meds. So my doc took me off all psych meds because they were not being used right and that was more dangerous than taking something the way it was suppose to be taken.

I know that passive suicidal feeling and it is sometimes one of the worst places to be in. I am sorry you are feeling this way. Sometimes when things get so out of wack or control, it is hard to feel like you care not because you do not but because it takes so much energy to care. Hope you will talk about that with someone you trust.

Are you seeing a t or anyone? I know you do not have insurance but you can go through a clinic or something. Check with your city or town and see what they have to offer. Until then I hope you will keep reaching out here and letting us know how you are doing. Know that we care and are here for you. Thank you for posting. Sending gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps

[Fox]

{hugs dps} Thank you so much for your kind words.

Mono's baaaad I hope you never ever have to get it again. I'm thinking I might have S.A.D. too because every year about this time since we moved to SD I've been tested for mono except for this year since no insurance.

I can't see a T because of the money and insurance issue. The clinic here doesn't offer counseling anymore unfortunately. That's why I'm here, everyone here is like T's to me in their own small way.

<333

[thine_self_untrue]

Originally Posted by Fox

I feel like if I pretend long enough that everything's fine then maybe someday it really will be.

So very familiar with this feeling! I honestly don't know if it works better to ignore it or to accept it.
Keep us posted on how you are doing, Fox. Please stay safe.

[1flagwriter]

Oh my, Fox...please get better soon...you are such an encouragement to us here!! We need you!

Have you tried some of the herbal remedies out there? SJW does work. Also there are many herbs that you can get fairly cheap for anxiety. I used to take Kava, which has a very high success rate, and Valerian for sleep. that too has a high success rate. Please let us know how things are going...

[trevorzero]

If dysthymia lasts long enough, then it can be expected to evolve into a chronically severe depression, as opposed to being a chronically mild depression.

This is what has happened to me.

[caring_whiterose]

(((((Foxy))))). I am sorry you have been feeling so down. I know there is not a lot around you. So I don't know if they have like free counsuling by you. I wish I could give you better advice. I am here for you! ((((((((((((((foxy)))))))))))))).

Originally Posted by Fox

I'm really scared that my dysthymia is turning into a major depressive episode.

I normally am just low and have low energy and non-emotional (I think apathetic is the right word but maybe not that bad).

Since I got sick with strep I've lost interest in a lot of things that I usually enjoyed (mostly different websites that I play games on).

Now I'm just tired ALL the time. I can't get enough sleep. I have no appetite I force myself to eat lunch everyday and eat supper with friends usually so it's a bit easier to eat in a positive atmosphere. I'm passively suicidal if that's a word (I think I saw someone else use it and it kinda fits me I think). I wouldn't mind dying but I don't want to kill myself.

All of my muscles ache and are so tired. It's like this dull achy pain starting in my lower back and goes down into my legs. My neck and shoulders are also the same way.

I take vit. B12 for anxiety and if the pain gets bad I take tylenol or aleve but that's rare. I don't take anything for depression because the ones I've tried only made it worse or did nothing at all.

I can barely drag myself out of bed for work. My days off I go to bed usually around 1 or 2am and don't get out of bed till 3 or 4pm. On the days I work I get up at 10:30 or 11 since I go to work at noon usually. I like the people I work for and usually like my job but I'm getting burned out. I work part time at a cafe and have been there since the end of September. I force myself to go in and do my job each time but it's starting to overwhelm me. This is "normal" for me. If I work part time I can go 6 months before I start getting burn out, if I work full-time it's about 3 months. Each time though it seems to be getting stronger and worse. I'm applying for disability but I doubt I'll get it since I don't have much on my medical record. I don't have money or insurance to see anyone regularly.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do to pull myself out of this slimy hole I'm in? I'm realizing now that I can't do this on my own anymore, especially since the voices have become more negative this past week. (I have DID) I keep ignoring them and they're getting louder each day and the headaches are worsening but I don't know if they're DID headaches or tension.

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((Fox))))

Just thinking about you and wanted to see how you are feeling today. Hope you are doing better. Know that we care and are here for you. Sending you gentle hugs and loving thoughts my friend. Always.

dps

[1flagwriter]

Fox - We need you let us help you! Please keep posting, ok...

[Fox]

I'm not really sure what to say. It's just getting worse and tonight I'm so weighed down. I feel so broken.

[1flagwriter]

Fox, how are you doing today? (Wednesday)

Concerned,

-flagwriter

Maybe try getting some help here:

http://211.org/
http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Sec...iateFinder.cfm
http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/Page...?pagename=home

Call your county social services to see if you are eligible for assistance. See if any hospital or clinic might help. Visit your state's government site to find the number for information. Call to find out if you are entitled to any assistance.

Have you thought about applying for disability?

Good luck.

[1flagwriter]

Good Morning!! it's Wednesday and I was really hoping you had posted today to let us know how you are feeling today...

[Fox]

{hugs dear sweet byz} no money, no insurance, nobody'll see me without either. There's a clinic on a sliding scale but it's 86+miles one way. I applied for disability was denied and appealed and waiting again.

Thank you for caring so much writer <3

I'm actually going to the city today with my parents I'm going to go to Borders and am wanting to see if they have a guided art therapy book to see if that helps. I just have to find the gift card my grandma sent me.

I'm so irritated with mom. She woke me up I got ready and now I'm just trying to type this out with her standing in my doorway saying "let's go, c'mon" I still have to find my borders card and put my tip money in a bag and check my bank to see how much I have. I hate being rushed and she kept saying "relaaaax". I hate that word she says it just how I spelled it. I snapped at her cause I'm just trying to say one thing to you guys and now I forget what. And I'm having a bad hair day. OMG now dad's friend called saying he's going to come over so why in the world is mom rushing to go when dad's not ready yet???

[BashfullOne]

Oh Foxy!! I'm sorry but you put a smile on my face! I can totally relate to that!! Pushing to hurry you up, and then telling you to "relaaaax"!! LOL Talking about bad hair days....OMGosh!! I would scared the devil himself if he were to see me! I love Borders - hope you found your gift card. Have a good day and "relaaaax" if you can.... Sorry!!! LOL Thank you for the smile! {{{{Foxy}}}}

[turquoisesea]

hey fox, just one thought: you said that it got worse after you got sick with strep?

I've found that being sick makes me MUCH worse. I was week 3 weeks ago and I JUST was able to bounce back a bit. What helps most for me, is to try to get my schedule back ontrack, but to do it in a way that is positive rather than negative. If I get up soon enough, I can go to the special coffee shop around the corner for some caffeine (which I think helps me concentrate, making my day better, making my mood better). This reward for keeping schedule doesn't always work but it definitely helps! Normally I'd worry about the money but in order to get me over the slump I splurg a bit on things that will help make things better: coffee, and chocolate in small quantities.

If I do something good in the day, VERY small piece of chocolate. If I wake up early I get to get special coffee. If I do a good job in whatever I get some special "me time".

If I mess up, I try not to get negative - that digs you further into the hole.
"I'm just having trouble from being sick, I'll get it right tomorrow, and if I DO get it right tomorrow I can have *insert reward here*"

Though this approach is by no means perfect it can really help.

[Lostforevermore]

Originally Posted by Fox

I'm really scared that my dysthymia is turning into a major depressive episode.

Now I'm just tired ALL the time. I can't get enough sleep. I have no appetite I force myself to eat lunch everyday and eat supper with friends usually so it's a bit easier to eat in a positive atmosphere. I'm passively suicidal if that's a word (I think I saw someone else use it and it kinda fits me I think). I wouldn't mind dying but I don't want to kill myself.

Hi Fox,

I have the same problem as you do. I was also diagnosed with Dysthymic disorder and recently have been going through the same symptoms as you. I am sleepy all the time and barely eat. I have also been having bad thoughts.

When I told my T, she said that it sounds like I have moved from dysthymic disorder to major depression. She had me talk with the doctor and I have started taking meds. I just started taking them, so I'm not yet sure how helpful they will be, but I'm hoping it helps.

Are you seeing a T? I think you might be having a major depressive episode like me and you should try to get some help. I hope you start to feel better.

[Lostforevermore]

Originally Posted by Fox

I can't see a T because of the money and insurance issue. The clinic here doesn't offer counseling anymore unfortunately.

I don't know where you live but your county might offer services for people without insurance or income. I live in IL and I know that there are services here in every county for people without an income, you just have to look around. You have to call around to you county offices. That is what I had to do cause I don't have insurance or and income either. I'm now able to see my T for free and they help me get meds also. I just have to fill our a form and prove that I have low income and that I don't have insurance.

[Fox]

Bashfull- I didn't find it and I bawled and a little sort of partly possibly came out with my mom throwing a temper tantrum. It was weird cause I knew I wasn't myself but I couldn't stop it. I'm so upset because I ended up spending $40 at Borders. I could've spent only $20 if I had my gift card. I bought two books. One is The Art Therapy Sourcebook and the other is a CBT Workbook for Dummies. I hope between the two I'll unlock my creativity again AND get my life back in order.

Turquoise- Thank you so much for the suggestion. Tomorrow I'll award myself for getting up early by after my shower I'll make some pet rocks to sell in the local gift shop!

Lost- please keep in touch and let me know how the meds work for you. I bought some St. John's wort and am going to try taking it twice a day (instead of three times like the bottle says) to see how it works for me. It's cheaper than Sam-e but dunno if that means it's not as affective.

I live in a rural area but there's a T that comes to town once a month I just found out about so I'm going to call him in the morning and ask about what kind of fee it'll be to see him.

[1flagwriter]

How ya doing today, Fox???

[BashfullOne]

Awe... I know what you meant when you said you couldn't help it. Been there many times before. I'm so hoping that things work out for you with the T. I hope the St John's Wart works out for you. It's wise to start with twice a day vs three times a day. You are very wise and have so much knowledge that you share with everyone. You make everyone feel so much better. You always make me feel better. And when you hurt, I hurt for you - the Mommy in me!
Thank you Foxy for being my friend!

Let me know how the books work out for you. I just got my "Bi Polar for Dummie" yesterday so that I can learn about what it all means. And I already promised not to read anything into it! I think I resemble BPII - that's the closest as to what I have been through and go through.

Good luck with the pet Rocks! Do you "ship my snail mail"? I might like one...