[Blackwolf]

Here is the thing I really don't like about depression. Yesturday I was really down life was really beating me down. Now today it's as if I have no worries at all. I don't understand it. It has to be taking a toll on my family. I wish it would just stop and stay a straight line. Don't get me wrong on days like today it's great.

[Blackwolf]

Today is not as good as yesturday, not as bad as wednesday. It isn't like I try to be like this. But it has been this way for as long as I can remember. I wish I was normal.

Good days are a welcome respite. Perhaps you have made it through the funk? Time will tell.

[thine_self_untrue]

You have whole days? Most often I get maybe a few hours of feeling fine/good.
I hope you enjoy your day

[Blackwolf]

Some times I get whole days. Today has been up and down. Right now I am okay, we shall see what tonight brings.

[QuarterlifeCrisis]

I know what you mean about having everything be totally fine and then all of a sudden you're so depressed. It's really frustrating. I'm hoping that I can get on some kind of medication to help with the mood stabilization...

[Blackwolf]

Yep tonight is bad, I am hoping I get some sleep. But when I close my eyes that is when my own minds seems to turn on me. The last 3 times I have been like this I put on meds, but I don't like them. They seem to numb my whole system. This time I want to do it with out meds. But we shall see. If it doesn't start to lighten up a little I might have to go back on the meds.

[missmoonshine]

Sometimes I find it easier when I am struggling that my desperation is different from others and that they may think I am ok when I am not. That its sometimes not good to compare your experience with others as sometimes you need to ask for professional help and if you are still struggling let them know.

How are you doing, Blackwolf?

[Blackwolf]

I am doing okay. Saturday was an eye opener. We went to a benefit for some friend's daughter. Made me realize life is worth something. But friday night was bad really bad. I was really sad, and upset. So I did something stupid, I started drinking when everyone else was sleeping. Very dumb!! Never suppose to do that. This week will be a test. We have a family trip coming up on thursday, lots of stress!! Will keep you updated.

[Rohag]

Good Day, Blackwolf!

Originally Posted by Blackwolf

But when I close my eyes that is when my own minds seems to turn on me.

This is familiar. Even with meds I too often have trouble falling asleep. In my own experience, I find it helpful to listen to music or light talk (TV on a timer) to take my mind off the process of falling asleep. For me, thinking about falling asleep is almost certain to keep me awake.

Hoping you find non-medicinal ways of coping

[Blackwolf]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Good Day, Blackwolf!

This is familiar. Even with meds I too often have trouble falling asleep. In my own experience, I find it helpful to listen to music or light talk (TV on a timer) to take my mind off the process of falling asleep. For me, thinking about falling asleep is almost certain to keep me awake.

Hoping you find non-medicinal ways of coping

I have tried t.v. when I can't fall asleep. I put on ondemand. We have wwe classics on demand. Which is kind of funny when you think about it. But for some reason I can close my eyes and just listen and fall asleep.

[billieJ]

Dear Blackwolf, you are fortunate to have good days, and I hope sincerely that you have more and more of them. Do you take an antidepressant? Or a mood stabilizer? Depression is a female dog, if you know what I mean. It's a life destroyer. May you grow to have all good days. From the Heart ~ billieJ

[Blackwolf]

Okay I could handle today until about 1:50 p.m. That was when I got a phone call that my cousin had died in a car accident. Since then I have not felt anything. I am pretty sure it is shock. Not something to have dumped on you when you are already depressed. I guess the one good thing is I can't go much deeper into depression now. But you never know. I am sorry if I am not suppuse to post that here. If you have to delete the post I understand.

[Blackwolf]

Okay today was a weird day, I was down most of the day. I still haven't come to terms with what has happened. But with each passing day gets a little better. I might have turned a corner. I feel better then I have in the last few months. I think my anger has a lot to do with my depression. The more it builds the more depressed I get. I came to that this evening. Don't get me wrong, controling that one little thing isn't the whole answer. But it has to be a step in the right direction.

[Blackwolf]

This is the second night in a row with little sleep. About an hour, which is a bad sign. But at least I am still eating. I haven't felt like this in a few years. I know what brought me to this point this time. No wondering what happened. I am hoping I can get past this with out doing anything stupid.

Are you receiving any professional help?

[Blackwolf]

Not yet, but I am really leaning toward it. If just for some one to talk too.

How goes it, Blackwolf?

[Blackwolf]

It's going. How about you?? Last night was a pretty good night. Went out, looked into getting help yesturday. Baby steps, you know what I am saying??