[ogette]

I am really in a bad way right now. My appointment with the (new) therapist is July 6. The psych appointment is at the end of July.

It's like I have pretended for so long, (to my family, to my young sons, my daughters) that I'm OK and now that I've admitted that I'm NOT OK, I have run out of resources to deal with life. I'm crying. I'm overreacting. I'm afraid of all the huge emotions that I have kept bottled up and under wraps for years. I'm afraid that I wont be able to handle the fall out when they erupt. I'm afraid that I wont be able to control when and how they erupt, and I don't want to negatively influence my kids, especially my sons, who are 8 and 10.

I have asked my Mom to take my sons, (my daughters are grown) next week so I can get some time away, some time to really think about what I need to get out of therapy, some time .... to pull into myself, which is what I feel the need to do. I haven't had time away from my sons for a few years. I'm burnt out.

I just feel very, very vulnerable. And very, very alone. No one knows what goes on with me. I tell no one. I have nobody to tell, it would just worry others, and I don't want to burden them with me.

Thanks for listening,
Jan

[jmo531]

(((((((((((((((((((((Jan)))))))))))))))))))))))

I understand your feelings and you are not alone. Like you, I have younger children in my house and it's hard to keep all those feelings bottled up. Just hang in there a while longer. Go in the bathroom if need be and just have a good cry. Anything to release the pressure your feeling. In fact. I had to do that just last night. It helps.

It also helps to post here. Keep venting. Let it out here until you see your T. We are here for you. Hang in there.

Much love and peace to you.


Jen

((((((((((((((Jan)))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry things are rough right now for you. (pausing for you to receive comfort) I hope you can find others who could stand by you during this time -- maybe a weekly lunch with a friend, pastors wife, close relative -- anything to brighten your day and allow you to talk about things bothering you. You are very much cared about! Dont forget that.

[cat_eye]

((((((((((((ogette))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry things aren't going so well. As my pdoc would say, you are having "emotional hiccups" (yeah, he's really weird). You can talk about your feelings here...we're always here to listen.

[Parker10]

SO many changes right now for you, its no wonder you are feeling overwhelmed. Time away from your children, to set some goals, and deal with some of the feelings you are having sounds like a great plan ! We are here for you - keep us posted how u are feeling - we care !

[ogette]

Thank you all for your support....

my appointment is tomorrow. I'm scared. I'm afraid to divulge all my dark secrets...I'm afraid not to be honest. It seems as if so much is riding on this try at getting well...

Parts of me tell me that this is hopeless and why am I trying anyway...it wont work. In fact, a huge part of me is saying that. Why did i make that call? I'm afraid.

Thanks for being there for me...