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#1
Apr 25, 2010, 10:45 AM
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First off, I'd like to apologize for posting so much lately.
 I don't mean to be "needy", but there's really nobody else I can talk to.As the title says, I'm in a bad place. I'm at the place where I want to die but cannot do it myself. I have been praying to God (even though I'm not religious) to please kill me. So technically, I'm not a danger to myself - YET. But I can picture myself doing something stupid in the future. I'm feeling so so bad today because something horrible happened in the family, that I can't post here. But it has made me feel like absolute crap. I keep having images, almost fantasies, of being gone. This is how it started before, when I did my first attempt. I'm scared. I have no T, no psychiatrist or family doctor. I just want it to be like I never existed, and yet another part of me wants help to not feel this way. |
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#2
Apr 25, 2010, 10:51 AM
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I have the same desire to somehow erase my existence, why couldn’t my parents have gotten into some stupid fight the night I was conceived, and then I never would have been.
I’m sorry you are in a bad place, with I could give you a map out, but I can’t, I can only wish you luck. That and tell you that you deserve to be happy (we all do)
__________________
“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. ... We need not wait to see what others do.” Gandhi |
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#3
Apr 25, 2010, 12:03 PM
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Dear Ohseedee, go ahead, be needy!
 Quote:
__________________
My dog  mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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#4
Apr 25, 2010, 12:11 PM
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"ohseedee" - I smile every time I see your name on the boards - I think that is so clever
 I'm sorry you are feeling so horrible right now and wish I could be of more help. 
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#5
Apr 25, 2010, 12:24 PM
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((((((((ohseedee))))))))
 You're in the perfect place to be needy! Take as much strength and comfort from here as you can; there's plenty to go around. I hope that these feelings don't last. I know how painful and overwhelming they can be. Hang in there. You're not alone!
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Rebecca "If you're going through hell -- keep going." - Winston Churchill It's better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection. - Elizabeth Gilbert Bring on the wonder, we got it all wrong, we pushed you down deep in our souls, so hang on. Bring on the wonder, bring on the song, I pushed you down deep in my soul for too long. - Susan Enan http://igetupagain.wordpress.com/ |
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#6
Apr 25, 2010, 08:41 PM
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Thank you very much everyone for your replies, they mean so much at a time like this. It feels like this has been the longest day ever, like weeks, even though everything horrible just happened this morning. I have tried to do normal things today to keep my mind off things - go for a walk, play basketball with my siblings. The thoughts still linger though. It's going to feel weird going to school tomorrow...academics seem so meaningless. Everything does.
I have to appear strong during this time, because somewhat of a crisis happened in our family just this morning. It would be selfish for me to concern my family with more stuff. |
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#7
Apr 25, 2010, 09:03 PM
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ohseedee
I hope you soon find a good place.
__________________
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
Depression is not a weakness ...... it is a sign that you have been strong for too long. 
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