[anna342]

These past couple of days are just getting worse and worse. I phoned the crisis team, they asked what I wanted from them to help me, I didn't know. They said they can't really help me. I've lost my job because of my health, I feel so low and worthless but I don't want to give up for some reason. I can't handle the pain inside me of feeling like this.

There is treatment lined up, in the months to come. My weekly group isn't on this week. It all feels too far away when I'm just layed here in bed not knowing how to cope. I've learnt distraction and coping skills, but I can't get myself out of bed to do anything, it all feels so pointless.

[perpetuallysad]

I'm so sorry you've lost your job. That's a really hard thing to deal with. I struggle with the ability to get out of bed myself quite a lot. Since I feel so much more comfortable there, I "let" myself have extra time in bed. Like I schedule it in my head. After I get my family off to school and work, I usually will go back to bed until 9:30. This gives me the extra comfort that the bed offers & a goal for when to get out of bed. I have a lot of trouble sleeping at night time and its so much easier for me during the day. Anyway, over the past 3 weeks, aside from the whole kidney stone debacle, I have not gone back to bed. Its taken me about 8 months to bring myself to this point.

Bed is safe and comfortable. Are there a few things you can do, then reward yourself by getting extra sleep/bed time? Or vice versa?

I hope things get better.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hey Anna,

All I can offer is support and understnading. I know exactly how you feel; I really hope that things change for you, and that you feel better soon.

Rhiannon

[anna342]

Thank you both for the support. I have been trying to get a few things done. I did the washing up, then returned to bed. I'd also like to clean the bathroom today, so I sppose that is the next goal. Maybe if I do like you said, putting times to it, then it'll be easier. I'm expecting a phone call in a bit, so I will say after that I will aim to get up and do the bathroom.

[perpetuallysad]

Good for you. Small reachable goals are always good ways to feel accomplished and that helps with motivation.

Hope you are better soon, anna342.

[anna342]

I did it, cleaned the bathroom and then hoovered downstairs too. I feel quite good about that.

I realised though, when speaking to someone on the phone that actually the crisis team, my gp, whoever, cannot really do anything right now. I feel low and I hate feeling like this, but there is nothing anyone can actually do to change that. I would have liked them to just listen to me, but that is not really what they are there for. I need to look in more appropriate places I guess. Friends are out of the question, I don't really have any. I guess I need to turn to my family and helplines if there is something that I want to talk about, but otherwise I need to make the effort to keep going and just cope with the feelings. No one can take away the feelings, as much as I'd like them to.

So I need to just get on with my life, stop asking for help when nothing can be done. If I have nothing to say then there is nothing anyone can respond with.

[Lisa Michelle]

Anna, nobody can take away the feelings, but I think sometimes when we talk about them we can begin to deal with them better. Do you not have a therapist who you can talk to?

Well done on the cleaning, that's really good you were able to do that, I know it's hard to be motivated to do anything on those don't-want-to-get-out-of-bed days. Most days I do hardly anything! Even when I'm not depressed.

Waiting is horrible, but it's just something you need to do, I suppose. Once your treatment in the next few weeks is in place I'm sure things will begin to improve a lot.

[SophiaG]

try reading a few self-help books in the meantime, or popping your head into one of the guided chats here on PC

[anna342]

Thanks for more replies!

I'm doing a bit better now I think. Still feeling horrible, but not as bad. I spend quite a bit of time in chat anyway, I think that helps. I don't think it's help though that my group didn't run this week, so it'll be another week before I have a chance to talk. I don't have a therapist, so I can't really work on any of this stuff, it's hard work.

May you be better soon, anna342.