WHY

I don't know how I am going to make it through work tomorrow. One of my supervisors just came back from maternity leave I met her for the first time today and I've already broken down because of her. She makes me feel so inadequate. She doesn't seem to understand the way I think, and therefore makes it sound like I am thinking about it wrong. I know she doesn't say it, but she might as well. I know I must be overreacting because my partner doesn't eel the same way, but I can't help it. All I could do was hold back the tears until she left and then cried in the bathroom. When I was coming back I could hear her talking to m partner in our office so I waited around the corner till she left...trying to keep under control. Her way of thiinking has made our task nearly impossible now. That is enough to make me fall apart(unlike my partner whom you should be able to tell by now is way more in control of herself...despite that I did better on the task we were just being lectured on), add onto that the fact that all she does is make me feel worthless and bad/wrong at everything how am I going to make it. Our offices are almost right next door and we have a meeting with her tomorrow. It makes me feel so sick. Why do I feel this way? Why doesn't my partner understand and just thinks I'm way overreacting? Why does she make me feel so inadequate?

Hi Icky,

You just met your supervisor for the 1st time today, and she made you break down already. Wow, something really is wrong with this picture!
Your explaination was rather vague, so therefore, it is a bit hard to analyze on your situation. Perhaps you could go into a bit more detail on it.
Do your best tomorrow anyway!

Sincerely,

SongBird

so sorry your having a rough time right now

I am sorry you had such a first rough meeting with her. Usually it runs a little smoother when you first meet.

Is it possible that you felt that way? I mean when I was working and wasn't sure of something I was doing and someone said something I was fearful I didn't do it the correct way and questioned my own ability.

Yet when I know what I did was good I don't even consider the negatives.

I hope it gets better for you, nothing worse then having an overbearing supervisor hanging on your head!
(((hugs)))

but it did

Now, not only is she one of my many supervisors, she is the one incharge of us(my partner and I). I know my feelings can be irrational, but that doesn't change the fact that they are there. Everytime I try to explain to her why I can't understand (due to her useing a different scale) she ignores me and tries explaining it again and again in the exact same words, like if she repeats it enough I will get it, and then gets frustrated with me because I don't get it and acts like I'm stupid. If I was stupid I wouldn't have got this position. I don't know what to do. The only thing I have been trying to keep in my mind is that there were two other people incharge of us that we would go to first. Now she has taken that away and we have to go straight to her.

Then go and talk to her and tell her how you feel then if doesn'y aknowledge how feel then go go striaght to her supervisor if that doesn't work then just tel her to %#@&#! off cause that no way to be treated at work or at school, the best thing to do is just confront her and tell how you feel, it might not be easy but it will work and if she doesn't listen then you weren't meant to work there.

Maybe you could get your partner to help you find some strategies of communicating, understanding, and coping with her.

Also, I don't quite understand what you mean when you say "using a different scale," "her way of thinking" or "doesn't understand the way I think." What are the differences? What job do you do?

I'm a Research Apprentice in Behavioral Neuroscience. We are analyzing SCR graphs (skin conductance response, measures how aroused you are when veiwing a certain set of pistures). On the computer you can change the scale to different settings. We learned on the opposite setting she does and she can't seem to understand that this big __ in one is a total different length in ours and she keeps defineing rules useing "If it is flat for just a little ways"...and she can't understand why we can't interpret her rules when she uses "little ways" to define because little ways isn't specific enough nor is it the same on ours. I could get more into describing the process but this is the simplistic version.

The first rule about working is "Don't stay in a work place that makes you upset or you don't like".

****((((hugs)))))***** she can't possibly know all about you and your partner's work by just meeting you... and neither can you say she doesn't understand you at all, and expect things to stay that way.. not after just meeting. I'm sorry you are having these feelings, try and push through them, it may turn out to be a great relationship after all!

Actually she does know all that my partner and I are doing because we're helping on a project she is thoroughly involved in. And I didn't truelly know whether I was going to hate her then, but that is what it felt like. Now I've been through 2 more meetings with her, and a lab meeting, and all she does is make me feel worse. She is also starting to annoy my partner, so at least I know I'm not the only one. She just doesn't respond as dramatically as I do. I know that I overreact a lot, but I'm getting a lot better. I've managed to talk myself down enough to not have a panic attack and to not throw up as a reaction to her. I am making progress, but I can't help these feelings that keep building up.

All I can think of is that perhaps you and your partner, or maybe another supervisor familiar with the project could try and come up with a way of dealing with this. It sounds like it effects everyone you might as well pool your resources. I work in a research environment as well and these kind of problems can cause a lot of distress.

K. Well, may need some teambuilding there.. perhaps you could sneak some of it in since the company hasn't offered??? Remember, she is just another person... she may have information and knowledge that you don't, and vice versa. She might be just as nervous about taking the position... and in that not reacting quite like she wants to?

I think you need to try and approach her when your calm. Try to explain what you said to us.I worked in a lab where one scientist in charge was just mean no matter what she said. I think she yelled at everyone because she had no patience for mistakes!
Finally everyone went to the boss and told her how she was making us feel. She started to be a little better so give it a shot with your friend. Good Luck!
Dusty

Thanks guys. Things are going a little better now. She wasn't here today and I think part of it was overreacting on my part due to all the stress going on right now. I finally hit bottom yesterday, and had a complete melt down. At least it was at home. All I did was lay in the bottom of the shower and cry and through up. I feel a lot better today. STill stressed and now I have one hell of a headache, but I really neded that. It has calmed me down but if she keeps up how she acts next week I will use your advice and talk to her or the boss about it...with my partner. I really appreciate the support.