Trying

((((((((((((sj))))))))))
write it all down--stream of consciouness. just write and write and write till you can't write anymore. don't even read what you wrote. then put it away and breath. light a candle for yourself and all the pain and then wrap yourself and that child part in a big blanket and give yourself time and permission to take care of you.
you can get through this. you have survived worse than this. these are feelings and they can't hurt you--they make you feel like cr*p, but they can't harm you.
(this is what T tells us all the time). you may not belive it now, but that's ok. just keep saying it over and over.
find a picture you like--something peaceful, beautiful, or fun. commit that picture,/place to memory and go there when you feel the way you do.
post your thoughts and feelings here.
our thoughts are with you
w_i

Too tired today to even try.

you are allowed to take a break and just do nothing. i have alot of sessions where the rest of the day and the next are totally lost. i sleep or i just veg. can't read or watch tv. i usually curl up with my dogs or sit on the porch with a cup of coffee and take in the sounds of birds and such (we live in the country). be VERY gentle with yourself and your inner child. it's ok for her to be out and express herself.
it feels strange, but she was never validated before, so allow her to be now.
be gentle and kind to yourself.
w_i

susan, take care of yourself and rest. i've been in your spot and know how hard it is to give yourself a break. i'm so proud of you and support you, even from this distance. you're a strong woman and you've got tons of love here........xoxox pat

Thanks!
Having such a hard day after such an intense night.
I have a migraine, I am totally drained and emotionally exhausted. Being at work has been grueling today!
I know I frustrate my gf but when she says things like "people who really want to die don't tell anyone they just do it"...well, it makes me so angry that I feel like she is challenging me to show her exactly how I am feeling!
I can be extremely spiteful in that way.
It has taken several weeks from going from hohum to full blown anger pumping throw my veins. And that anger is doing all it can, and using mighty forces to excrete from my body.
I feel like I could plow right throw a brick wall with once try.
Then, in the midst of trying to resolve what is going on inside; And trying to free the little girl down inside of me who has been crying and screaming for help...well, in the midst of that I have increased seeing my T 2x this week and made 2 appointments for next week and my gf is telling me I cannot afford that. I tried telling her that I could afford that more then winding up in the hospital or dead.
I feel like I am trying to take care of myself the best way possible considering my time line, considering my thoughts, considering the hurt and sadness inside of me and now I am getting flack for trying to take care of things by seeing the T 2x in a week.
I am so angry and frustrated. Trying doesn't seem worth it!

Good for you for seeing your T twice a week when you need to. I could say something to your g/f myself but I won't do so here
(sigh I relate to a lot of what you write)

Be safe,
Fuzzy

sweetie you have to do what is best for you.. Not what she says it best..

We have to keep tryign no matter what others say or do..

Yes some people who say the things you are saying as a time line just say that as an attetion getter but I do not see that as you ... I think in your heart of hearts you put that down as a point if you could not be better something has to change and I am hoping that day is going ot be a good day for you not the day...

I want you to be there for all of us after the day as youput is..

Keep trying ok.. We are all here for you and that wont change ok..

I just talked to my T a little bit ago. She called to check in on me.
Told her about last night.
I am going to just take things one hour at a time right now because that is all I am capable of.
Thanks LadyDragus....thank you thank you!

good good.. That is all we can do..

and remember I am here for you.. no matter what ok.

I can recall when I had a rough time of it..
I called on a freind I never thought would listen and she did till almost 3 am.. we talked about all my probelms and all that unfun stuff but she understood more than i ever thought she would...

I know how rough it can be when loved ones do not understand ok..

I really do..

Confide in me or any of us. we are here for you. ok

((((((((((( hugs to you ))))))))))))))))))0