[justjoanie]

I feel like my world is torn apart. The rug hasn't been pulled out from under me, the entire ground has been pulled out.
I've been so depressed, but I was able to hang on without going into the pit (as I call it). But I'm in the bottom of it now, and I don't see any way out.
My partner and I are no longer together as of last night. We are still friends, but the love of my life is gone. I've never hurt like this, at least not since I was 16 and my grandfather died. That's the last time I can remember feeling this empty. And this surpasses even that. I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I'm at work trying so hard not to cry, but it's just not working.
She is still in love with her ex. She says it's not fair to me to be in a relationship with me when she still has feelings for someone else. That's what she says anyway. She has been trying to get me to break up with her for a month or so now. I know she wants to go back to her. She tells me that that's not what this is about, that she just needs to be on her own, and figure out her feelings, but I know the truth. I guess I've known it for awhile.
I don't know how to do this. I've been in relationships that have broken up after years, but I've never felt this dead inside (that's not a suicide plea, I would never contemplate that)
I need help, I need someone to tell me how to put my heart back together, because I don't know how.

[lynn P.]

(((justjoanie))) - I'm so sorry your heart is broken. Just is case you don't know, I'm Bella from Q&A. Four years ago my heart was broken also -shattered into a million pieces, so I know how you feel. I remember waking up, feeling like I was carrying a cement cinder block on my back. I questioned how I would survive. Luckily I had my girls, so I had to stay functional - basically I went into robot mode. My problem is different than yours because mine isn't resolved yet but that's a long story.

You're grieving and it's normal to feel many different emotions. Eventually it will get better I promise. You need to take care of yourself because we can't let other people steal our well being. I know it feels devastating but please don't let it ruin you. Take care of you - force yourself to eat, go for walks, talk to family/friends etc. You're going to be alright and get through this Joanie.

[googley]

((((((Joanie)))))

I'm so sorry that your relationship has broken up. Lots of hugs for you.

[notz]

(((((((((justjoanie))))))))

Sweet fragile soul...I know it hurts. I know it hurts so bad. Try to take it just a little at a time. Make it to lunch, make it to your afternoon break, make it to the end of work, etc. Be sure you eat and keep your fluids up. (especially if you're on meds)

Please take care of you. Use the forums here to help you. You WILL get through this. You are loved and cared about by many, so stay connected.

It will take time and work, but you WILL get through this!

[Typo]

(((((((((((((((((JustJoanie))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Here for you hun, sitting with you so your not alone.

I wish I knew more to say, but just know we are all here for you and we all care for you and are sitting with you supporting you.

Much love, peace and serenity
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[palmdalegirl]

Originally Posted by justjoanie

I feel like my world is torn apart. The rug hasn't been pulled out from under me, the entire ground has been pulled out.
I've been so depressed, but I was able to hang on without going into the pit (as I call it). But I'm in the bottom of it now, and I don't see any way out.
My partner and I are no longer together as of last night. We are still friends, but the love of my life is gone. I've never hurt like this, at least not since I was 16 and my grandfather died. That's the last time I can remember feeling this empty. And this surpasses even that. I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I'm at work trying so hard not to cry, but it's just not working.
She is still in love with her ex. She says it's not fair to me to be in a relationship with me when she still has feelings for someone else. That's what she says anyway. She has been trying to get me to break up with her for a month or so now. I know she wants to go back to her. She tells me that that's not what this is about, that she just needs to be on her own, and figure out her feelings, but I know the truth. I guess I've known it for awhile.
I don't know how to do this. I've been in relationships that have broken up after years, but I've never felt this dead inside (that's not a suicide plea, I would never contemplate that)
I need help, I need someone to tell me how to put my heart back together, because I don't know how.

I am sorry you are hurting. God knows we have all been there. What seems to help me is all the different advice and enlightenment I receive from this site, and other self-help sites. Sometimes I hear just the right thing to lift my spirits, if only temporarily. Another thing I suggest is to not watch too much television. Television, today, will steal your soul and teach you nothing of value. Well, I hope you have a nice day!

[notz]

stopping by to check in on you...

[Manipulated-Minds]

If there's one thing I know, it's that relationships can get vivid and complicated. I'm sorry that your newly acquired ex-girlfriend left you for her ex. I know you are heartbroken now, but just wait until you find new love later! Someone who can devote all of their time and attention to you. Not someone who dwells on the past and puts you second. You deserve better, and better you will get.

[justjoanie]

Thank you everyone for the support and advise. 2 more hours of work then I can leave.
I think the hardest part is that we are trying to remain friends, and it's everything I can do not to do my usual "I love you" text.

[rainbow74]

(((((((((((((((justjoanie)))))))))))))))

I hope in time that the pain lessens, and that you can move on.

please take care
Rainbow74

[lynn P.]

Hey Joanie,
since your breakup is fresh, it's not easy to switch and be instant friends right away. I admire and advocate trying to be friends but it might be too painful for you at first - tugs at the heart strings too much. It's an easier transition for the one who requested the breakup. You may find you need some time without contact but that's up to you. Take good care of yourself because it's easy to get run down.

[NuckingFutz]

Sending you safe cyber hugs. Lean on us when you need to. We are here for you. May you find the partner of your dreams soon and make all us single people jealous!

[Rhiannonsmoon]

(((( (((( (((( ((((JustJoanie)))) )))) )))) ))))

[Typo]

How are you doing Joanie? Thinking of you.

[justjoanie]

I'm doing better today. I went to her house last night to see her. She just got out of the hospital, so I took her some things that she needed. I agree that the friendship thing is hard, especially since the other woman had everything spread all over town in less than 24 hours. We live in such a small community, so everyone knows the story. It was hard to go into the store and be asked why I'm buying her Mountain Dew, since we broke up. I lost it.
I think the visit with her last night was good, though. It was hard, but I kinda saw her in a different light. I didn't see her as my "night in shining armour", I looked at her and realized that she is just as manipulative as her ex. I realized that she has been picking fights trying to get me to break up with her for a long time, and when I confronted her with it, she just sat there and didn't deny it. Believe it or not, that actually helped. I still love her, though, but I'm sure that fades with time, to be that little spot in the back of your heart that you look at and smile every once in awhile.
I'm reaching out in the community and trying to get a bunch of people together to go out once a month. My life has been so wrapped up in her, because of the cronic pain she's been in for months, that I don't even know how to make friends anymore.
I'm doing MUCH better today. Still hurting pretty bad, but better.
If you want to know our whole story, I've been blogging for a little while about us, since she decided to move out. The blog is here in PC under justjoanie it's called, "learning to dance in the rain"

[notz]

I'm glad today is a better day for you.

[Typo]

((((((((((((((((Joanie))))))))))))))))))))

I understand what you just described, and I understand what you are going through, I just recently ended a realtionship myself.

Getting out is good, being active, reclaiming your life and doing things you love. I know it has helped me so much.

Feel free to pm me anytime

Peace and serenity
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I just want to say thank you pc,and docjohn for creating it....you all are fully awesome!!!!

[lynn P.]

I'm so happy you're doing a little better. You sound like a great person - to be diplomatic enough to go visit and bring her some things. Being able to step back and see the whole picture means you're already ahead with being able to heal. I feel confident you're going to be JUST fine. As you can see there are some great women(men too) here to back you up.

[justjoanie]

It's still so hard. I'm suppose to spend some time with her on Tuesday night. We have a standing date (so to speak) to watch Hell's Kitchen.
When I was with her yesterday for a little while, we were watching tv, and it was so hard not to reach over and hold her hand. She doesn't seem to be bothered at all by all of this, and that just makes it hurt so much more. If I knew that her heart was broken over this too,.... I don't know. But I guess that's because she got what she wanted.
I'm only letting myself cry at night. I feel like in my room under my covers is my safe place to cry. My kids are hurt about this too, so I'm trying not to upset them.
Thanks so much for all the support. You don't know how much I appreciate it.

[NuckingFutz]

I agree, I think that would be super hard to see a newly ex partner. I think it would prolong the healing process. She got to prepare to leave the relationship. You sound really strong. Remember self care.

[lynn P.]

I agree with NF. Seeing her might be prolonging the grief and healing. She has someone and wanted out - that's why she's functioning better than you.

[michele#3]

I'm so sorry it hurts so much. Just remember in time things will get better.
In the meantime hugs to you.
If you need to talk just PM me.
Michele

[justjoanie]

Thanks for all the support. You guys don't know what it means to me.
Here's another question for you........
How do you "get over" someone you love so deeply?
and How long does it take?
Accepting answers below

[Typo]

I don't think there is a set answer for that,

I know it takes time, some people it takes longer, others shorter.

I don't know if we truly ever completly get over someone, I know that I will always have a little place in my heart for my ex, a small part of me will always love him, even after how he betrayed my trust. It is just with time my focus on that part of my heart fades, and I will heal and move on and find someone that will treat me better and return the love I gave.

Allow yourself to feel the emotions, I've found that being active, being with close family and friends, helps a lot, not as a distraction but as a way of having support, channeling the anger or depression I feel into small activites (like for me I've been trying out new recpies when I cook, or spending time out doors hiking and jogging when I feel the depression and anger become overwhelming) I'm processing what I"m feeling and I'm also making sure I am taking care of myself and handling things in a constructive and healthy way.

I think it is important that we show ourselves patience and love and care during moments like this, it can be hard to do, but sometimes the most important kind of love is self love, being kind to ourselves and not putting ourselves down for what happened. (I struggle with that)

sitting here with you Joanie, and sending you my support, this little bird's nest is always open, feel free to pm me anytime you need to talk

Much love, peace, and serenity
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