I'm so damn sad.

Pain can be thought of as a way to grow. But I'm not growing.Not even close.

I make bad choices thinking they may be good ones. Why couldn't I be that cool girl with her life together? The one with the thick hair and new shinny car? She looks at her boyfriend with eyes that know happiness.
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Emotions are suppose to be fluctuating but not overwhelming.

Mine are.

((((((Ithurts))))) I'm really sorry you're in pain Are you getting any kind of professional help at all?

I want to be that girl too. Always have, always will. However, we have to live with ourselves and who we are. We may never be the girl with the thick hair in the shiny car with the boyfriend who is "awesome", but we have our qualities too, and eventually we will find someone who makes us feel that way.

those girls stand in front of the mirror and worry... is their chest big enough? will he respect me tomorrow? is my nose too big? do my socks match my eyes?

NO ONE has it easy. Everyone has problems. And though I know what you are feeling (been there) I also know that everyone has worth for who they are, not for who they might be or who they were, but who they are right now!

(((hugs))) You are BEAUTIFUL!!!

I don't think I ever really realised how little I thought about myself. I was just used to thinking of myself in a certain way and I see now that it was a really negative way. The key definitely seems to be to learn to love yourself - as a fantastic unique person - but I'm not exactly sure how to do that.

If you ask me, school really screws you up because you get the impression that only the 'cool girl/boy' is worth anything.

it's difficult to see beauty when i'm depressed. that's why i think i don't see beauty in myself when i am sad. the overwhelming emotions of doom and gloom put a cloud over what may be more true. i have to tell myself often that it's the sadness..the depression..that makes me perceive things askew. when i feel better it's hard to remember sometimes how difficult it was when i was sad. perhaps that's a good thing. i'm more grateful tho when i feel the sadness lifts.

It's always in looking back that you see where you've been...good or bad. This is the time of year I dread...I love Autumn but Autumn does not love me... Stay positive.

I understand what your saying but "that girl" always seems to have more. And I see those girls everyday either in real life or on the TV. Some shows I cant even watch I just seeing these "perfect" people drives me insane.

Thanks for the hugs. I get the chest comment but I'm not too sure about the socks But it made me laugh.

Thank you.

That is SO TRUE! And I sure as hell wasn't even close to being in the cool crowd. I should have dropped out at 10.

I was born with that cloud. It follows me everywhere. Sometimes it winds up in my chest and turns into an evil rock.

I'm not kidding.

Ithurts, most of those coolgirls I knew in school, I don't even care where they are in life right now. I hope they never have to go through what I did, but I would never want to have to be what they probably ended up as, without the extra dimension of life my experiences have shown me. Suffering does not automatically give you that. But overcoming it can, and using your experiences from it can. I can honestly say you will proabaly, given the right help and support, come out of this and know that the storm has tested you and found you strong. As for them, it has breezed by them, and their mascare has run. wish I could reach out and give you a huge and mighty HUGGGGSSSSSSSSS from someone who has been there, bought the shirt, and found that it shrank first time in the wash.

I feel sad all the time I have moments where I feel I can cope and I am being silly but most time I just feel so sad and dreadfully unhappy. I have no reason to feel like this and worst of all I keep breaking down in tears. I feel like I am hanging onto my sanity if i have any left by my fingertips. I dont know what to do. I went to see a therapist yesterday my first appointment for years. She asked me a number of questions and while I answered her sometimes she cut me short to ask other questions and every once in while she stopped me and said excuse me while she used the mouse to click back unto my name of the computer. She said she could not help me but that she would be speaking to the head of her department and she would be able to decide what treatment they would be able to offer me. But as she is not seeing the head until end of next week all she can say is that they will contact me as soon as possible. I am forcing myself to go to work, last week I was ill but still went in which so have ended up with the flu caught from a client I visit untop of that they had me covering a job where my feet get soaking wet every day no one wants to do the job because no one wants to get wet everyday but because I come across as very patient and caring and calm I hve to cover the job. All the other people that hv gone there grumbled at the people and they manage to get off the job because the people said not to send them. I told them the same thing all the other carers have told them but I did it quietly and calmly but to be honest I am bloody fed up of being soaking wet every day. Its not helping that its been raining all the time and I am getting wet all the time its just so damp. I am aching all over this morning and feel like **** (sorry) I feel awful and if I am feeling like this on monday I am going to phone in sick which I know will anger my senior worker but I rarely take time off. I used to enjoy my work but this year depression had me in this dark pit and I cant climb out. I am so sick of crying and feeling like I am screaming inside. This sites helps me as each morning when I get up and am feeling really bad I come on to read how others are feeling and how they cope I usually end up in more tears but sometimes it just helps knowing that a lot of us have this happening to us. WHAT WE NEED IS A CURE so where is it? Oh and I wasn't part of the cool crowd either but got picked on a lot because although I was shy if anyone tried to bully me I always stood my ground not because I was brave but because my mother made my life hell at home and she had always told me that if anyone picks on me at school and I came home crying she'd beat the hell out of me for not sticking up for myself. Its didn't help that I was always the most trendy child in school we were poor but my mother made our school uniform in the school colours only not regulationg style she made then in what ever was the fashion trend. Although we were dirt poor we looked better off than the better off children. So boy that didnt exactly make us very popular at school.

Cool about the uniform. Don't you wish you could just go back in time and beat the crap out of the kids who picked on you? I think about that all the time.

Just want you to know you are NOT alone. I have had the blessing of good friends, and I always thought they had it so much more together than me. Come to find out, when I open up about how I feel, they too feel free to talk, and I learned, we're all in it together. They may look ok on the outside, but inside them, and others we'd never suspect, are people who look and sound just like us.

(((((Ithurts))))

I'm sorry you are so sad.

I appreciate your kind words. It's hard to know how people feel on the inside but I'm sure my emotional turmoil is darker than the average girl.

I've tried suicide once-only once. It was a really bad time for me and I wouldn't try it again. However, I don't think most people do try to take their own lives.

Although everyone has their demons:Mine seem to have superpowers.

Did you ever notice that depressed people get bored a lot?

Sometime I have no idea what the hell to do with myself.