Going crazy... again.

I know not many of you know me, so I'm not sure how many people will actually read this. But I just really need someone right now, need to know that people understand.

To give some background info, I've been depressed for about three to four years now, which really sucks considering I'm only 15. It's hard to tell when it began. Recently I was admitted to the hospital for suicidal thoughts, twice in two weeks, and after I got out things were okay for awhile. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive disorder, though, and things are started to get really hard again.

Is it strange that part of me wishes I was back in the hospital so I had constant support, people constantly understanding? So I knew I wasn't alone? I can't stop thinking about how fat I am, how ugly I am. I'm extremely overweight, and I'm not just saying that. Doctors tell me it, everyone can tell.

I hate myself. I loathe myself. And I'm sick of living. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live. I want to live in the hospital for the rest of my life. That's all I want. It's my comfort place. I don't want to really exist.

Why can't I just make this go away? I never asked for it. I was hopeful for awhile that I could go away to a school where you can go to therapy and work on losing weight and everything like that. But now my mom said it costs too much money... I'm just going to be fat and depressed for the rest of my life.

I can't take this anymore... I can't stop crying... I just want to be normal again. I hate my life. I hate myself. I hate living.

Can't say anything but that I've been there (am there?). Wish I could make it better for you and for myself and for everyone else.

Take care of yourself.

Hi Yesterdays. I wish I could give you a big hug, but just imagine I am. I've been there too and eventually it does get better, even though it doesn't feel like it. That is one of the things that I hold on to, however bad it gets you need to hold onto hope!

The other thing is that this forum means that you are never totally alone. Have you got a therapist you can confide in. Maybe he/she can put you in touch with a support group.

As I said. Hold onto hope! Look after yourself.

I'm so sorry ,I wish I had an answer but I don't. I do know how you feel ,I also have depression , I also hate myself for my looks,and I hate living. Some people say "snap out of it" but I think that's almost impossible.
I have had depression for last 6 years and I'm pretty sure you can't snap out of it.However I do know how you feel and I'm very sorry and send many hugs.But please don't be so down on youself,I'll try too .If you want,we can chat and talk about our problems.

After I had been to the psych ward twice, i constantly wished to be back there again, to have constant help and safety. I would have dreams about being back there and being safe, i would obsess about wanting to go back. Part of the reason i didn't stop myself from oding again a year later was that i wanted to be back there and be safe and feel comforted. Well i got my wish. I ended up going back another 4 times. I moved after that, and I've been to the psych ward in ks where i moved to, and i hated it, it was the worst psych ward ever, an because of this, i have not oded or threatened suicide again cause i don't want to go back there...

Thank you everyone for your support. It really helps and makes me feel better to know that people understand. I'm feeling a bit better today, for now at least, and I'm going to see my therapist tonight so hopefully that will help a little bit. It just gets hard when you're constantly feeling depressed. =/

(((((((((Yesterdays))))))) I'm really sorry to hear how much you're struggling It's good that you are reaching out here and I hope we can help you feel less alone.

I'm wondering if you are seeing a counselor at all? Perhaps there is some way to receive treatment from the hospital on an out-patient basis? Does your doctor have any suggestions for treatment? I really hope there are some options available to you.

Thinking of you and sending hugs

I'm here for you sweetie. I'm extremly overweight and constantly reminded of it. Not to mention i've had clinical depression since I was thirteen. I dropped out of school when I was sixteen because of torment, and because of a group of boys telling me to 'kill myself to do the world a favor'. Just know, i'm here for you. I care. If you want to talk, message me. Until then, I wan't you to know you ARE worth something. I think back at how I reacted, and i'm happy of how much stronger I am today. Things will get better, just give it a little time. I know, I might sound a little hypocritical, because I have episodes where I fly off the handle and my mind is just overwhelmed with bad thoughts, but deep inside I know that it will pass. You are beautiful, and I can tell if I knew you we'd be great friends. Hang in there sweetie, please message me sometime.