[ltlredvett]

I have been feeling so much better at times, but I am feeling myself slipping again. Just not motivated to do much of anything.

I HATE the weekends that I don't have my kids with me. I wind up doing the pity party thing, missing my exgirlfriend. I am scared, I really, really am scared.

[Fuzzybear]

I wish I could give you a real hug, vett ...

~Fuzzy

[Peanut61]

((((((((((((((((Vett)))))))))))))))). You've been doing so well. I really do understand that weekends without your kids pose a very big challenge, and I know it's tempting to go out and even get involved in the things you don't really want to - I wish there was something else that you could think of to distract yourself at these times, but I know that the temptation is hard to resist.

You know that you can come here, but that only goes so far I know. What other things can you do? It's just like with other addictions, really - tis making it one day - one hour at a time.

In the past I've seen you come on really down on Mondays, but not lately, and I've been so happy for you - you've seemed so grounded and confident. You really do seem to feel better when you stay with your priorities for recovery and wellness that you've had in recent weeks.

I'm going to be keeping you in my thoughts, and will check often for your posts. I know weekends are tough for many on here, but if we band together, I think it helps.

Warmest regards.

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

[Rapunzel]

{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}

It's scary, but try not to worry too much. Ups and downs are normal, and it's hard to get through a weekend by yourself. What could you do to get out and have some fun just for you? You can always hang around with us here too. You'll be okay.

<font color=red>"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." -Harriet Braiker</font color=red>

[heatherm]

{{{{{{{{{vett}}}}}}}}}}

Hang onto those good feelings that you are having...any of them at all. Remember how they make you feel.

How often do you have your kids? What are their ages? I am sorry if you told us before...I am trying to remember...I'm still down about the game last night I guess

What are some of your interests? I think you mentioned coaching baseball before? Did you ever look into a local school in your area that may let you have a baseball camp in their gym? Pitching clinics...etc....something to look into during the winter months maybe?

Don't be afraid...we are here for you.


Heather

"The Pessimist complains about the wind, the Optimist expects it to change and the REALIST adjusts his sails." ~~~author unknown

[heidu]

Vett,
As much as you don't want to and as much as you probably won't enjoy it, if you can find something else to do, anything really to pass the time it will be easier. Call a long lost friend or go to a movie you want to see or make yourself a really nice dinner and go all out making it special. You deserve it.

If you get REALLY bored you can come visit me and help me finish up this house remodeling stuff. I could use a fresh arm and shoulder :O)
Hang in there, it's gonna be ok.
Big hugs,
Heidu

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
John Ruskin

[ltlredvett]

Thank you all for your kind words and your support. And, Peanut by slipping I meant that I am slipping into a deeper depression and scared about my future. I have no intentions of "acting out" any longer... that only made a bad situation worse.

Heather... I have a 15 year old son and 10 year old daughter. I have them every other weekend and then on Wednesday nights. I see them a LOT more in the summer when baseball and softball are going on. I love my time with them.

I will try and get out this weekend. Actually an old college friend that I found on classmates.com has been e-mailing me. We might get together on Sunday afternoon. So, that will be cool... haven't seen them in over 25 years (gasp... choke) that should be interesting!!

I am just at a weird place now. On the one hand I am feeling better and I am not "acting out" any longer. On the other hand I am still sad, still grieving the loss of the love of my life, very overwhelmed, shamed, feel guilty, not very hopeful for my future... a lot of mixed emotions. I am just scared lately when I have to be alone for any length of time.

[heatherm]

{{{{{{{vett}}}}}}}}

That sounds like such a great thing to plan....wow 25 years! So you were what? 4 ? when you last saw them? aren't we all 29 here? I think it will do you a world of good to get out and see them.

Are both of your children involved with sports? My oldest son (he is 7) is totally engulfed in sports. Hockey, baseball and soccer are his passions. He finished up hockey school last week and tomorrow (8 am ) starts his hockey season. I think it is wonderful for them to be so interested in sports. What other sports do your children play? I know how much they mean to you....your words jump out of the screen when you talk about them. That is so admirable. How close do you live to them?


Heather

"The Pessimist complains about the wind, the Optimist expects it to change and the REALIST adjusts his sails." ~~~author unknown

[ltlredvett]

Heahter,

Thanks for your reply. Fisrt, my kids only live about a mile from me, actually much less if you take a bike path that runs along the golf course. And, both my kids are very active in sports. They both play basketball and either softball or baseball. My son is also into agressive skating and lately has taken up guitar. My daughter's musical interests revolve around the piano and the drums.

I miss living with them. Probably the biggest contributing factor to my depression. No, not probably...definitely.

[heatherm]

{{{{{{{{vett}}}}}}}}}}

It is wonderful that you are so close to each other.

Is there ever a chance that they will live with you? Tell me if I am being nosy ok? I was just thinking that maybe there is a way for you to see them more often.


Heather

"The Pessimist complains about the wind, the Optimist expects it to change and the REALIST adjusts his sails." ~~~author unknown

[ltlredvett]

I doubt they would ever live with me. I thought for a while my son might because he and his mom are like oil and water a lot. But he likes the creature comforts of mom's house. I live in a small 2 bedroom apartment.... just not my son's style.

[heatherm]

At least you know how close you are to them both physically and emotionally. What about meeting one of them for a quick lunch or something tomorrow? Is that usually ok with their Mother? Does she understand your depression? Do you both still talk? If you explained to her that you are having a difficult time right now and would like to see your children even for an hour...would she be ok with that?


Heather

"The Pessimist complains about the wind, the Optimist expects it to change and the REALIST adjusts his sails." ~~~author unknown

[ltlredvett]

Not a bad idea Heather, I jsut might do that. Its just when I have a weekend alone now it's not a good thing. I miss my exgirlfriend so much and think of what we could be doing together and realize how badly I messed things up. Frankly, right now I just can't wait to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head.

[heatherm]

{{{{{{vett}}}}}}}

It's ok to hurt like you do...that is all normal ok? Just keep remembering how it feels to wake up with a smile on your face too....pretty soon the good days will out-weigh the bad ones. It just takes some time.

The reason I was thinking of a short lunch for tomorrow was that you mentioned your son is 15? It may be a good way to spend a little one on one time with him too. You can take turns with each of your children on the weekends that they both aren't there. The weekend after next(you have them together next weekend right?)...maybe a lunch date with your daughter. It can be a special time with each one of them alone and they will look forward to it as much as you. It doesn't have to cost much either....it will be the time with each of them will be worth its weight in gold

With them growing up ....they will look back on their time with you as a wonderful Dad who is taking such courageous steps to get well. Keep them informed as to how you are too...... they may have great insight into ways you can handle things too.



Heather

"The Pessimist complains about the wind, the Optimist expects it to change and the REALIST adjusts his sails." ~~~author unknown

[SeptemberMorn]

Me, too, {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Vett}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Maybe it's the season, you think?



<font color=blue>Don't die with your music still in you.</font color=blue>

[bptoo]

Hey Vett,

I'm sorry you're having such a crappy day. I hope somehow it managed to get a little better.

One thing that came across to me in your posts, was your deep love for your kids. I can relate. I've been thru what you are dealing with now, and it was hard being away from my daughter. Those weekends and Wednesdays (who thought that crap up anyway?) just didn't cut it. Like you, my kids are three of the most important things in my life.

But getting back to your posts, I'm sure you've heard the saying, "Anybody can be a Father, but it takes someone special to be a Dad'? Man, you've got Dad written all over you, and that's a very cool thing.

I hope the weekend gets better,
bp

"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get to work."

[ltlredvett]

Thanks bp, I do love being a Dad. In fact, I think that is how, in large part, I defined myself. But since I have my kids only about a third of the time I am lost the remaining two thirds of the time.

I was fortunate enough to have met a wonderful woman. But, my depression and my twisted way of acting out in response to the depression resulted in me losing her.

I am struggling so much now. I really don't know what to do. Thank you so much for your kind words and I am glad that the importance of being a Dad comes through in my posts.

[jac]

Hi Vett,

I just would like to take the opportunity to commend you-the post you wrote to fast64 was so great, You were right on target.

I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time right now. As far as I can tell your ex lost not only a great man but also a wonderful father. I wish my kids' father would be as involved as you. Love will touch you again I will guarentee you that! And when it is perfect you will know.

I think the lunch dates with your kids is a great idea! Then you will have something to look forward to every weekend!

Sorry to cut this short--I (being the great mother I am) have to pick up my 12yr old son at a school dance!!!!!(it is 8:55PM)

{{{vett}}}

jac

[inkblot]

I can miss my kids like heck when they aren't with me, too. I know what you mean. When I really get to thinking about them like that I just pick everything and myself apart. I try to not let it get to me, but eventually that denial builds up and I have to let it out. It helps to have a distraction for moods like this. For me, it's work. Unfortunetly, I can't work 24/7 so I have to find other things. What distracts you from your moods?