I am at my wits end

I don't know why I am here I have really never had this feeling of nothingness in my life before. I guess I am here because I need someone to talk to before I end up doing something stupid.

Right now life is at an all time low. I feel as there is no one here for me in this world that can help me through these thoughts and issues that have been plaguing me for the past couple of months.

Let me start from the begining. A couple of months ago I was in a relationship with someone for almost six years. Things were pretty good throught those years until the middle part of this year. I was working 12 hr shifts at work and going to college full time as well. This was a very stressful period in my life, trying to balance work and school and I started getting overwhelmed and stressed out. Problems at home started to areise as well. She didn't have a job, she wouldn't clean, she wouldn't dicipline her kids. It basically all fell on me which made a stressful situation even more stressful. I told her that she needed to make some changes in her life, go get some counciling to help her deal with the issues that were going on in her life s that we could move forward in our relationnship. She didn't and our relationship got progressively worse. It came to the point where I had to loeave even though I really didn't want to but I did. After I left she got the help she needed, she made the changes that she needed to make and now is a totally different person.
I wanted us to try and work on getting back together and so we did. We were taking things slow and I believe that we wre falling for each other again. But here comes the bump in the road. She met someone else. And since then which has been just two weeks hadn't talked very much.
Then Monday of this week she calls me and we talk she tells me how much she misses me and how she thinks about me constantly. I tell her the same because this is how I feel as well. Then she tells me that this song called "End of the road" by boys to men and in this song there is a specific part that says "Will you love me again like you loved me before this time I want you to love me much more" And there's another part that says "We belong together and you know that I am right". Why would she have me listen to this if she has not intention of getting back together with me. I just don't understand and cannot talk to her about it because she is with this other guy. What do I do???

SInce that day I have felt an overwhelming sadness and hopelessness that I can not get rid of no matter what I do. I have been contemplating suicide as this seems to be the only way that I can get rid of the void that has been left.

I have tried to talk with my friends about it but they really don't care or act like they do not care even though I express the sadness that I am feeling the never offer any advice or input into the situation. As far as my family goes they do not discuss things like that. My mother has never told me as far as I can remember that she has ever loved me or really never has shown any emotion towards me as well.

I have no job and cannot find one, though I search and search everyday and apply as well. This leads to my depression as too as there is too much time on my hands to constantly think about things. I exercise regularly and that only seems to help until I am finished. I just feel like ending it all, I really believe that this world would be better off without me and I feel like I have no purpose or meaning in this life anymore. These upcoming holidays are just making the situation worse. I cannot sleep , I cannot eat. I am at my wits end. Somebody please help me.

Hello & Welcome, Cabby!

Two months ago you had too much going on in your life; now, too little. Depression fills the void.
Same here.

I don't know what to say about the relationship. Regarding eating and sleeping -- they're necessities. Filling those basic needs may not immediately help your mood, but they're essential to improving it.

Maybe right now is the time to focus just on the basics, most especially your safety. That may mean being alone, but could mean being around others to minimize risks.

Please keep posting.

Thanks for being there. I have never really felt this horrible in my life before. Maybe I posted my situation at the wrong place maybe not. I am not sure. I'm just handeling the alone part very hard. No body has tried to call me and when I have called people they say that they are busy and will call me back but they do not so I do not try to call them either especially when I say to them that i really need someone to talk too. I guess I am really alone in this world.

Do I need to seek some professional help or something? If yes then that will be hard as I do not have the money or insurance to do so.

Hi Cabby -- Believe me, you DO have a purpose in this life -- It's just that you haven't taken the time to figure out what it is yet. Once you get your life in order, and things are moving along, you'll have more time to think about your purpose. Now isn't the time.

As far as your "friend," why not arrange a time to meet her for lunch,coffee, or whatever so that you can talk - and really get things out in the open. It sounds like you two have never REALLY communicated. Don't you think it's about time?? Communication is the most important part of a relationship -- and you'd better get it started from the beginning or you'll never have any kind of lasting relationship. So meet up somewhere and get things settled -- find out what she REALLY wants, and then you can take it from there. But this "guesswork" isn't doing anyone any good. And "talking" thru a CD/song is for the birds. You have no idea where you stand!

I hope things work out the way you want them. God bless and let us know what happens, ok?? Take care. Hugs, Lee

She is now seeing someone else. We were still seeing each other up until two weeks ago and then she met someone else. I think she is trying to hurt me more now because of what she said to me the other night that she still loved me and the song that she wanted me to listen too. It was saying. I 'm at a loss and it still adds to the confusion. She will not speak with me while he is still there.

best wishes, Cabby... i hope you find some Peace~! Gus

Hi, Cabby!
I cannot tell you whether or not you need professional help. If you are in severe distress, calling a free crisis line might be your first option.

(Sorry, these resources are skewed toward the USA)

Crisis Resources

PsychCentral's Suicide and Crisis links page
Doc John's Suicide Resources short list
Metanoia
Samaritans.org - UK & Republic of Ireland
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK
Suicide Prevention, Awareness, and Support
Hopeline: Kristin Brooks Hope Center
Suicide Forum

Non-Emergency Help When Money is Tight

United Way / AIRS Home – 211.org [AIRS = Alliance for Information and Referral Systems]
211.org Call Center Search
US Department of Housing and Urban Development, General Resources
State Departments of Human Services (different states use slightly different terms):

Department of Social Services (DSS)
Department of Human Services (DHS)
Department of Health and Social Services (DHSS)
Department of Social and Health Services (DSHS)
Health & Human Services Commission (HHSC)

Examples:
Colorado Department of Human Services (CDHS)
Montana Department of Public Heath & Human Services

Search: “your location” social services
New York City Coalition for the Homeless
Finding Low-Cost Psychotherapy, By John M. Grohol, Psy.D.
PsychCentral’s Insurance & Finances Forum
New York Times article: How to Find Mental Health Care When Money is Tight, by Lesley Alderman
NeedyMeds
Free and Low-Price Prescriptions – PsychCentral Topic
Mental Health America – search for “Mental Health America” plus the name of the state where you live. Examples: Montana Colorado
Disability.gov (USA; “Connecting the Disability Community to Information & Opportunities”)
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)
Find your local NAMI
Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) Home Page
DBSA Support Groups and Chapters
DBSA Support Groups and Chapters Directory (Terms of Use)

A support group can be an inexpensive or free (partial) alternative to regular therapy.

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy Self Help Resources (Get Self Help UK)
Online Self-Help Book for Mental Health & Illness (MentalHelp.net)

Today I am feeling a little better than yesterday. I am still here so I guess that must count for something right. Thank you Rohag for the sources in your post. I am trying to deal with my issues as best I can but at least if I start feeling worse I know where I can get some special help. I think the main thig was I was able to sleep for 2hrs last night and that was only from drinking but at least I got a little rest. It had been days since I actually dozed off and I think that little bit of rest helped even though I should't have been drinking to rest in the first place.

I think that being alone and trying to cope with issues is a very hard thing for one to do by theirselves. I am truely glad that I stumbled across this site as I realize that I am not alone in the way that I feel even thought everyone's stories are different I guess the feeling is all the same.

Well everyone I finally ate something today. I actually went to the store purchase the things I needed and made Christmas dinner. This was the first time I had been outta the house in days and it felt kinda good to get out. All i pray for now is to get some much needed sleep.

Eating -- fantastic! I add my "amen" to your prayers for sleep. (Sleep is sooooo important...)

Well I guess I finally got my anwser. I wrote her a length e-mail. Poured all my heart and soul into it and then she text me back GOODBYE. *sigh* I am not in a good place right now

Hi Cabby,

Things sound really hard right now. I hope you will call a crisis line if you need someone to talk with. It sounds like some medication like an SSRI could be very helpful. You are important. And you know there are other fish in the sea...

Thanks Elana05 for the post. I am trying to deal with things the best that I can. I know that there are more fish out there I'm just afraid I am not ready to use the right bait right now. I have to find a way to get happy again and actually feel like I am woth something before even trying to start a relationship with someone else. This would not be fair to the other person.