Do I do it for me or them?

Right now it's 13.50pm on Boxing Day. I'm layed upstairs in bed at my boyfriend's parent's house. I haven't got up yet, my boyfriend got up and showered and has gone downstairs a little while ago. But I feel so depressed and low. I don't wanna move, just wanna hide but I feel so damn rude and disrespectful being up here. I am trying to get up, honestly I am. But, I don't want people to see me not in a good mood. I don't wanna feel awkward. When I'm feeling low, I tend to hide... to protect others as well as myself really.
I don't know what to do. Longer I stay here, the worse I'll feel and the more rude it is and because I know it's rude the more I beat myself up. Why now!? Why today!?

Happy Boxing Day, Silver_Moon!

In an earlier post, you mentioned how your own family derides you. I can see how you might be specially sensitive to making good impressions. What is your boyfriend's family like? Do they know about your depression? Might they be more understanding? Are you afraid to take a chance with them?

I'm sorry about this understandable dilemma (rude vs. mood). Also, I'm not sure it's possible to answer your me-them question definitively. The two may be deeply intertwined.

What will contribute most to long-term happiness?

Best wishes! Please keep posting.

Hi silver moon,

That is exactly how I felt this morning! I just lay in bed and did not want the day to start. (Had a huge fight with my mom last night - on Christmas. Ugh.)
There is calm and peace laying in bed. And the world brings strife and heartache. I hope you are feeling a bit better...

I don't think my boyfriend's parents are aware of my depression. They do know that I can get anxious and struggle a little bit. Compared to my family though, they are quite relaxed about things. I think I must have it set in my head that 'everyone' is like my own family and have their views and opinions when this is not true. I'm so used to having to try and please people in what are, for the most part, petty situations.
My boyfriend and I had a conversation yesterday about food. When I'm at home, I can't help myself to something to eat when I'm hungry and especially not in the evening. Here, they're fine with it. If you're hungry and you need to eat, you're free to make a sandwich or even dinner. I don't think I'm used to the change really. I'm 22 years old... I've lived with my parents for 22 years and been living under 'those kinda rules'.

yes, this is how we are, SilverMoon, we think what we are used to is how it always is,, but thankfully,, change is everywhere, and available to us, internally and externally~! it sounds like you chose a really good bf, and he has a wonderful family,,, i hope you let them see you for who you are, and be sure they will accept you ,, even if it is a risk, it's well worth it if they do~~ best wishes,, Gus

so deep under, want the pain to stop

ouch....

Hi
I am sorry. I know how you feel, but wasn't sure to respond on this or your other post.
I have had so many times like that.. being with other people and wanting to just stay away from them, and feeling the pressure. I am much older than you, but I remember times when I just hid from my husband's family on vacation once; I was upstairs crying and it just seemed like everyone else was having a good time.
Then it seemed worse because I felt so guilty.
Lately I have had those issues with my older kids being home, so I am really not one to give advice.
I will say, though, that in retrospect, I thought it was much worse than it really was. People do really care but they don't know how to respond. And believe it or not, they are not all thinking and talking about it all of the time. If they are nice people, then they are concerned and not making judgements. If they are not nice, then who cares what they think? You deserve some empathy. Every human does.
You do not need to "come clean" and discuss how you feel with everyone. It is complicated. Try to remember that everyone there has there own issues as well, they just might be able to hide them as easily.
It sounds like you have junk from your childhood that has made you uncomfortable at being who your are and accepted for that; oh my, I get that. This is not your fault. There is no one right way to be. You are a sensitive and thoughtful and caring woman. Try not to just assume they are like your parents, or that it is wrong for you to feel different around them, Just accept the kindness, and take care of yourself.