Existential Crisis ?

I don't know what to do. I feel so lost, nothing seems important, my life seems utterly pointless. Maybe I'm having an existential crisis?

Medication has gotten me this far (functioning in my daily life), but it won't help in answering the questions in my life: why am I here? will I ever be happy? what should I do with my life? what will give me a sense of purpose?

My physical symptoms of depression are under control, but the non-physical symptoms still haunt me. I'm starting to think (passively) about suicide again, because I feel hopeless and overwhelmed. I'm desperate for answers but don't know where to look.

Any advice ???

I don't know why we're here, and can only guess at life's purpose. I, too, suffer from existential angst or depression, if you will, and i am not saying that i can DO as i recommend. Once upon a time in a treatment center, tho, i learned what has repeatedly proven to be true. If my physical symptoms of depression were under control [congrats to your constitution and your pdoc], i would fight the psychological symptoms by concentrating on the problems of others, helping if/where i could. This [PC] forum seems to be designed around the opportunity for just that, as well as the opportunity to ventilate, ask, lean, and learn. Would love to learn what your treatment regimen is, as well as your circumstances. Caring about you ~

http://hanofharmony.com/how-to-create-meaning-in-life/

I don't see my recently-posted quick reply here for some reason, but i PM'd you, MoonTurtle. Your post awakened some of my long over-medicated interest in ideas.

I seem to be suffering from dysthymia, or at least some chronic milder form of depression. I had a major depressive episode that started last year around the end of February or beginning of March. For a while I didn't realize what was going on, and I did a lot of self-medicating with alcohol. Things finally got unbearable in August, so I started seeing a therapist. I had a bit of fear around taking medication, so I decided to try everything I could that didn't involve prescription medication.

I saw the therapist for about 6 months, at which point things seemed to be under control. During that time, I also did many self-help strategies like exericise (walking, yoga), eating healthier, using stress-relief techniques, spending time outdoors, and reading self-help books. Things were okay for a while after I stopped therapy, but soon enough I started sinking down into a dark pit again. By June/July of this year, I was drinking a lot again and was at the end of my rope. I was feeling desperate and talked to my Dr. about trying medication. He started me on Lexapro, which I am still taking (10mg/day).

The side effects were pretty noticeable at first, but got better over time, and now they are almost non-existent. Medication has helped significantly with the physical symptoms of depression (including loss of appetite, extremely low energy, feeling tired all the time, waking many times during the night).

However, I'm still feeling somewhat dull/empty, feel like I have no goals or motivation, no real meaning in my life. I am very disappointed in myself and how my life has turned out so far. I just feel like a loser who doesn't have much to look forward to. I also still don't enjoy most things that I used to enjoy, which is frustrating.

Other parts of my treatment regimen include exercise (I usually work out for 30-60 minutes 4 or 5 times a week), getting adequate sleep (which often doesn't happen, but I'm trying!!), and taking part in hobbies and social activities.

I'm thinking of trying therapy again. I don't know how much it will help, but I'm willing to try. I'm sick and tired of being like this!!