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  #1  
Old Dec 31, 2010, 01:20 AM
desperate&disturbed desperate&disturbed is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2010
Location: new york
Posts: 328
i feel like my lifes falling apart
my dads in a psych ward and i can't be in the same house as him
i can't sleep and im having nighmares
i keep pushing people away from me
i tried self medicating with weed
i got busted with weed just yesterday
i have never felt more alone even though i've never had more people care about me
and worst of all i've never rationally wanted to give up as much as i do now.
__________________
I wanna heal, I wanna feel
Like Im close to something real
I wanna find something ive wanted all along
Somewhere I belong?

he who does not feel me is not real to me
Therefore he doesn't exist
So poof...vamoose you sob

What's wrong with the world, mama
People livin' like they ain't got no mamas
I think the whole world addicted to the drama
Only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate,

can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? i can really use a wish right now.

i'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

I'mma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly
And all those who look down on me I'm tearing down your balcony

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  #2  
Old Dec 31, 2010, 02:16 AM
sugahorse1's Avatar
sugahorse1 sugahorse1 is offline
Upwards and Onwards!
 
Member Since: Mar 2010
Location: Kent, UK
Posts: 7,878
I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through.
Do you have any other support in your life that you can lean on in times like this- a close friend, a therapist, a counsellor...?
I would like to encourage you to see a therapist. They really help us deal with our lives better. If they feel that you require meds, they will also refer you.
I think my T is becoming my best friend. Not in the way that a friend can be, but I trust her and share my darkest secrets with her. And I know she cares.

I've battled with being alone all my life, and am only now realising how much I need/rely on people.
Please make sure you have company around and are not alone when you are feeling this way. You deserve to be loved and cared for.
You can unravel your life and make sense of these emotions. Self-medicating is dangerous, and not the answer. Please be safe

(((Hugs)))
__________________
"I'd rather attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed. Robert H. Schuller"

Current dx: Bipolar Disorder Unspecified

Current Meds: Epitec (Lamotrigine) 300mg, Solian 50mg, Seroquel 25mg PRN, Metformin 500mg, Klonopin prn
Thanks for this!
Gently1
  #3  
Old Dec 31, 2010, 08:24 AM
Rohag's Avatar
Rohag Rohag is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Feb 2009
Posts: 10,045
Desperate&Disturbed, the candor of your posts is wonderful even as their content is distressing.
Quote:
i feel like my lifes falling apart
Here's one perspective: the life you have now needs to fall apart. Your problems are not yours alone but are tied up in your family. As painful as it sounds, a falling apart that breaks the toxic bonds of that environment might be the best thing for you.

May rescue appear quickly. Try to seek effective help.
__________________
My dog mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
  #4  
Old Dec 31, 2010, 10:32 AM
SophiaG's Avatar
SophiaG SophiaG is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: May 2008
Location: North East USA
Posts: 1,427
Might want to keep in mind that you might have learned dysfunctional coping mechanisms from your dad. :/
  #5  
Old Jan 01, 2011, 08:42 PM
Radien's Avatar
Radien Radien is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 128
I am here for you and always will be here for you Des. Whenever you want to talk and whatever you want to talk about. I made that promise to you and i will ALWAYS keep it. I want nothing more then to be able to save you from everything that comes your way and dispose of everything that tries to stop that from happening. I love you darling, please never forget how much I care about you.
__________________
I'm not what I have done, I'm what I've overcome
Thanks for this!
bluegirl...?, desperate&disturbed, Muckluck
  #6  
Old Jan 01, 2011, 08:47 PM
Muckluck Muckluck is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Dec 2010
Posts: 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by desperate&disturbed View Post
i feel like my lifes falling apart
my dads in a psych ward and i can't be in the same house as him
i can't sleep and im having nighmares
i keep pushing people away from me
i tried self medicating with weed
i got busted with weed just yesterday
i have never felt more alone even though i've never had more people care about me
and worst of all i've never rationally wanted to give up as much as i do now.
Looking at everything at one time can be overwhelming. I have found that looking at one thing at a time has helped me. Just look at the most important one first. Work with it until you feel you can understand it and then go to the next in line. Please try to find a counselor also to work with on a long-term basis. I have, and it has helped so much.
Thanks for this!
Muckluck
  #7  
Old Jan 01, 2011, 08:50 PM
Muckluck Muckluck is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Dec 2010
Posts: 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Radien View Post
I am here for you and always will be here for you Des. Whenever you want to talk and whatever you want to talk about. I made that promise to you and i will ALWAYS keep it. I want nothing more then to be able to save you from everything that comes your way and dispose of everything that tries to stop that from happening. I love you darling, please never forget how much I care about you.
Your love is important. Loving someone is truly believing in their ability to work through things. Rather than protecting, help them see their assets and abilities. We become so much stronger when we know someone believes we are. Wonderful post.
  #8  
Old Jan 01, 2011, 11:24 PM
desperate&disturbed desperate&disturbed is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Feb 2010
Location: new york
Posts: 328
i have a lot of awesome friends, and a t. the pressure is just adding up more quickly than i can handle. my grandparents are here now and they want me to live with my dad which i just can't do. my mom thinks she's this amazing mom when she usually does more damage than good. i'm trying to go stay with my aunt til the situation clears up. hopefully that will happen. i talked to my t and i decided to get totally sober, no weed no drinking. i ended up deciding not to cut today, which has always been a struggle for me. i couldn't have done any of this without all the support i get from my friends. i just am worried cause i don't see the situation getting better, but im taking away my coping methods even if they aren't the best
@radien, thank you so much *hugs* i love you too, and you mean so much to me!
__________________
I wanna heal, I wanna feel
Like Im close to something real
I wanna find something ive wanted all along
Somewhere I belong?

he who does not feel me is not real to me
Therefore he doesn't exist
So poof...vamoose you sob

What's wrong with the world, mama
People livin' like they ain't got no mamas
I think the whole world addicted to the drama
Only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate,

can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? i can really use a wish right now.

i'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

I'mma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly
And all those who look down on me I'm tearing down your balcony
  #9  
Old Jan 03, 2011, 04:18 AM
sugahorse1's Avatar
sugahorse1 sugahorse1 is offline
Upwards and Onwards!
 
Member Since: Mar 2010
Location: Kent, UK
Posts: 7,878
How are you doing now?
__________________
"I'd rather attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed. Robert H. Schuller"

Current dx: Bipolar Disorder Unspecified

Current Meds: Epitec (Lamotrigine) 300mg, Solian 50mg, Seroquel 25mg PRN, Metformin 500mg, Klonopin prn
  #10  
Old Jan 03, 2011, 11:33 PM
desperate&disturbed desperate&disturbed is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Feb 2010
Location: new york
Posts: 328
i'm doing terribly
a little background information real quick; my dad is a hardcore alcoholic who gets abusive. well actually he's abusive anyway just a lot more under the influence. it got to the point where i thought he was actually going to kill me and himself so he had to be detained and put under suicide watch at a hospital, of course no one told the officials that he wanted to kill me pretty much. well he sobered up detoxed and all that good stuff. my mom brought him home without telling me, i had a panic attack and my grand parents tried to guilt trip me into patching things up with him. i packed a bag in 3 minutes flat and am staying at my aunts place for a few days.
not doing well at all right now
__________________
I wanna heal, I wanna feel
Like Im close to something real
I wanna find something ive wanted all along
Somewhere I belong?

he who does not feel me is not real to me
Therefore he doesn't exist
So poof...vamoose you sob

What's wrong with the world, mama
People livin' like they ain't got no mamas
I think the whole world addicted to the drama
Only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate,

can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? i can really use a wish right now.

i'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

I'mma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly
And all those who look down on me I'm tearing down your balcony
  #11  
Old Jan 04, 2011, 02:52 AM
sugahorse1's Avatar
sugahorse1 sugahorse1 is offline
Upwards and Onwards!
 
Member Since: Mar 2010
Location: Kent, UK
Posts: 7,878
I'm so sorry...
Glad to hear you are somewhere safe though. And that you have a T and awesome friends to support you. I'm not sure how old you are, but is it possible to start a life of your own now? Leave the negative influences that are dragging you down, behind. You deserve to be happy. Dealing with depression is a difficult enough road to have to walk.
__________________
"I'd rather attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed. Robert H. Schuller"

Current dx: Bipolar Disorder Unspecified

Current Meds: Epitec (Lamotrigine) 300mg, Solian 50mg, Seroquel 25mg PRN, Metformin 500mg, Klonopin prn
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