But I'm really good at it.

How do you stop?

[sundog]

That is such a good question. I wish I had the answer!!! I am also good at feeling sorry for myself. I think partly it's just the nature of depression. It does tend to make us very focused on our own issues. Here are some things that help me sometimes:

- Keeping busy
- setting myself small goals so that I feel productive
- interacting with other people
- trying to do things that I enjoy (which isn't much anymore, but there are some things!!!)
- Making a list of all the things in my life I am grateful for
- Getting involved with a cause that I believe in and which helps people (or, in my case, animals) less fortunate than myself

[Onward2wards]

I do that too. I think there's a difference between self-pity and being compassionate towards oneself. The former implies helplessness, the latter is just being a good advocate for oneself. I agree with sundog's answer.

Originally Posted by sundog

That is such a good question. I wish I had the answer!!! I am also good at feeling sorry for myself. I think partly it's just the nature of depression. It does tend to make us very focused on our own issues. Here are some things that help me sometimes:

- Keeping busy
- setting myself small goals so that I feel productive
- interacting with other people
- trying to do things that I enjoy (which isn't much anymore, but there are some things!!!)
- Making a list of all the things in my life I am grateful for
- Getting involved with a cause that I believe in and which helps people (or, in my case, animals) less fortunate than myself

You're correct, it is the nature of depression. I'm actually mad at the depression!

That is a good list. Thank you.

Originally Posted by Onward2wards

I do that too. I think there's a difference between self-pity and being compassionate towards oneself. The former implies helplessness, the latter is just being a good advocate for oneself. I agree with sundog's answer.

I'm a self-pity person. LOL But it is getting me nowhere and harming my current life which isn't too bad.

Sometimes I wish I can erase all the bad memories and just start fresh.

[venusss]

Originally Posted by sundog

That is such a good question. I wish I had the answer!!! I am also good at feeling sorry for myself. I think partly it's just the nature of depression. It does tend to make us very focused on our own issues. Here are some things that help me sometimes:

- Keeping busy
- setting myself small goals so that I feel productive
- interacting with other people
- trying to do things that I enjoy (which isn't much anymore, but there are some things!!!)
- Making a list of all the things in my life I am grateful for
- Getting involved with a cause that I believe in and which helps people (or, in my case, animals) less fortunate than myself

this, this and THIS.

You have to focus on something other than "poor me".

[Gus1234U]

the one thing i will not let me do anymore is ,,,, beat myself up~! no matter how good the reason, no matter how enticing the excuse, no no no beating up Gus~!~! and no beating up other people too. So,, go ahead, feel self pity, feel how it saps your strength, smell how sour it is, watch other people run from it as from a skunk~! then look again at self pity, is it a good friend, or is it someone you can walk away from, say good bye to? approaching is the way to coming to terms, not running away~! Gus

Originally Posted by Gus1234U

the one thing i will not let me do anymore is ,,,, beat myself up~! no matter how good the reason, no matter how enticing the excuse, no no no beating up Gus~!~! and no beating up other people too. So,, go ahead, feel self pity, feel how it saps your strength, smell how sour it is, watch other people run from it as from a skunk~! then look again at self pity, is it a good friend, or is it someone you can walk away from, say good bye to? approaching is the way to coming to terms, not running away~! Gus

I received private therapy for two years. My therapist said (many times) "Stop beating yourself up" -those EXACT words.

And it's a great idea but sometimes I don't even know I'm doing it.

My mind wanders and starts to focus on reasons why I should be angry at myself, others, the system etc. It's really exhausting.

Distraction is great. But it's those alone times that are dangerous.

It's amazing what a terrible friend I can be to myself.

[NewDay45]

Catching yourself "feeling sorry for yourself" is a huge step forward in self-awareness. Congratulations.

Originally Posted by NewDay45

Catching yourself "feeling sorry for yourself" is a huge step forward in self-awareness. Congratulations.

I've been noting how many times a day I start my pity parties. It's a lot-no wonder I'm depressed. My mind seems to enjoy the dark reminiscing of childhood tears the most. It really sinks it's teeth into it and swallows it down whole.

"Remember the time that girl locked you in the basement with her evil friends and wanted to beat you up?"

"Remember when you were 10 and dad sent you that letter complaining that he had to work to support you?"

"Remember the time the teacher wanted to leave you back?"

"Remember 5TH GRADE?"

...honestly I want to tell my brain to "shut the fu*k up."

You're welcome Fuzzybear!

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks - I deleted my post (bad day ) - anyway thanks (again ) for this thread

[Lilleth]

If anyone has the answer please let me know and also how to stop feeling sad and weepy worst of all is when someone ask me how am I and tears immediately come to my eyes even if I was going to say I am ok. I am laying here been going through and reading the stuff on here and am already dreading going out to work tomorrow. A friend spent some time with me last night and called me to see how I was feeling. He says that I have to forget all the stuff I keep in my mind and stop worrying and making myself unhappy. Its sadness and fear I feel not unhappiness. If anyone has an answer please let me know. Mind you as I write this I am so lousy at finding where I have written anything that even if anyone out there had a reply for me I would not be able to find this again to read it. I have trouble navigating these sites.

Originally Posted by Lilleth

If anyone has the answer please let me know and also how to stop feeling sad and weepy worst of all is when someone ask me how am I and tears immediately come to my eyes even if I was going to say I am ok. I am laying here been going through and reading the stuff on here and am already dreading going out to work tomorrow. A friend spent some time with me last night and called me to see how I was feeling. He says that I have to forget all the stuff I keep in my mind and stop worrying and making myself unhappy. Its sadness and fear I feel not unhappiness. If anyone has an answer please let me know. Mind you as I write this I am so lousy at finding where I have written anything that even if anyone out there had a reply for me I would not be able to find this again to read it. I have trouble navigating these sites.

I think there is a way to save threads to your profile but I'm not sure how to do it. Hopefully, you can find your way back to this thread and read it.

You aren't just going to forget the stuff that happened. My mother and husband have both said to me "Stop thinking about these things, they're in the past they're over." Yeah..like that really helps.

Right now the best thing for me is distraction. Giving myself something else to focus on. Anything that grabs my attention.

I'm trying.

[blueoctober]

Lilleth;I agree with the others that you don't "forget" the bad stuff and I also think if one is in a depression those thoughts creep into our head more often then when one is stable. Therapy has helped me work through past issues and the right medication has also helped (I have bipolar). I know therapy isn't for everyone, but it has really helped me.

Distracting oneself can work for a time, but for me eventually that stopped working. I have always been very stoic and just pushed through life without complaining etc. and kept myself very busy. I was always seen as the "strong" one, but eventually this all came crashing down. I wish I had reached out for help earlier.

My suggestion is to work through the past and present issues with the help of a mental health professional. This can be done in one on one therapy or a group therapy setting. I have done both. I hope that helps.

[REINE D AMOUR]

Originally Posted by sundog

That is such a good question. I wish I had the answer!!! I am also good at feeling sorry for myself. I think partly it's just the nature of depression. It does tend to make us very focused on our own issues. Here are some things that help me sometimes:

- Keeping busy
- setting myself small goals so that I feel productive
- interacting with other people
- trying to do things that I enjoy (which isn't much anymore, but there are some things!!!)
- Making a list of all the things in my life I am grateful for
- Getting involved with a cause that I believe in and which helps people (or, in my case, animals) less fortunate than myself

thank you for sharing this points i will try to do it,because keeping busy for example is really useful in this case .

[Vossie42]

Originally Posted by Amy22

But I'm really good at it.

How do you stop?

Um, not sure yet. What do you get out of feeling sorry for yourself?

[Rhiannonsmoon]

This isn't something I suggest you do; this is something I did and it worked for me.

I shamed myself into it. I read other peoples stories and I felt so ashamed for feeling sorry for myself that I just went and had a shower to wash the self pity off and started supporting those others who really needed support.

I need it every now and again, but I find I am supporting others much more and that has helped me to realise I have more to offer than self absorbtion.

It is a really difficult thing to do but I know that with each person they find their own way out of it.

Please let us know how you go with this

[materialsrme]

Stop caring

[sunsetsunrise]

This is a hard one for sure. I agree with Rhiannon that the more time I spend helping others, the less I focus on thoughts of self pity ect. So many people were " victums" of abuse etc when younger. And the "victum" thoughts can become a default setting. So I would guess that just like any other obsolete operating system, it can become replaced with a newer and more efficent version. It does take time to learn to use it though. I think that healing often is a grace. I wonder if I could judge another human being as harshly as I judge myself. The answer to that is, absolutly no. I would respect other people more than than to ever pity them or see them as victums. Yet, that has been something i have done to myself.

I wish I had answers. But I do not.
Lillith, have you configured your settings to not be notified when someone writes something in a thread you have written in? You may want to check that out. I am notified by email whenever anyone posts something in a thread I have posted on

[lavieenrose]

I struggle with self-pity a lot, reviewing in my mind all the things in life that depression, anxiety and low self-esteem has robbed me of: income and financial security, finding a life partner, career, etc. I know I dig myself in deeper this way, but it's such a well-worn groove in my brain. They say you can form new pathways in the brain, but it takes such energy and awareness to practice that, and my brain is very sluggish. I appreciate the reminder to keep busier and be helpful and engaged with others. I need to do more of that. My isolation is killing me. That last sentence is a prime example of how the dramatic words I choose add to despair.

[Mustkeepjob32]

My thing I've always done is blame everyone else for my lack of progress in my life. Saying *I* was dealt the bad hand, *I* was the one fate chose to kick in the gut. I wanna believe that's true, but deep down I guess I could live such a better life if I just let myself. If I didn't stay in this frozen state of unfulfillment that I've been in for more than a decade.

Z

[jenny323]

I do that alot too mainly cuz I feel so much goes on and noone cares to stop and see what really goes on. Most of the time I talk to myself about whats bothering and I cry to let it out. I also concentrate on work and smile alot kinda to convince myself im doin good. When Im at home ill spend time with my daughter...listen to music when Im in car or think of how itll be in the future when Im over this problem. Thats the best case scenarion...when Im really down I just rather be alone and cry till I cant anymore and then ill feel better.

[lonegael]

What I had to teach myself to do was asnswer each of the "Remember?" questions with "And?"
"So what?"
"and the point of bring up this now is...?"
I treat my brain precisely the way you want to, except I challenge it to answer me, give me proof that there is a reason for dragging up the crap other than to just reinforce the bad status quo and make sure I stay low and "safe".
"Remember the time my teacher made fun of my math in front of the class?"
Yep. So? The point is? She's dead now. I'm not. That's all that matters.
"Remember that mom hacks at you even when the others are at the house?"
Yep. She's a nasty wench when she has that mood. And? Her grief, not mine. What does that have to do with now?
I bet your memories never bring up the good things that happen, do they. Instead of trying to get your brain to shut up, try to get it to spew out some of those as well. I'm pretty sure they are there. HUGGGSSSSSSS!

[Mustkeepjob32]

lonegael,

I like your examples of stopping negative thoughts in their tracks with "and so what?" responses. It is essentially CBT and I think it would work for me too if practiced on a regular basis. It's so easy to forget that we need to constantly retrain our mind.