told hubby I wanted to go "home"

I just want off this ride. It's time to go home and see my family that have gone on before me. I am tired. Not specifically suicidal, no plans. But a nice vacation from life for awhile would be nice. Switched Celexa to morning dose to help me sleep at night, then forget to take morning dose several days in a row. Switching back to night time because I allways take those.
Shoot, I have plans up to the next month, things I have to do, but I would rather go home and leave it to someone else.
I have to finish my crochet and knitting projects by a certain time, time for some is just about past, and one is due febuary 1st. Guess I should see these through. Daughter hasn't had kids yet or gotten married, and two others haven't either. I have six kids. son is autistic, so he will never marry or have kids as he's severe. But I have those three girls.... I have reasons for sticking around. But I am tired and sore, and miss my parents as messed up as they were.

yeah know when i was on celexa i noticed when i changed dosages or forgot to take it i got even more suicidal/thinking about how awful my life was than normal. not waying it's all due to the meds but it sure does effect it. i can't take that med anyways.
i am sorry you have this heavy emotions you are lugging around. it feels like you are being pushed down when all you want to do is get up.

I can relate. I get like that sometimes, needing a break from life. That's usually when I check myself in the hosptial. It's the only way for me to get a break. I do get suicidal too though. I always feel better when I get out, almost refreshed.

I hope you feel better soon.

I get those thoughts quite a bit. But, like you I have something else that will not let me plan or carry this out. I don't care how messed up I am. I know that my son with his severe ADHD really needs me. His mom gave up on him 3 years ago and just gave him to me full time. I'm not giving up on him.

Sometime I feel that all I want to do is fall asleep and not wake up. Just fee tired and worn out trying to keep going had a few good days but not I am falling into the pit again.

Good for you! That is what keeps my ex going. I did not give up on my son, but I could not care for him the way I used to anymore. So he has him. He is twenty seven going to be twenty eight. He has gone from size 34 pants to size 40 pants over the year and a half he has been there, which concerns me, but otherwise, he lives for that boy and fights his depression and pain by taking care of him. I see him regularly and they live in the same trailer park as I do, so I can pop in at any time.
depression has lessened some, had holiday party with all the kids but one who is out of state and two out of four of the grandchildren. Reminds me what I am here for. No matter how tired and in pain I am.

I feel like that alot. In times of stress I have told my husband that I would like to just go into a coma for a short while.
No psych hospital, no p-doctor, no counclor. These are the things I need to pursue this year. No insurance. Just meds. Went to one counceling appointment and canceled the next appointment, could not afford it.

just checking, I think you should call your doc about the change in mood, it doesn't sound good. Don't give up , there are so many reasons to be here!

I've blocked suicide from my mind as being an option. So far, it's worked.

I have tried that and am fairly succesful, because even though I don't go to church much anymore, I still fear what would happen should I do so. So one foot in front of the other, I have to keep going.

((((snapdragon))))

Thank you for the hugs. Today I am sick and not a good day again. Go to the doctor tomaro, and thinking of calling the crisis line tomaro and see where that gets me.

I have been waking up crying every morning this week sitting on the bus going to work i find myself with tears in my eyes i have to keep telling myself keep it in keep going I am scared I feel so sad and hurt inside. I go to see my therapist today and have one of those forms to fill out so they can judge how you are feeling. My heart feels like I have something tight around it I dont want to leave the house. I just want to go to sleep yet I am finding the only relief I get sometimes in sleep difficult. When I told someone how I had been feeling they told me that I had to stop crying as I'd make myself ill. I am already ill. They suggested I needed a holiday but that would not make any difference because that would bring up a whole lot of other problems. I was greatful for their concern but its hard to explain that depression is not something you can shake off. I have been saying in my head when I feel the tears and the dread comming on positive thoughts think positive or just saying prayers to distract myself.

Hugs, Lileth, if you need to talk, pm me. I would like to just sleep until I felt better, but have sleeping problems too. I hope the therapist can help you. I think alot of it for me is the season and the holidays, plus work stress. Was going to talk to the Dr about the depression when I seen her today, but just wanted to get out of there and get home. Those forms don't do any good when the doc doesn't read them.
We have to keep going, keep moving. We have people we don't even realize depend on us. But sometimes we need a break. I took today off, because I have a sinus infection. Do you take any meds?
I am scared too. I knew it already but read it again when I picked up my meds, The ambien I take every night, can make depression worse. But I am hooked on them and I am afraid to stop taking them, because then I won't sleep. I was getting only ten a month, but now get thirty. It's what I wanted, but I don't think it was a good idea.