I know I didn't deserve it

I didn't deserve their treatment. I never deserved being told I'm retarded, crazy, a *****, emo. I might've been a bit difficult but they never had to stay around me. I didn't need to be told that he cared about me one day and then tell me he hates my gutts the next and let her harass me. I'm loved, I'm smart, I'm beautiful, I don't need them at all. I'm not a drama queen, I'm not over emotional, I never play victim like they want me to believe so they're not jerks but justified.

I know this, but only a part of me believes it.. and I still want to cry.. I'm off the high of a successful attempt at standing up for myself, and a mild case of revenge.. and now all I can think of is it's just not fair at all.. Everytime I get a little happy they sense it, they come back with sweet words, telling me what to do, making me believe them, and let them in my life. Then they break apart every bit of me as if I were made of glass, then leave again laughing, proud of the accomplishment. It's gotten so bad, it's all through the internet, and my Dad wants to send the cops after them.

I hate this sadness, I know if I wasn't depressed this sadness wouldn't even be here and I would still be riding that wave of accomplishment and happiness for maybe days.. It's not fair..

I am so sorry LittleForgetMeNot. It is hard when the depression is bad. It seems as if everything people say is against you and mean. And you are right, they don't have to stay around you and if they start putting you down or saying mean things tell them they can leave and shut the heck up! You are allowed to feel the way you do and no one can tell you otherwise....but still, their words hurt I know.

Hang in there and know that there is always someone here to talk to

Bless your heart ~ you're right - you didn't deserve it. No one does. People that are cruel just have no idea how it can affect others. They don't know how much it can hurt ~ and they probably don't even care.

I've been hurt before like this and I always wished I could get back at them somehow ~ but I never could. I was never brave enough and besides, these kinds of people just don't seem to be ABLE to be hurt. It's like they have a wall around them that protects them. LOL And anyway - my conscience would never allow me to do something like that. My conscience is overactive, darn it. LOL

Please try to forget them. They aren't WORTH your trouble. You are letting them live RENT FREE in your head. Don't give them that much time - you have better things to think about. Like the weather. LOL God bless you dearheart. You are a survivor. Hugs, Lee

No one deserves it. But congratulations on standing up for yourself. It's never easy and I think the first step is hardest. Hope you focus on what you've done right, not what's wrong.

Stay away from those people, they're toxic.

Thank you. The problem is, my constant self-doubt has put me back in that situation over and over again. I wonder if I was wrong, I'll go back, apologize and they do it all over again. I used to talk to my Dad about this, but after so long of advice gone in one ear and out the other the topic irritates him and he doesn't wanna talk about it. The other day I was told by a friend of mine that if I didn't stop talking to them he wouldn't talk to me anymore, he was tired of seeing me getting hurt. I do feel even here I shouldn't mention it, as I've talked about these two same people quite a lot and I still never end up following much advice. I want it to be different, I really do, but the doubts and the loneliness.. When they're saying nice things I believe they're right, things are changing.. Damn my gullability.

I'm in a group type thing that's trying to help me fix this, but I've only been twice and of course, things take time.

everything's going to be ok