[Rose76]

Hi,

I just, last night, joined Psych Central. Besides being new here, I'm new to the using of on-line support group forums. So I feel shaky about how to proceed. But, I'll do the best I can.

After dropping in and out of school, and in and out of jobs, I became really in desperate straights. Reluctantly, I agreed to take an antidepressant medication. I doubted it was going to do any good, but I sure got a surprise. I was able to finish the vocational schooling program I was in and go on to hold jobs on a very steady basis. I was able to go to bed and get up in the morning at regular times. My life was dramatically changed.

I still had recurrent problems with depression, but it was manageable. I worked steady for years. In the fall of 2010, I lost a job. My depression became unmanageable. I didn't have to go into a hospital. I got treatment as an out-patient. The level of distress I go in and out of now is beyond anything I have ever experienced in past years. (And I've experienced a lot of ups and downs.)

I live alone and I am unemployed. I'm not destitute yet and have the basic necessities of life. But I am so afraid that I will not recover like I did in the past - lots of times. When I'm in my apartment, I'm afraid to step outside the door. If I manage to get out and drive to the store or someplace, then I'm afraid to come back to my apartment. I'll keep walking around the store trying to avoid going home. I'm scared to look for another job. I've always had social anxiety, but now that anxiety and the depression are partnered up like a tag team holding me down. I think those two problems feed off each other. I wonder if others have had to deal with those two problems at the same time and found it can get really difficult.

[AvidReader]

Ah, anxiety and depression: What an insidious cycle they create when they are functioning in tandem.

You asked if anyone can relate. I sure can. Just recently my depression has started to involve an agitation/anxiety component, and boy is it vicious, as you know.

Are you still taking meds for depression? If it helped before, it might be worth reconsidering. And I would definitely recommend trying an anxiolytic. I just started Xanax (again) for that reason. It helps me calm down and not stress/depress myself into a tailspin. It might be worth trying, if you're willing. (And Xanax is cheap; a 30-day supply of the generic [alprazolam] is only $3, at least in my neck of the woods.)

Best of luck to you.

[missbelle]

Welcome.....so glad you took the step to come and post here. I have a dx. of major depression but its pretty much in check. It does flair it's head once in a while though.My depression is like AvidReader. I get aggitated..thats the first sign depression is around the corner lurking. I was never one who rolled up in a fetal position in bed. I could not sit still, could not focus, and I had extreme anxiety. The anxiety is no fun as it also included panic attacks that at first made me feel like I was going to die!

You have found the right place to share. I hope it helps you. We are here 24/7. You will make some good friends here, and you can definately include myself!!

Welcome Rose,
I feel so sorry for you that you lost your job and the depression became unmanageable.
Don't be afraid , people here have been through alot and can help you get through this. Hang in there!

[madisgram]

welcome rose. so glad u found us. i suffer from depression and anxiety disorder. i have similar problems sometimes. do you see a therapist (T)? if so i'd give your T a call. sounds like you are having a rough time of it right now. sorry u are not working..know that causes it's own stress. the anxiety you are experiencing re not leaving your home or returning to it may be caused by your fears taking over. try to realize it's good to get out some and it's safe to return home. takes practice when it manifests itself but do try to not let those irrational thoughts control u. when u get the help you need and possibly "tweaking" your meds it may help you.
we're always here to support you and we care.

[Patriciann]

Hi Rose Welcome and very gentle ((())) of support and comfort to you. Whenever we experience job loss it creates stress and the longer we are without a job the more stressful it can become. Perhaps if you let your therapist know he would have guidance for you. It may be your medications need to be adjusted. Stress just has you feeling overwhelmed right now. Where you finished your vocational schooling – do they have job placement services? I know we have programs in our area that help people locate work by providing needed support and assistance. Be very gentle with yourself and I’m glad you are reaching out for needed support. I cope with depression as the result of living with a disability and after my husband died is when the depression began. It can be rough at times but being here with such wonderful people helps me to feel better. (((()))) - Patricia

[Rose76]

I am touched to have received the caring replies posted above so soon after my posting my first sharing of my situation. Thank you very much, all of you. I value each reply that I have received. I'm confused about how (or if it's possible) to reply to replies.

To: Avid Reader - yes, I'm on meds. I take clonazepam as an anxiolytic, but am not too impressed with it. (Seems to work better as a sleep inducer.) I have never taken Xanax and I have heard of it being very addicting and wicked to get off of. But, like you, I go into "tailspins" and would like to nip those early if I could. Xanax might be worth trying. Also, I take Nortriptyline (a TCA) for depression, and that is helpful. Thanks for sharing what has worked for you.

To: Jarebear - Thank you for your very kind encouragement and empathy.

To: Madisgram - yes, I saw my therapist last week, and I will see my Psychiatrist in 2 days. I fought fear today with some success - left the house twice.

To: Patriciann - Today, I had a meeting with a Job Developer at my state's Division of Vocational Rehab. I feel encouraged that she can help me. I'm sorry for the loss of your husband. The person who is my closest support is in declining health and I worry daily about how I will cope if I lose him.

Thank you all. I never expected to receive such kind expressions of support.

[Can't Stop Crying]

So how are you feeling now? Have things gotten any better?

Welcome to PC

[mudgey]

Hello! I too have depression, but the anxiety is new to me- at a panic level anyway. This year started rough and I started to lose control. Psych put me on Xanax to nip the attacks. Sometimes just knowing I have them is helpful. I have been on clonazepam as well and the xanax is a much faster reactor where as the other stays in your system longer. The xanax will put you to sleep too! I find coming here to vent or ask questions has been a wonderful tool for me. No one understands like those who post here. We are all different people, but so similar in how we feel. Keep posting and welcome!

[Seekingsunshine]

Thank you for sharing. I am new to PsychCentral also (just joined a few hours ago). I am also depressed, frightened, lonely and unemployed.

Originally Posted by Rose76

Hi,

I just, last night, joined Psych Central. Besides being new here, I'm new to the using of on-line support group forums. So I feel shaky about how to proceed. But, I'll do the best I can.

After dropping in and out of school, and in and out of jobs, I became really in desperate straights. Reluctantly, I agreed to take an antidepressant medication. I doubted it was going to do any good, but I sure got a surprise. I was able to finish the vocational schooling program I was in and go on to hold jobs on a very steady basis. I was able to go to bed and get up in the morning at regular times. My life was dramatically changed.

I still had recurrent problems with depression, but it was manageable. I worked steady for years. In the fall of 2010, I lost a job. My depression became unmanageable. I didn't have to go into a hospital. I got treatment as an out-patient. The level of distress I go in and out of now is beyond anything I have ever experienced in past years. (And I've experienced a lot of ups and downs.)

I live alone and I am unemployed. I'm not destitute yet and have the basic necessities of life. But I am so afraid that I will not recover like I did in the past - lots of times. When I'm in my apartment, I'm afraid to step outside the door. If I manage to get out and drive to the store or someplace, then I'm afraid to come back to my apartment. I'll keep walking around the store trying to avoid going home. I'm scared to look for another job. I've always had social anxiety, but now that anxiety and the depression are partnered up like a tag team holding me down. I think those two problems feed off each other. I wonder if others have had to deal with those two problems at the same time and found it can get really difficult.

[Rose76]

Hi,

To: Can't Stop Crying - I'm invited by a friend for dinner today (To Celebrate St. Pat's Day) So that will get me out of the house. Having somewhere to go helps. Thanks for welcoming me. And thanks for your concern. It is much appreciated.

To: Mudgey - Thanks for the specific feedback on your experience with clonazepam and xanax. Fortunately, I don't get real panic attacks; I get the type of anxiety that less dramatically, but effectively, gnaws quietly away at my belief in myself. (Like the way termites gnaw away at the structure of a house.) May I express a very hearty "AMEN" to what you say about how no one understands like we understand each other. And I am especially impressed with the quality of the postings on this web site.

To: All Posters Above - I remain depressed, but I am less frightened and less lonely because of the goodwill shown to me by all of you. I never expected what I've found here.

[Patriciann]

It feels so good to know you feel welcomed and cared about. Thank you for sharing and keep reaching out -- we are here for each other. ((())) - Patricia

[lavieenrose]

Welcome to PC. So glad that you found us, Rose. I've struggled with depression and anxiety throughout my life. I've had job and relationship failures as a result, and am single and on disability, which is hard. I really understand the struggles and feelings you described. I've done better at times, but am currently in one of the worst bouts I've had. I'm sure that you'll find a lot of support from the many wonderful people here at PC. There's a lot of heart here.

[egoalien]

Hey Rose,
I hope you were able to enjoy your dinner. I am new too and can relate to your story about recurrent depression and a particular bad current episode. I know how hard it is to get out, and just wanted to know I read your intro and really hoped your outing went well.

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by lavieenrose

Welcome to PC. So glad that you found us, Rose. I've struggled with depression and anxiety throughout my life. I've had job and relationship failures as a result, and am single and on disability, which is hard. I really understand the struggles and feelings you described. I've done better at times, but am currently in one of the worst bouts I've had. I'm sure that you'll find a lot of support from the many wonderful people here at PC. There's a lot of heart here.

Undoubtedly, you understand all too well the stress affecting me at present. I've read of persons who have had an experience with serious, even severe, depression and then got over it and went on to not have a chronic problem with it. (at least not a disabling problem) It seems the general public can grasp that better than they can the sort of difficulty you and I have. To have chronic recurrent bouts of serious depression undermines our chances for success in everything that we would like to have go right in life. It is a bitter pill to swallow when one realizes that the struggle may ease up now and then, but will likely always return.

I am touched that in the midst of your own current bout you are able to be caring of me and appreciative of the members of PC. That shows you have generosity of heart. I'm sure right now is very hard for you, especially since this is worse than lesser bouts you've gotten through. May your pain be lessened soon. Thank you for your kindness in encouraging me.