Shaken, and Stirred

Somewhat of a rough day today. I actually got to my program on time today... actually about a half hour early. I called the transportation service, it usually takes about 20 minutes to pick me up, last time I was just slightly late for the program so today I called just a bit earlier... And the van showed up before I even had the phone back on the hook practically. So I didn't shave and had to grab my stuff and finish getting dressed on the way down.

That wasn't why the day was bad though... actually I thought that was funny this morning.

At the end of the day I'm waiting for the van home... I am out of the program an hour earlier now, and there is supposed to be a van there early for me, but so far I've just been waiting and taking the van I used to take with the rest of the people from the program. So this means that although I'm out an hour earlier, I sit in the lobby for an hour more ON TOP of the 1/2 hour to 1-1/2 hour that the van is usually late for the 3 o'clock regulars.

So that's not it either... I'm going to start a new message...

So today I get out at 2, wait in the lobby, no van, rest of the group gets out at 3, so now, once again, I am waiting with them for the van.

Then one of the program directors from upstairs passes through the lobby and sees me and says "oh, your waiting for the van? Because Maria wants to see you upstairs, she was looking for you!"

So I go upstairs, worried about missing the van. (Just to clarify the story, I'll say now that I did NOT miss the van, they showed up and waited for me, which made everyone else late).

So I go upstairs. This is the other program I am in... not the therapy of the partial hospital, this is the program taking care of my other needs... bills, food shopping, etc. They took me to legal services last week and I had everything sorted out with them. Now they've been pushing me to make a doctor appointment, we want to rule out if my "sleeping too much" thing might be related to something physical rather than my depression. So I've been trying to get an appt with my primary physician, and the program people keep asking me.

But that's not what they wanted to talk about today.

They wanted to ask how I made out at legal services last week, and I said fine. But now the program people are worried about me being able to pay my bills. They want to take me to legal services AGAIN and talk to them about selling my house. This is very stressful. It may be something I have to do. But I didn't need the shock of this thrown in my face, and we don't even KNOW if it will be necessary yet!

So she wants to take me BACK to legal services on Wednesday (2 days from now). I told them of the progress I made cleaning up my rooms, sorting my mail (see my other thread here about I finally sorted my mail). This is 6 to 9 months worth of mail that I haven't been able to deal with. Now that it is sorted I can begin to open things and figure out my bank balances and stuff.

But NOW she wants to know if I can do all of that by WEDNESDAY!!!! I told her NO WAY!!! It took me this long just to sort it! And they want to send someone to the house to help me do it, but I said that won't help, because even with assistance, there is no way I can sit down for 8 hours straight and open ALL of this mail and figure out what it all means. This will have to be done a piece at a time... I can maybe do my bank statements in one day, enter some of my utilities bills another day, etc.

So I ask about the possibility of going to legal services NEXT week instead. POSSIBLY if I set my mind to it (and having a deadline will help) I can work over the weekend and the rest of this week and get it all done.

It turns out the reason for all of this rush is that my time in this program ends on Nov 30 and they want to make sure they have done for me all they can. Which I like, that they are trying to be helpful. But I had no idea there was a 2 month limit to this program (I wish I had known that earlier) and the concern now is that if I DO have to sell my house they want enough time to help me through that.

So we have set up for next Wednesday... because this Wednesday is just out of the question and there is no point of going back to legal services without my paperwork. And I'm reeling about the thought of loosing my house again. But time is now really short.

They have been to my house and seen all of my piled up mail... I tried to tell them how proud I was that that pile of mail is no longer there... it is now all sorted. And they appreciate my reaching that goal but now the priority is to get the whole thing finished. That's rough when you are trying to take things "one step at a time" and are trying to praise yourself for steps 1, 2 and 3 and then suddenly find out that you have to have all steps through number 18 done in three more days.

AND they have a limited schedule for when they can take me to legal services, so now all of a sudden getting an appointment with my doctor is not a priority, because this concern about my housing is. (I still have to do it, but I can't do it on the day we have set up to go to legal.)

Funniest (yea, ha ha) part of this... the person she works with isn't in the office and their schedules don't match. So since I can't go to legal this Wednesday, she has to check to see if the other guy will be available next Wednesday. So she is on the phone with him, their schedules overlap so she is asking if he can change his schedule on that day so that they can both go with me to legal together...

And they are trying to decide on morning or afternoon or something, and he must have asked her what is set up with the Legal Services office, because she turns to me and says "You don't already have an appointment set up with Legal, do you?" !!!!! 5 Minutes ago I had no idea I even had a REASON to see legal again... this was all your idea... and I've been sitting in this chair with YOU for all this time so HOW COULD I ALREADY HAVE AN APPOINTMENT!!!!

Funny thing because I thought I was through with legal services but last night Dionne Warwick and her psychic friends called me and told me to make an appointment with legal for next week anyway.

So I am stressed out and tired. Maybe I should just go make something to eat and try to relax. At least afterward... about 40 minutes in her office... I found that the van had arrived and hadn't left without me, so I was able to get home without a hassle.

They can make you sell your house??? Why on earth would you do that?

Ok. Sorry for all the hassle life is, (((dexter)))) eating is good. I find it tough to believe that many ppl LIVE on those kinds of "calendar shift" schedules...I mean, their whole job seems to entail that! ugh. hmm never had Warwick talk to me! hehehe

They can't make me sell it... but if I can't afford to pay for it and all of my monthly bills etc, it would be better to sell it rather than to wait until the bank forecloses on it.

It is something I have to think about, but isn't something I'm ready to deal with so suddenly and with such a short deadline.

Dexter dont sell it wait...dont let anyone PUSH you when you are not ready..It takes a long time to forclose on someone and maybe? you can do a bankrupsy like a chapter 13 ...which allows you to pay less on %#@&#! and over time..but dont DO it now......screw them wait..I too am in a close spot to yours and would not want to be rushed like that

((( DEXTER )))

(((((((((((((((Dexter))))))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry they are pushing you like this. As the others have said before me, think about this carefully, do not rush things.

Stay safe my friend!
time0

So sorry Dex. Please don't lose your house. Find some way to keep it..if you can!!

TGC

Wow some pretty hard decisions coming your way hang in there. I have a friend who rented an appartment and couldn't stand it so she bought a house and for 5 years tried to make a go of in on a limited income. But the morgage payment, electric bills, fuel bills (since heating was not electric) phone bills, repairs (since she wasnt renting if anything broke or didnt work she had to fork over the money for the plumbing and so on, on top of that there was home owners insurance to pay for, along with the daily cleaning and upkeep at the same time keeping the cupboards stocked with food and necessities and pay the transportation costs to work everyday she just couldn't keep her head fully above water. Last winter twice she went a month with absolutely no heat and phone because she had to choose between them and meds and groceries. She finally sold her house this month. Her list of bills and outgoing payments went from 20 a month to 4. I can fully understand your needing to sell your house. Like my friend you are in a situation where you have no choice but to put needs above wants. Great job at trying to take care of yourself I know the decision to sell was not easy for you. Theres nothing that says later on down the road you can't buy a place again. take care

One of the problems with urgency is that if it DOES turn out that I need to sell my house, it is something I know I can't do on my own (even if the depression is OK, the arthritis and other stress would be unbearable for me) and I've learned over the past two years that those people who are there to help me won't actually be around when the actual "helping" needs to be done. So if I can have help with it now it may be more doable that trying it on my own... and so now I've discovered that the "help" that I have available to me through the program is only available until the end of November.

Pressure.

are they "making" you sell your home so you have money to pay for stuff the govt pays for anyway? are they going to take your money (one way or another) like ss nursing homes do??? do you own your home or is the payment too much to make right now? I think I recall you going through this before.. .and I probably said the same thing (nothing like having your own place, hang on to it if at all possible) Don't answer any questions in public you don't want to.. I'm just wracking my brain (which isn't very deep lately.)

Hi myself, I haven't made the decision yet... when I bought this house I was definitely able to afford it comfortably, I made sure of that before I purchased. It is just that my financial situation has changed because of my depression, and since (also because of my depression) I haven't been able to stay on top of my finances I really have no idea if I am "affording" it now or not. I was making a lot more money right before my depression hit, and right now I think I am making about the same as I was making when I bought the house so in theory it should be working out. I just don't know.

I'd hate to give it up if it turns out I can afford it. And I hate now suddenly having to rush to see what the case is. And the stress of it all.

I am completely on my own... no family or anything for support or backup... and because of that it was an EXTREMELY difficult road to get from where I was to the point where I could get a house. If I lose my house I will be back at that starting point, very bad credit (that it took me many years to fix) etc... and I did that without the "benefit" of arthritis and depression and the fact that I am older now... it took me about 15 years to get to the point where I had my own good credit, car, home... in another 15 years I'll be 60 years old, so I don't even think that would be a goal for me anymore. And I don't even have the friends in my life that I used to have... my goals have always been oriented with sharing my fun and experiences with people, and with that largely gone I don't know what my goals would be if I lost this house...

I hope you don't lose your house but please remember that financial problems can be so much stressful and it doesn't help depression.

I am sorry you are alone. I know by what you write here that you are a very good person. If I would live close to you I know it would be an honor for me to be your friend and I would surely help you out. I'm not saying this because I'm far from you now, I'm saying it because I know I would.

You will make it my friend! I believe in you!

((((((((((((((Dexter))))))))))))))))

time0

I think you're thinking clearly, Dexter. I agree that you shouldn't wait until foreclosure. My opinion is that selling your house is the responsible thing to do if you have gone through your finances and realize that your income can't support your liabilities.

It's not like you couldn't make a new nest in a rental. You can -- and who knows what new opportunities await you if you decide to do that. Maybe you'll have some cool new neighbors. Maybe even someone to date! Maybe a mentor... who knows?

Stay responsible, Dexter. I have tons of faith in you.

Hi Dexter,

I cant make much of a reply without totally hyjacking the entire thread, only I know how difficult it is to try and make ANY decision during the times of devistation of depression and arthritis and lack of support in the 3D in regards to ADL's to say the least. I have got to say it is good to hear that you are getting out of bed and have dealt with the mail situation and eating... I do honestly know how much effort that all is in itself.

Keep up the good work and effort that you are putting forth even if it is getting out of bed, I KNOW sincerly how much of a challenge this in itself is and I send well wishes for you to continue to do each of these things many people do not even think of as being part of everyday things that are major challenges in themselves. I am just letting you know I understand how much you do put forth effort in all the things that seem trivial to some. Good Wishes to you. I wish you the best.

Take Care,
Thinking of you, Kris

Hi Kris WOW I haven't seen you around since I returned due to my recent relapse (maybe you are in other forums I haven't been hanging out in?)

Anyway good to see you and hope you are doing well.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((kris!!!!!!))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))00 good to know you are reading us here!

Dexter, maybe .. oh wait, did we have this discussion before? working with. or ? sorry thought I had a thought but think I don't now. (((hugs)))

OK, so here is Episode II of this saga.

First a short recap:

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They want to take me BACK to legal services on Wednesday (2 days from now), to talk about selling my house.

Impossible to have my mail opened and ready by then, so I get them to postpone it for next Wednesday. I give them the number of the lawyer that saw me there, and they will set everything up for next Wednesday.

They confirm that the other caseworker is available for that next Wednesday by contacting him on his cellphone, and they are talking for awhile, and at one point the worker in the office, after some back-and-forth on the phone, turns to ME and says "Do you have an appointment for Legal Services for next Wednesday?"

WTF!!!??? Until 5 minutes ago I didn't even know I was going back to legal services ever again in my life. How would I have an appointment set already.

So now I am stressed out about having to rush to decide if I have to sell my house, and about the idea of having to FINISH sorting through all of my mail and bills... a big depression issue for me, which I was just beginning to make small steps of progress on, now I have to have it FINISHED by next Wednesday.

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OK... so I DID finish the paperwork, by the weekend!!! Got ALL of the bills sorted and entered into my computer. Now I know what my real balances are, how much is due, how much is past due, etc. I have all the bills sorted and stapled and filed, and a copy of the most recent bill pulled out ready to take to legal. I have them all separated into three folders... utility bills (some are current, some are past due), credit cards (these are terribly behind and several are in collection) and medical bills. I have each bill paperclipped to any related paperwork, like letters from collection agencies for that account. I am in sort-heaven.

I manage to print out balances of my accounts to take along, and work out a rough budget. I put together a better budget using Excel separately, trying to pad the expenses upward to give myself a real sense of whether this is possible. I print out these additional items, balance sheet, budget sheet, expense spending... and have them in a fourth folder to bring along. These folders are all gathered and in my tote bag to bring with me. Everything else is put away in the drawer. No more mess lying around.

PLUS if you'll notice ladies and gentleman... I completed this even though MY COMPUTER DIED right in the middle of all of this. I didn't loose any of my entries, I did lose two of the manual spread-sheets I made and had to recreate them from scratch... but mostly I had to deal with the stress of loosing and fixing my computer without panicking about being ready for legal services!

Hurray for me!!!

But you know that traditionally Act II of a three act play is the part of the show where they introduce the conflict, the problem, the trouble.

So...

After my group sessions today I go down to the program that is taking me to legal. I am on the road with them in their van, and one of them says something, I can't remember what, but it prompted a question in me... "Did you set up an appointment for me at legal services today?"

Caseworker 1(CW1) tells me that Caseworker 2(CW2) told her that no appointment is necessary. That is not true, you need an appointment with one of the lawyers there. I know this because the first time I was there, CW2 took me without an appointment, I had a brief meeting with one of the lawyers that happened to be available, they took copies of my paperwork, and I set up an appointment for another day. CS2 took me again to that appointment. He dropped me off there and I called when I was finished and ready to be picked up.

So if ANYTHING, CS2 should know from direct experience that you need an appt. So I suggest calling their offices before we waste the time going there. She instead calls CS2. CS2 explains that it wasn't that he said "no appointment necessary" it was that he thought that I had set up an appointment for this date when I saw the lawyer previously. Huh? Whaaaa??? If I had set up an appt, he wouldn't have known the details, he was not in the office with me for that trip! (He just dropped me off and picked me up).

So we are close there by this time anyway... we go upstairs and ask if their is an appointment for me there today. Nope. I see the lawyer... she says she has free time tomorrow in the morning, but CS1 can't commit to that until she sees if her or CS2's schedule is free to take me. She calls her home office, they say no, everyone is tied up in a meeting tomorrow morning. So it has to be next week. Well I am supposed to be back to work next week. I just flat out said no... because to tell the truth, I am still not 100% sure why I am going back to legal services in the first place. This was their idea! I mean, to tell me if I can afford my house? For that we need an accountant or credit counselor... not wasting a lawyer's time.

So anyway we have to leave a future appointment up in the air until I find out what my work schedule is going to be. She is back on the phone with CS1 and he is saying that he thought that I had set up an appointment for today. May I refer you back to last week's episode:

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"Do you have an appointment for Legal Services for next Wednesday?"

WTF!!!??? Until 5 minutes ago I didn't even know I was going back to legal services ever again in my life.

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What a circus.

We pick up CS2 at his location with another client. He says he just assumed I had an appointment because it was written up on the schedule board. I think it was written up on the schedule board back when I said that "2 days was unreasonable for me to have my stuff ready". I think when I said "What about next Wednesday?" I think they put it up on the schedule board for that time, but no one followed through to make an appointment, and then everyone saw the board and assumed the appointment had been made. So now both of them are in trouble with their boss.

So what is the name of the guy playing first base? No, Who's on first! What? Thhhiiiiiiiirrrddd BASE!!!

(( DEX )) What a nightmare ...I would go to credit counslers like you kinda kicked around they will work in your LONG TERM intrest and CAN kick those credit cards down to out....Youre going back to work so maybe its an omen not to sell yet......

I meant to post again after this but I got sidetracked... wanted to say that todays events didn't stress me out. It didn't take very much time out of my day, and in fact the ride home in that program's minivan is much much more comfortable than my usual ride in the healthcare transportation van... and with all the dropoffs they have to make I probably got home before I would have with the regular transport even with the extra time to the law office.

Also, as a result of this, I have my stuff all organized which is quite relieving for me.

I think it is a good sign for me that this didn't stress me out. I wanted to post only because it was so absurd. I also want to say that even with the poor organization, the general purpous of this program is very good and very helpful... kind of an organization that lets you know what other organizations are available to offer help and helping set you up with those organizations including providing transportation. They are the ones that set me up in the partial hospital program, they are the ones that took me to the laundromat and grocery shopping. They may need to get their organizational skills in shape but they have a good purpous.

I have to chime in with a quick:

Good job on doing all that paperwork! Bravo!

By the way, you are an eloquent writer, I want someone to pay you for your story, they can use it for a cool movie script, and then we can all say we knew you when!

Thnx!

Maybe we could get Tom Cruise to play me in the movie version... he'd have to research the character to learn how to play a mentally ill person. Maybe he'll learn something in the process.

If he's a hopeless case... maybe he's too close minded... then I vote for Brad Pitt. I'll hang around the set and ask the makeup artist to inject some collegen in my lips and see if I can seduce him I'll show him who the tomb raider is (I don't even know what that is supposed to mean, but you can put a wink after anything and make it a double entendre )

I just wanted to say, from my point of view and what I've read of your postings that you have a great sense of humor. Love the Tom Cruise thing. Hate him with passion.

WOW (((Dexter))) what a good job you are doing, really! now..wait... isn't that Cruises REAL problem is his mental unwellness that makes him think those weird things in the first place????

Anyway, many of us would not be able to continue, or get a job done with all that interference. I hope things begin to smooth out for you soon...

>>isn't that Cruises REAL problem is his mental unwellness that makes him think those weird things in the first place????

I actually really believe that to be the case. Just as a guess. Seriously I wouldn't claim to "diagnose" him just on watching his behavior on TV but that is also really the first thought that came into my mind when watching him, at least as a possiblity.