[Overcastbutclearing]

I have this wish that I could be normal. That I didn't believe that only death will bring true healing. That I didn't hurt so badly inside.
I wish that I was brought up by a set of parents who were nurturing...even pretended like they cared.
I wish I could relate with people my own age (36) but instead I look @ them as adults and inside I feel like a little kid.
I wish the meds, the therapy the journaling...all that I do to try to feel normal, or feel relief were working.
I wish.........

[Parker10]

I wish all those things for you as well, and can "feel" your pain in this post.

Please keep working on your journaling, therapy, thinking........as I have said to you, I have seen such growth in you since I came to this site, however, I don't think you can see it right now.

Keep on keepin on S.....you are worth so much more than you think you are.

[Lou_Pilder]

sj0401,
You wrote,[...wish...I could be normal.That I didn't believe that ...death would bring..healing....I wish the....were working...].
I could offer you support from my perspective by PM?
Lou

[Estee1]

So sorry that you feel so bad. Hope things get better soon. Sending you heaps of hugs. ((((((((((((hugs)))))))

[jmo531]

(((((((((((((((((((Susan))))))))))))))))))))))

It is interesting.....the title of your thread "Wishing I was NORMAL". I often sit around and think...What is normal? I dont beleive there is a "normal" only what society deems as acceptable.
In truth, being normal, to me, is rather boring. I think being ones self is the best thing you could be. I know you on a personal level and I find you to be one of the most caring, loving and generous person. I think that you have been so strong through all of this and that shows so much about your charecter. You are a survivor.

I am 32 and like you I look around at people my age and think...WOW these people are "old" (LOL). But if you sit back and look at it, we never had a chance to grow beyond a certain age due to the abuse we endured. This is not our fault. You put entirely too much blame on yourself when you need to look at the persons responsible and blame them. I also beleive that being childlike on the inside is not necessarily a bad thing. It means we can see things in different ways. This is a gift at times.

Your mother has caused you tremendous pain. I know that you struggle with this and I know how painful that can feel when we "feel" that our parents do not love us or did not treat us the way we needed to be treated. I struggle with this too. I look at myself and ask "what was I lacking? what could I have done better?" to make my parents love me." The truth is, you didnt do anything wrong. We are the people we are for a reason. I beleive that our parents lack the capacity to love and nuture for reasons we may never understand.

Remember, we love, we breathe, we survive in spite of what they taught us, despite what we endured at the hands of their abuse. We are STRONGER for it, even if we dont always know it.

Please know that I value you as a friend and a person and I think you are truely wonderful. So does Mare .

Love you,

Jen

[Parker10]

JMO has said it so wonderfully. You ARE a good person. I hope the day comes really soon that you can see that.

A very smart lady once said "Normal is just a setting on a clothes dryer".........and I happen to agree. "Normal" is just a word, and what is or isnt normal is competely individual. I truly like how JMO describes how NOT being "normal" is a good thing!!!

Keep on keepin on Susan........so many people here have gotten to know you, and LIKE you, and CARE about you......seems to me "WE" cant be all wrong!

[ozzie]

(((((((((((((Susan Jane)))))))))))))))) I wish we could all feel good.

[Overcastbutclearing]

I guess normal does have a few degrees of variations.
Thanks JMO for your insight.
Perhaps we are different then those who have not dealt with hurt and abuse...but maybe that makes us be able to be stronger in some areas.
Anyway...thanks for all the replies. It was good for me to read everyone's thoughts.

[kvinneakt]

If you are not normal, then I am very happy to make your acquaintance!!

The "normal" people I work with, almost the entire lot of them, are a bunch of ego-centric, loud mouthed, boring, slobs.

You don't want to be one them.

Someday I am going to write a dissertation developing the idea of "mad lib" as the topic of personal liberation that parallels women's lib, or gay lib. I am convinced that much of the pain and suffering associated with mental "illness" is our misguided need, personally and collectively, to supress our differences and conform to the norm.

The concept of social diversity needs to expand to contain the many personalities just as it has the many colors and cultures. That is a lot harder to quanitify for the corporate bean counters, but just as important for us with our sometimes difficult ways of being.

[Overcastbutclearing]

I love Mad Libs...I hope you will share your writings with us!

Yeah..Normal Shhnormal...
We are inviduals!

[ZuZu]

Some dictionary meanings of normal; standard, average,ordinary,expected,regular and unchanging.

Antonyms for normal; unusual, exceptional,rare,uncommon, and remarkable.

sj,
You have to feel better knowing that you are exceptional, rare, and remarkable. I know I do.

[LadyDragus]

i'm so sorry you are feeling this way..

I wish I could you give you some encouriging words..

but all I can do is say love to you.. and hang in there. it will get better..

[(JD)]

I don't think "normal" exists except in textbooks. And I sure wouldn't want to be "average" as that is just being like a majority of ppl... whether they are well or not. The best thing is to wish to be YOU! Who you really are... I wish for you all those good things... and more... take time and be gentle with yourself.... healing is a process (grrrrr)

[cheche]

What you wish will come true someday except what has happened in the past. All the past has passed, why always linger around the past?