[Secretum]

I was mostly "up" today. I got a lot done. I was euphoric. But now I feel hollow and mellow and slightly sad..and it's not due to a natural rhythm because yesterday I had the opposite pattern. Why don't my moods make sense?!

[buttrfli42481]

Ticked off with my co-workers. They know I am not able to go to clients alone yet, so why don't they call me back? I need my hours for the week.

[bronzeowl]

This headache is making it hard for me to concentrate on anything. I wish it'd go away.

[skyscraper]

I wish that I could just wish myself away. Somewhere other than where I am now. I just cant take to constant pain, suffering, and rejection anymore.

Sisyphus ... up and down ... up and down ... up and down ... .. .

[porcupine2]

Why do I make the most simplest task so complicated? I have an appointment tomorrow and all week I've been trying to figure out how to get there, by bus or cab, which route to take, how I can manage a pit stop to get cigarettes on the way, and get some cash out of the ATM for this week's allowance. And all the little details in between. I make myself crazy but I can't seem to stop my racing thoughts,.

I am really worried that the welcome mat always seems to get the dirty end of the deal.

[Rose76]

I have been thinking that, if I just keep trying, things will get better. I have been full of interest in things. Since July 21, I have been greatly improved. Today is not as good as it has been since then. I'm just telling myself not to look down. There really is no safety net. I could still end up in a shelter. I'm not going to think that way right now, though.

[buttrfli42481]

Am I going to see any clients this week?

[AvidReader]

I'm worried about my own recovery. I finally feel like I turned a corner last May/June during my last hospitalization, but literally the day I got home my husband informed me he was divorcing me, which has emotionally shattered me. Now I found out a beloved aunt, who has been like a second mother to me, has had her cancer return after 18 years cancer free. I feel like I am barely hanging on by a thread, like the depression is rubbing its hands in glee, so to speak, waiting to reclaim me. I hope I can hold on.........

[ExiExi]

red lights flashing through the window in the rain, can you hear the sirens moan
white cane lying in a gutter in the lane and you're walking home alone..

[arcangel]

Originally Posted by ExiExi

red lights flashing through the window in the rain, can you hear the sirens moan
white cane lying in a gutter in the lane and you're walking home alone..

Don't let it bring you down
It's only castles burning,
Just find someone who's turning
And you will come around.

[Rose76]

I downloaded iMesh off the Internet. Now this iMesh is taking over my computer. It was a web site offering music. It successfully resists any attempt I make to uninstall it. I'll get help to get rid of this thing.

[Rose76]

Kept free of depressive signs and symptoms from July 21 until about an hour ago. Now I'm depressed.

I'm going to fight it.

I'm afraid I am not employable anymore, and that I should have tried to get SSDI. But I don't think I'm that bad off. I ache all over. Why ? after feeling good all those days.?

[arcangel]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I downloaded iMesh off the Internet. Now this iMesh is taking over my computer. It was a web site offering music. It successfully resists any attempt I make to uninstall it. I'll get help to get rid of this thing.

That's a bad one. There should be an APB put out on that program
I hope the link I sent you works out. It should. It's shareware but you can use it twice free of charge.
If you have an anti-virus program I'd ditch it and get AVG and Malwarebytes' Anti-Malware. Both are free and if set up properly would have warned you about DLing imesh.
I don't use P2P (nope ) but if I did I'd use uTorrent and Peerblocker and pirate bay.

And I hope you feel better soon. Maybe you should go ahead and apply for SSDI. That doesn't mean you can never work again. You may find a job before the SSDI application process is even decided

[Nemo39122]

is it worth it?

[buttrfli42481]

trying to keep the bad thoughts at bay.

I am thankful the vice has been loosed from my innards.

[porcupine2]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

I am thankful the vice has been loosed from my innards.

Now that's an interesting statement. Like your new pic by the way.

[Rose76]

I declined to apply for SSDI, even though I was encouraged to do that back when I was really severely depressed. Now I am better than I was, but afraid that I will not survive in the job force (if I can even get a job.) I sure do have a nicer apartment to live in since my depression lifted for 3 weeks and I cleaned the place up.

[Unrigged64072835]

Wondering when the other shoe is going to drop. Will it be sooner or later?

[Shadow-world]

I like the Rilke quote, Fharraige. It reminds me a bit of a phrase that says in other words that it is the journey rather than the destination that matters in life.

[Shadow-world]

I sure do have a nicer apartment to live in since my depression lifted for 3 weeks and I cleaned the place up.[/COLOR][/I][/QUOTE]

Rose, well-done for making your apartment nice. That is an achievement, especially when one is depressed and really low in energy. Enjoy the result of your work!

[Rose76]

Since July 21, I have had relief from depression, and now it's creeping back and I got to focus on not giving in to it, rather than just being scared and just doing escapist things - like watch TV and sleep.

[jen29]

I don't know how much longer I can take me.!?