NEW Daily "What's On Your Mind?" Depression Sentence Thread

Open Eyes · Sep 17, 2011, 08:20 AM

I have to admitt, I dislike winter as well, I am truely hoping this year provides a mild one, last year there was too much snow, too much shoveling, and very cold.

Open Eyes

Shadow-world · Sep 17, 2011, 08:22 AM

I'm turning into such a disappointment to people - even my friends: Overslept a coffee meeting with a friend this morning who was understandably very disappointed and a bit cross. If I got a single night of uninterrupted sleep (which I haven't had for a fortnight) I might actually be able to get up.
Feeling dreadful I've let him down now.

Rose76 · Sep 17, 2011, 10:51 AM

Shadow-world, I'll bet you are a very conscientious person. That can cause you to be over-hard on yourself. I'm sorry you had the experience of your friend getting cross with you. Maybe your friend is not aware of the amount of struggle you are dealing with. If positions were reversed, how do you think you would react to being stood up for coffee?

SadNJNY · Sep 17, 2011, 12:25 PM

I'm not a victim.
There is no one to blame for where I am and what I've become.
This miserable life of mine is MY creation. I own it. I live it.
How can I possibly forgive or even love myself now?

xLittleBLUEpiggyx · Sep 17, 2011, 01:22 PM

trying to consentrate on hmwk... not working. want to sleep but wnt fall. feeling mostly dead at the moment.....

feel the need to SI again but resisting the urge....

nicoleb2 · Sep 17, 2011, 02:49 PM

Tired of the constant struggles, sleep, depression, SI. I just want to feel normal again, whatever that means. I don't know how to keep going like this. I am useless. My kids need someone who can be functional for them. How can I be that person when I feel this way?

TerryL · Sep 17, 2011, 03:06 PM

Just read that Ted Kennedy and Walter Mondale's daughters both died at the age of 51. That is around my age. It reminds me that life can be so short. I really don't want to die an unhappy person. Will try to hang on to the news to spur me to let go of my guilt issues. Too many wasted years.

Rose76 · 04:44 PM

To: SadNJNY It sounds like you have made a decision that you do not want to embrace victim-hood as a primary identity. That seems very commendable to me.

Do we have to chose between : 1) blaming and hating others verses 2) blaming and hating ourselves? I just offer that as a theme for reflection. I am thinking about it a lot.

Open Eyes · Sep 17, 2011, 06:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SadNJNY

I'm not a victim.
There is no one to blame for where I am and what I've become.
This miserable life of mine is MY creation. I own it. I live it.
How can I possibly forgive or even love myself now?

But that is where you begin SadNJNY, You must begin by forgiving yourself and loving yourself. No one has a perfect life, we all make mistakes and often blame ourselves. Much of depression has a lot to do with blaming ourselves and not allowing ourselves to grow and learn and accept our mistakes. So often we look for ourselves in others, judge ourselves by how others receive us. Well, that is just not being fair to ourselves
at all. We have to reach into ourselves and make the efforts and that is done EVERY SINGLE DAY AS LONG AS WE LIVE. So what that means is that we have an opportunity to learn new things, love ourselves for what we can learn, and take small steps and find what is in each of us that we can polish and use and even share with others.

Bottom line is that we have to invest in ourselves and it doesn't even matter what color, faith, class we are in, weather we have skin deep beauty or not. None of that really matters in the long run, because it is whatever each of us has that is worth the effort no matter what it is, there is always something there.

I can talk to you in red, until I am red in the face, but the truth is I cannot do it for you, YOU have to do it for YOU.

Open Eyes

08:00 PM

Nevermind.

Rose76 · Sep 17, 2011, 08:52 PM

I say to myself that I have always seen being very depressed eventually give way to feeling better for awhile. So that will happen again.

Meanwhile, I have to do things that need doing, even though I don't feel like doing them. That's what so many others are doing and I read posts attesting to that. I'm still in the "giving up" mode. I wonder how I got this far. It seems like I'm risking losing everything. Then I wouldn't have to be afraid anymore, if there were nothing to lose.

nicoleb2 · Sep 17, 2011, 11:14 PM

Who am I?? Does anybody know? What am i feeling? What the hell is wrong with me? why do i have to be this way?

lostgirl1976 · Sep 18, 2011, 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicoleb2

Tired of the constant struggles, sleep, depression, SI. I just want to feel normal again, whatever that means. I don't know how to keep going like this. I am useless. My kids need someone who can be functional for them. How can I be that person when I feel this way?

I know exactly how you feel. I want to feel normal again too. Especially for my kids. Sometimes it's just so hard to push myself to do what is necessary for them because I feel so bad that I just want to sleep until I feel better. I guess the only thing you can really do is take it one day at a time and try to find the positive in what the day can bring.

lostgirl1976 · Sep 18, 2011, 10:22 AM

I'm so tired. I felt good yesterday. I was able to smile and laugh without pretending. I felt fun and silly when I was playing with my kids. Today I couldn't even get out of bed for work. I just want to be closed into a small, dark room where I can suffer in silence or sleep until I can feel good again.

coldwutlulz · Sep 18, 2011, 01:42 PM

Stay happy stay happy stay~I wonder if I still have anymore cookies. My head hurts. I can't wait to see my pets.

coldwutlulz · Sep 18, 2011, 02:59 PM

I am so tired. Missing that burst of energy.

Visioneer · Sep 18, 2011, 04:53 PM

There is literally four loads of laundry on my bed. It has been there for almost two weeks. I've been digging through it in the morning before work to find something to wear, and sleeping in it at night. The dishes are piled up, I don't have a single clean cup left. I've been hardly showering the last few weeks and it's starting to show in my skin. My diet is awful, I hardly eat any real food at all. I don't remember the last time I sat down to a real meal. I stayed in bed until 3pm today. All I want to do is hide in there and never come out. I look around at all of this mess and feel totally helpless. I feel sick and tired and sore. I've got to get out of this slump.

nicoleb2 · Sep 18, 2011, 06:33 PM

I don't know who i am anymore

Mustkeepjob32 · Sep 18, 2011, 06:39 PM

My definition of success is to be able to go to work like normal people, earn money, and progress in my profession. I'm afraid, because of all my failures, that no one will help me achieve that anymore

.

alwaysrejoice · Sep 18, 2011, 07:29 PM

when will i be able to relax again?

arcangel · Sep 18, 2011, 10:24 PM

Is there a difference between counting backwards from one million and basket weaving other than the fact that no baskets are woven?

Rose76 · Sep 18, 2011, 10:27 PM

Member

Visioneer is a stranger in a stranger land

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Re: NEW Daily "What's On Your Mind?" Depression Sentence Thread
There is literally four loads of laundry on my bed. It has been there for almost two weeks. I've been digging through it in the morning before work to find something to wear, and sleeping in it at night. The dishes are piled up, I don't have a single clean cup left. I've been hardly showering the last few weeks and it's starting to show in my skin. My diet is awful, I hardly eat any real food at all. I don't remember the last time I sat down to a real meal. I stayed in bed until 3pm today. All I want to do is hide in there and never come out. I look around at all of this mess and feel totally helpless. I feel sick and tired and sore. I've got to get out of this slump.
__________________
"They don't even know they're doing the same thing as everyone else, just using a different name. Entertaining themselves. Missing it. Lying. None of them care about pole vaulting, or dreams!"

Sorry if I moved that quote the wrong way.

Those are all signs of being truly very depressed. I am very sorry that you are down that low. Please keep posting, even if just to say how bad it is. People are listening. Do you have anyone to stop by, or who you could go see? It's bad because you sound like you are sliding down as you post. Do you have any help? Not to pry, just concerned. Just post how you feel, regardless.