[SadNJNY]

Originally Posted by modmaiden

I am feeling stuck in boredom, depression and irritability. Sometimes my customers are a nice distraction but I often have to 'fake' being happy, when I am actually hurting. I know intellectually God has not forsaken me, but this is all I feel, lonely, bored and today, depressed. It's opressive and claustrophobic! Can anyone relate?

Yes, I can relate. I've felt that way for most of the past 4 years.
I hope and pray it passes quickly for you.

[Caretaker Leo]

Can't think of anything that hurts more right not than family ignoring my emails.

Still a few tears for my pup today, but feeling better about the tough decision I had to make. I now accept that it was the best thing. I'll miss her forever, but I know the suffering is gone and she's now playing with her brother. I'm also looking to bring another rescue home and am getting very excited about it.

[Rose76]

Didn't get any response to the resumes I put out. Feel like a reject. Went to resume writing workshop today. I have a lot of fixing and polishing to do to the resumes. Applying for a job is very hard nowadays. I don't dare let a bill get paid late, because I am told employers do credit checks on applicants to see what-kind-of-a-person-you-are. I fear I'm way too damaged goods to even get considered anywhere that isn't a h_ll-hole.

[buttrfli42481]

Need to learn to say no to people.

[Axmann]

Trying to find purpose in this useless shell I call my "life".

[1D10T]

Why did I try to go to group yesterday when it was not even scheduled to next week?

[clouds_and_sun]

Very depressed.

[nicoleb2]

I feel like I am a robot programmed to take care of children and husband, take meds and go to therapy.

I think they forgot to program any emotions for me. I feel flat, like I am a robot just sent to get the daily tasks done. There is no "me"

I am a body, with nothing in it. I don't feel alive anymore.

[Open Eyes]

(((((missbelle)))))
It is better to be safe than sorry. I will say prayers for you to find out you are healthy enough to get the surgery you need.
Open Eyes

[Open Eyes]

(((((nicoleb2)))))

I know that feeling of getting into such a drone schedule. Try to make time for you to have a play time for yourself. I used to do that alot, I would take time outs and just go for a drive and stop at antique shops or consignment shops and just cruse on my own time. What are some of your interests that you used to have before you became a family drone? Honestly make time to do little things out of the norm for yourself. I even made a good friend in an antique shop and I just go there to chat with her. And we joke about how we often have been in a drone situation and all the little things we see that our significant others just miss.

Open Eyes

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by Rose76

Didn't get any response to the resumes I put out. Feel like a reject. Went to resume writing workshop today. I have a lot of fixing and polishing to do to the resumes. Applying for a job is very hard nowadays. I don't dare let a bill get paid late, because I am told employers do credit checks on applicants to see what-kind-of-a-person-you-are. I fear I'm way too damaged goods to even get considered anywhere that isn't a h_ll-hole.

Wow Rose I am impressed, you are taking a resume workshop? You are really looking for self improvement, I really like that in you. So what if it you think it is small steps, I think your doing great and you are pushing into a direction. Have some faith, you ARE a good caretaker remember that. You will get there. You just keep at it and it will come. Things just don't come to you, you do have to go looking and I am really inspired at every step you have taken. You go girl.
Open Eyes

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by Xando

Still a few tears for my pup today, but feeling better about the tough decision I had to make. I now accept that it was the best thing. I'll miss her forever, but I know the suffering is gone and she's now playing with her brother. I'm also looking to bring another rescue home and am getting very excited about it.

Thats great Xando, that is exciting that you have decided to be a puppy mom to another puppy. There are many little doggies that are just waiting for the chance to be loved. Let us know when you have picked your new love, I am very excited for you too.

Open Eyes

[Open Eyes]

1DO1T, youll get there, sounds like you are looking forward to the support group experience. Youll get there, hope all goes well.
Open Eyes

[Open Eyes]

((((((Clouds and Sun)))))) keep looking for those sunny days. We all have the grey days.

Open Eyes

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by Axmann

Trying to find purpose in this useless shell I call my "life".

Hi Axmann, welcome to PC. You have to learn to fill that empty shell with special things. Be glad it is empty and has plenty of room to start to fill it. What are your hobbies, surely you have things you like to do.

Open Eyes

[buttrfli42481]

Slightly triggered tonight gotta keep strong.

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Depression and its bogus treatment have been a part of my existence for over half a century.

I have noticed an improvement since I came here. I know your trying.
When ever you talk about the weather where you are it always sounds nice, do you go for walks and make yourself get out?

I talked my dad into going for walks, mostly because my mother really needs to try to walk, I went with them once and corrected my fathers walking stance as he had been looking down (something that older people adapt in a sense of worrying about falling) He looked years younger by walking upright with his shoulders back and eyes focused forward. I noticed that he felt so much better after walking in the fresh air and sunlight.

Try to continue to let the past go, keep thinking about today and tomarrow and remaining optimistic. You have a lot to offer. And I have truely enjoyed your sensitivity and quotes and interesting threads.

Open Eyes

[nicoleb2]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

(((((nicoleb2)))))

I know that feeling of getting into such a drone schedule. Try to make time for you to have a play time for yourself. I used to do that alot, I would take time outs and just go for a drive and stop at antique shops or consignment shops and just cruse on my own time. What are some of your interests that you used to have before you became a family drone? Honestly make time to do little things out of the norm for yourself. I even made a good friend in an antique shop and I just go there to chat with her. And we joke about how we often have been in a drone situation and all the little things we see that our significant others just miss.

Open Eyes

It's not so much that I am the family drone. I am just at a point where I can't feel anything. I have lost the ability to feel happy or sad or anything else. I just exist. I don't know if it's the new med i am taking or not. It coincides with when i started the new med though

[porcupine2]

Thank you so much for the gift, which means the world to me. Joe is looking down with a smile on his face

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by nicoleb2

It's not so much that I am the family drone. I am just at a point where I can't feel anything. I have lost the ability to feel happy or sad or anything else. I just exist. I don't know if it's the new med i am taking or not. It coincides with when i started the new med though

((((((nicoleb2)))))))
Oh, maybe you should talk to your pdoc about that, you could be onto something, maybe your new meds are just not helping. It is good that you have been tracking yourself.

Let us know how you make out. (((((Hugs nicoleb2))))))

Open Eyes

[Victom4ever]

dying..........

[Rose76]

Well, I don't feel any inclination to cry this morning. I must be better than yesterday morning. I'm finding it's quite a bit about deciding to do stuff that I would rather put off . . . becoming my own drill sergeant and knowing, as such, that I got a real backsliding recruit on my hands.

[Shadow-world]

Feeling overwhelmed now after having had a good week. Too many demands, too much to sort out, wanting to hide in bed.

[feary]

trying to figure out how I can get in shape with my disgusting stretch mark laden flabby ugly fat old saggy body since working out like mad and eating hardly anything doesn't work at all.