[fabuloussix]

dying is on my mind i can't take it anymore i want to run a way but where too

[WishingOnAStar]

I can't take much more...why can't anybody understand that I really can't take it anymore? PLEASE....I'm dying inside. Will you please say something that might help? Anything. Would you at least leave a hug? I am trying to hang on...please..............anything.......

[Star7]

Originally Posted by WishingOnAStar

I can't take much more...why can't anybody understand that I really can't take it anymore? PLEASE....I'm dying inside. Will you please say something that might help? Anything. Would you at least leave a hug? I am trying to hang on...please..............anything.......

Hug...hang on.

[Caretaker Leo]

Originally Posted by WishingOnAStar

I can't take much more...why can't anybody understand that I really can't take it anymore? PLEASE....I'm dying inside. Will you please say something that might help? Anything. Would you at least leave a hug? I am trying to hang on...please..............anything.......

Huge Hugs to you. I know the pain you feel. It probably sounds so trite and so common - but keep trying to find the light to guide you out of where you are now. Grasp on to any little thing that gives you even just a smidgeon of pleasure or happiness. It might be watching a bird, the sun come up, a scent in the air that reminds you of a place you like... Just don't give up. It took me many months to finally get out of my last black hole, but it can happen.

[Open Eyes]

((((((WishingonaStar))))))))

Oh dearest one, many hugs and sending all I can to say, hang on, make sure you talk to your therapist and keep talking, asking for help. I understand what is feels like to want a way out sooooo bad and struggle and even want to give up. But I can not say enough to keep asking for help with your therapist and pdoc. Maybe you need to change medications. Do not "ever" give up, and I know it can be a challenge, but I promise you, you "can" get better if you keep trying.

Looooots of BIG HUGS, BIGGER HUGS, BIG BEAR HUGS, LONG HUGS, AND REAL HEARTFELT HUGS.

Open Eyes

[Open Eyes]

((((((fabuloussix)))))))))

I hear you, welcome to PC, you are not alone in feeling this way. I hope you are making sure that you have a therapist and pdoc to work with you. You cant run from it, I know, I tried, doesn't work, it just follows. What you truely need to do is work through it with help, lots of help and others will tell you and truely understand that it is difficult but you can do it.

There are many here that understand and your definitely not alone. Take some time and reach out, get to know others, keep coming and make sure you get help and don't just sit and suffer. There is help and you have to keep asking.

Many hugs for you, I will keep you in my prayers,
Open Eyes

[buttrfli42481]

There really is light at the end of the tunnel. I saw it today.

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by fabuloussix

dying is on my mind i can't take it anymore i want to run a way but where too

Yes, "where to?" and, then, what would be there if you got there? You could go thousands of miles (I did.) and the sense of being overwhelmed awaits you everywhere. The sense that it is all too much may be just how it looks, surely with good reason. But, the dark force may be telling you lies . . . lies about how you can't stand up in the face of what is stressing you. Remember that the spirit of despair is a big old liar. It says you have no good options, and you never, ever will! It sounds so convincing because you are weary. Be skeptical of that lie.

[Shadow-world]

(((((WishingonaStar))))).

Please hang on.

Heartfelt hugs from us all!!!

[SadNJNY]

I'm ashamed of my life....every single aspect of it.
I despise this miserable, self-loathing & unlovable person that I've become.

[EdinNJ]

“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is today.”
- one those many really old Chinese proverbs

[Rose76]

To SadNYNJ above:

In a nutshell, that's what serious depression is all about. It's hard to think of anything worse than to feel that way.

Oddly enough, the really worst people running around are surprisingly unlikely to feel that way about themselves. Besides that, lots of the worst murdering cold-blooded gangsters seem to have had no trouble finding pals and devoted lovers. Maybe you're better than you think.

[SadNJNY]

Originally Posted by Rose76

To SadNYNJ above:

Oddly enough, the really worst people running around are surprisingly unlikely to feel that way about themselves. Besides that, lots of the worst murdering cold-blooded gangsters seem to have had no trouble finding pals and devoted lovers. Maybe you're better than you think.

I've often thought of that and have wondered why that happens so often in this world. I find difficulty in wrapping my mind around that.

All I've ever really been told by friends/family/lovers is that I'm not good enough - and far too many times that's come from people I had truly trusted.
Since it's been repeated to me so many times, I now believe that they're actually right: I'm simply not good enough nor am I worthy of sustained happiness.

[clouds_and_sun]

Depression hurts!

[Open Eyes]

(((((SadNJNY)))))
There is never going to be a short supply of people who are more than willing to say
others are "not good enough". And from what I have seen from you so far, your a nice person who has never truely been given the permission to just "BE" and "BE WHATEVER YOU ARE CAPABLE OF BEING".

But what does it really mean when others state you are not good enough? What it is really saying is that these other people are probably expecting too much of others to begin with. You have somehow allowed others to define you, and that my friend is a real presciption for depression and lack of a sense of self worth. And to be honest, a real "friend" is one who is willing to accept you for what you are and if you do disappoint them (people never fail to disappoint others) that "friend" can offer forgiveness, describe how you can improve the friendship by adding something or leaving something out and so on. And as far as "family" is concerned? Oh, have you been reading other posts and questions in PC? There is no such thing as a perfect family and most people here can quickly describe the disfuctional aspect of their families and how that has effected them, and I too am included in that. And "Lovers"? It sounds like the people you gave that identity to truely were not worthy of that identity. And you are in no way alone in mistaking that identity in someone you have tried to connect with on a romantic and spiritual and loving partnership.

I was standing in a line today waiting to prepay for gas and the line was about 10 people long. The man in front of me decided that he did not want to wait any more and walked away in a grumble. I was glad he left because he stunk so bad I was begining to feel nauseous. And I could hear other grumbling comments behind me and there was one man standing off to the side and I was not really sure he was in line until I asked him if he was in front of me and he shyly said yes and I replied, oh than please step in front of me, I would not want you to think I would want to somehow jump in front of you. And that man quietly smiled and moved in front of me. And the line was slow because the man that was trying to buy gas could not get a credit card to work, he probably was running out of credit and doing the best he could to buy some gas to get around. And when he finally completed the transaction his behavior was of a man pretending that it was really the fault of the card or something other than the real reason.

And as I stood there one thing popped into my head, "THE INSANITY OF HUMANITY".
No one in that line actually felt that that wait or process or service "WAS GOOD ENOUGH". Very few people want to wait, be patient, or simply have any true regard for anyone other than themselves and how "THEIR NEEDS ARE BEING MET".

And even with all that negetive input that constantly gets passed out by "HUMANITY" the worst enemy and critic someone can have is "THEMSELVES".
And you can sit there and quickly prove my point by saying "YOU BELIEVE ALL CRITISIM INCLUDING YOUR OWN ABOUT YOU AND YOU REALLY ARE UNWORTHY.

The "CURE" to relieving yourself from this personal bondage is "LEARNING HOW TO BECOME YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND TO YOU". And by doing that you must come to the agreement that you will no longer punish yourself and give up trying to "LEARN" how to do things and learn things that allow you to better your own personal abilities. You will be a "REAL FRIEND TO YOURSELF" and decide that you will give yourself permission to take this opportunity to "LIVE YOUR LIFE AS BEST AS YOU CAN AND BE FORGIVING OF YOURSELF FOR ANYTHING YOU MISTAKEN OR HAVE DIFFICULTY ACHIEVING AND YOU WILL JUST CONTINUE TO TRY AS YOU DESERVE TO GIVE YOURSELF THE OPPORTUNITY TO TRY".

I am in no way a perfect person SadNJNY, but everday I "TRY" and it is a challenge and I have to practice having a little "FAITH IN MYSELF". And I will continue to have no problem finding other human beings that will be more than willing to critisize me for any effort I make. However, because I do "TRY"? I have found a few people here and there that do take notice and actually encourage me to continue my journey.

Open Eyes

[Open Eyes]

There IS someone in here that sounded so much like you in my first few weeks here at PC. And I have seen that person work very hard to make an effort to become her "OWN BEST FRIEND". And I DO know that it was a challenging journey for her and she has been up and down and all around on her journey with struggling to "KEEP BEING HER OWN BEST FRIEND" and she has also been used and critisized by her own family.

I have to say that I am so glad that she decided to be "HER OWN BEST FRIEND" because of that she has presented some amazing informative and supportive confident posts to other struggling members here and I have to say I am very impressed. WOW and she has truely inspired me and I really hope that she continues to be "HER OWN BEST FRIEND" because she is the "BEST FRIEND SHE COULD HAVE, SHE IS CAPABLE OF REALLY HANGING IN THERE FOR HERSELF" and I do know it has been very difficult.

And who am I talking about? (((((((Rose76))))))), you go girl, I am impressed.

Open Eyes

[Open Eyes]

((((((clouds and sun)))))))))
Yes it does, make sure that even though you struggle, and I do know it is hard. "PLEASE BE GOOD TO YOURSELF".
Open Eyes

[Rose76]

Wow, gee whiz, I am really taken aback. That is so encouraging, Open Eyes. I have been climbing up a slippery slope (well, I use the term, "up," loosely.) and thinking no one could conceive of what it has felt like to be where I've been. That anyone should be so attentive as to figure that much out astonishes me.

I came here to say I have a job interview on Monday morning.

[Open Eyes]

Oh, Rose that is wonderful, good luck with that, another step forward.

And yes, I do know it is a slippery slope and you have had your bad days but you always try Rose. I know having someone recognize that is sooo helpful. Often we don't truely see our own progression and acts of "SELF FRIENDSHIP". And that is because we are taking such tiny steps sometimes and struggle to give ourselves credit for even the the tiniest steps.

I have described it as much like going to the shallow end of a pool with the steps and starting that very slow process of first just getting a toe wet and then maybe just putting a foot in and only doing that for a while and then up to the knees for a while and then the waste until one day you just decide to either dive or push off and slowly swim.

Open Eyes

[buttrfli42481]

Am I spreading myself too thin?

[porcupine2]

Yep, did it again. I've got a brand new laptop and I managed to screw it all up - now I have to take it in. Hooked up my old PC. Why do I have to mess with everything????

My mind is at peace.

[Rose76]

My job interview got re-rescheduled for 5 PM today, which makes me think this employer has some organizational issues, which reminds me of the saying: "In chaos there is opportunity." So that could be good for me. This is turning out to be a long day with too much time for dysfunctional anticipatory angst, the very thing that I excel at. Negative thinking is coming out of my ears.

[buttrfli42481]

Have I gotten myself in over my head?

[bronzeowl]

I really need to get on a better sleeping schedule.