[agma]

Why do I feel so crappy?????

[Rose76]

I'm afraid I might actually get hired by the place I went to yesterday. It completely intimidates me. (It would only be 8 hours/week for awhile. I guess that wouldn't kill me.) I am so very depressed and I feel so without hope.

[Rose76]

I have gotten so much more depressed in just the past hour, and it will go away like it has before is what I suppose will happen, and that cycle will keep on like it has for decades.

[mcspaz]

This pain is cyclical, I can't imagine what I will do when I'm utterly alone. I cannot stand the feeling that I do not want anything at all in this world for myself. I cannot shake this feeling. I want to curl up in a cabin in the woods somewhere on the outskirts of humanity and read forever.

[Rose76]

I have returned to being severely depressed like I have not had to endure since before July 21rst, which is creeping towards the intolerable zone, and the new pdoc I have is pretty much unavailable, not that I expect she could do anything about it.

[Mustkeepjob32]

Rose, is your increasing depression now related to the fact that you might get hired at that place? Is it at a job that you would like? Or would it at least bring money in? I don't know your situation, but maybe the job would offer a positive somehow.

Thinking of you...

[Unrigged64072835]

I really don't want to go on a bike ride...but I must go to get some exercise.

[Rose76]

The fear I felt when the supervisor walked me into the room that is the work site was just awful. It looked way more high pressure than I had imagined. I have a long history of experiencing extreme anxiety in new work environments, as in unfamiliar social settings. I wouldn't care whether I would like the job or not - only whether or not I could do it. This supervisor who would be training me was very difficult to be around, hard to talk to. The place is creepy. I had placed too much hope in it, so that is why the let down is hard. I have been fired from a number of jobs. There is no explaining the trauma of repeated rejection. I will end up homeless in the state of mind that I'm in. Maybe I have to accept that I may not succeed in avoiding that.

[buttrfli42481]

When will I ever learn to say NO?

[Warrioress]

What's on my mind today is this: Life sucks! People suck! The world sucks!

Yes, I am a little depressed!

[St406]

I am 47 and today is the first time I have ever posted. I'm tired of fighting the depression. I'm immobilized and must take each moment as it comes. Have to keep moving--get anything done is the goal. I'm going to a DBSA support group soon.

[Rose76]

I sure did follow a complicated path to end up not getting anywhere. "For someone who reads as many books as you do, you're the stupidest person I know. And you are basically a selfish person." That was my father's pronouncement upon me 30 years ago. I guess he saw the direction I was going in.

[Shadow-world]

Rose, I'm sorry you're feeling so bad about the job situation.
Is there actually anything that employers could do for you? I really don't know what the situation is i the US, but if you bring a note or statement from your doctor or therapist, are they required by law to make suitable adjustments?
Would you be okay about your future employer knowing about your issues so that it can be taken forward from there? - Just an idea...

[Unrigged64072835]

I sure hope this sleep thing works, because I'm tired of being tired!!

[Rose76]

Good idea. Wood work if I needed what the Law calls "reasonable accommodation." I can't expect them to make provisions for a threatening nervous breakdown. I appreciate the suggestion. If I just weren't so badly scarred by previous failure.

[nicoleb2]

I did it! I talked to my T about the suicidal thoughts I had on sunday, and the SI that i did. Worried about not sleeping again though because I am stopping one of my sleep meds.

[agma]

I don't want to go back to work tomorrow. At least my boss is gone at a conference all week.

[clouds_and_sun]

I am in a giddy mood, it feels good to smile.

[Caretaker Leo]

I try hard, but sometimes depression pushes me to respond or react in ways that aren't helpful to me or anyone else. Guess I'll just have to keep trying to overcome...

[Rose76]

I really wouldn't leave a dog in this state of mind. I can't get seen or get a call back. They say that I can go to Urgent Psych Care. I went there once. They have a nurse practitioner handle things there. Basically, she sends you home if you're not dangerous. I need some continuity of care from the same person.

[buttrfli42481]

What would happen if I told somebody "no"?

[porcupine2]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I really wouldn't leave a dog in this state of mind. I can't get seen or get a call back. They say that I can go to Urgent Psych Care. I went there once. They have a nurse practitioner handle things there. Basically, she sends you home if you're not dangerous. I need some continuity of care from the same person.

It is shameful that mental illness is considered so black and white. I had the same experience. If you are not in danger to yourself or others, they just send you along your way. Even the crisis lines - if you're not suicidal then they go on to the next call. That's why these forums are so important, but it would be nice to be able to talk to someone face to face.

[LacunaCoiler]

I need to stop hearing things... it's making me paranoid

[AlwaysTheir]

Hiding, you can't hide for ever!

[Rose76]

Porcupine, this is the only branch of medicine where there is little concept of "preventive care." Instead you get left to deteriorate, and if you become enough of a mess, they you can get help.

In 2005, I self-harmed after becoming hysterical, due a breakdown after some abusive treatment I received. Also, I had been drinking to try and stop anxiety, which was extreme. I am neither a "cutter," nor an alcoholic. I was just crazy and not knowing how else to show that I was unable to cope with the stress. In 2004, I was getting good outpatient care, and then the care got reduced to an inadequate level. In 2005, when I got really crazy, I ended up losing my job. I ended up living in a shelter for 3 months.