[Orchid]

I recently lost my mother. I hear it helps to talk about it but there is not much to say. She died of cancer and had suffered a long while. Now she is gone and I feel empty and alone without her. It was a very traumatic thing to watch her die slowly and lose more and more of herself until she breathed her last breath. That was it-my mother is gone forever. I miss her more than I can say.

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"Man's mind stretched to a new idea
never goes back to its original dimensions."
Oliver Wendell Holmes

[Peanut61]

Hi Orchid, and WELCOME to the forum. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mom as well, and the grief can seem very overwhelming...

All sorts of emotions come into play while grieving, sometimes all at once, so please go easy on yourself = slogging thru this process is not easy and you deserve all of the support and understanding that you can get (and give yourself) right now.

I hope you will keep posting, so that we can try to be a touchstone for you. The holidays can be especially difficult after a major loss like you've had, so having a place to be able to express yourself where you don't feel like you have to 'keep up a strong front' is very helpful.

Very warm regards, Peanut PS: Here is a grief site with a 24 hour chat room (where there are usually always people chatting = even at night and early morning) that I went to a lot after losing my friend for whom I was primary caregiver 2 years ago that you may want to check out also: <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.groww.com>http://www.groww.com</A>

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

[soscared]

Hi and welcome to thi web site, I am very sorry to hear about your loss , it is not something you can just get over.
My stepmom and her sister are both on the verge of dying also from smoking related causes. I live very far awawy from them so it is real hard, just waiting for that call. I wish I could be there fro them, but there is no way I can. It is such a helpless feeling.And you probably felt very helpless also when there is nothing you can do.
Keep posting here, I am a new user also but have found that te people here are great.
Take Care

[Duchess]

My Heart goes out to you in so many ways~XoXo~
I'm so sorry for your loss.Welcome to our forum,this has become my new home for recovery whitch I have to say everyone is so nice and understanding...this is a site I searched for & finally came about, I hope you keep posting. I lost a GOOD friend of mine 2yrs ago too. which doesn't compare to a mother figure, but I can understand some of your suffering. He also took his very last breaths in front of me and it is something that will stay very vivid in my thoughts forever. I hold him very dear too my heart b/c it has taught me sooo much. everyone grieves diffrently and no one can replace your mother. but remmber God has such a special ANGEL with him now.you need to remmber all of those special moments you shared together and Remmber how much she loved you. You will see her once again when you are reunited in heaven. for now she walks beside you, even though you can not see her. she is there..
I GUIDE YOU IN THE WAY OF WISDOM AND LEAD YOU ALONG STRAIGHT PATHS. WHEN YOU WALK,YOUR STEPS WILL NOT BE HAMPERED;WHEN YOU RUN, YOU WILL NOT STUMBLE.
-PROVERBS 4:11-12

Sorrow can cause us to doubt God's plan. The psalmist cried,"Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has his promise failed for all time? Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has he in anger withheld his compassion?
(Psalm77:8-9) Though we may face trouble and difficulties,sadnessand pain, God is still in control,and he is always with us...........
Hope to hear from you ! your friend
Duchess

[Fuzzybear]

Hi Orchid, and welcome to the forum. I am very sorry for your loss. My mother also died of cancer, and I can relate to what you have written, although it is so hard to express fully the pain of loss and the emptiness ... My thoughts are with you, and I will look out for your posts ...

Please take care,
Fuzzy

[heatherm]

{{{{{{{{{Orchid}}}}}}}}}}}

Welcome to the forums here hun. I know how hard it is to see your Mom suffer too...I lost mine a year ago Christmas and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss her. That is normal for you ok? Keep posting to us here and talk about her as much as you want. You can talk about whatever is on your mind and we are all here for you.

You have found a wonderful group....take care.


Heather

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life - it goes on."
~~Robert Frost

[johnx80]

Im sorry to hear that you lost your mother. I was raised by my grandmother and she too died slowly of cancer. that was a long time ago and the pain heals over time. no, you never forget your loved one but you try to begin remembering the good times you had with her and the things that made her special. please continue to post here. you have many friends here.

hi

[Orchid]

Thank you all so much for your concern and words about my mom's passing. She was a strong woman to the bitter end. The end was pretty bitter, too. Besides losing her functions she also became extremely confused and hallucinated too. It was so hard to watch her go through this. Some times I wonder why time is like it is. I knew she was going to die but did not want to believe it. You never want your mom to leave you, do you? But cancer took her away and it's a horrible way to go from what I saw. I wish cancer never came into out lives and cancer even makes me mad that it did what it did to her. I never knew how bad cancer really was until I saw my mom slowly agonizingly die of it. It's hard to get those memories out of my head. I have been literally sick with dry heaves, panic attacks, depression.

Yes, time heals and it takes time. Thanks for your welcome and listening to me and my heartfelt thoughts. I have fond memories of my mom from the holidays and Christmas when she always made sure we had a great day. She made all of our clothes when we were children. There is so much of her love I remember. I miss her so much and tears are streaming now but that's part of grief, I know.

Thank you all again. God bless you.

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"Man's mind stretched to a new idea
never goes back to its original dimensions."
Oliver Wendell Holmes