Is forgiveness REALLY possible?

I hear all the time about how your supposed to forgive and let go and let things roll off your shoulders. Easier said than done, but HOW can I do it? I was molested when I was little (age 9-10). Only one person in my family knows. I guess I never told them because I don't want it to be a bad reflection on me and I don't see any need in putting my pain on someone else--namely my parents. But anyways I struggle with very low-self esteem and (obviously because I'm here) depression. So HOW do I forgive, How do I let it go? I also have issues with thinking people don't want me around--that I have a habit of clinging to people. I have a hard time defining the line between clingingness and being withdrawn. Anyways I guess that's a thread for a later date...much love to everyone

It takes time to let go. I was molested from ages 10-14, & I held so much bitterness inside of me. Holding onto that was only holding me back & hurting me not him. You'll know when you have trully forgiven when you're no longer angry when you think about it. You'll get there, but talking about it really does help.

These are things you could work on in therapy - you're right, just going around telling people or blaming people doesn't change how you feel or react, or resolve things.

Ruckus I understand how you are feeling. I know I need to forgive for me, but just don't understand how I can do that. There has been abuse in my childhood and I don't know how to let it go. I have a very low self esteem too and am either very anti-social with people or very clingy! I hope things get better for you and you find help to help you forgive.

Hello, ruckus940. I believe forgiveness really helped me with the anger, resentment and bitterness that had owned my life. Forgiveness is an ongoing process.

I realize many have trouble with the concept of forgiveness. Maybe compassion?

Can Compassion Transcend Forgiveness? http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...iveness?page=2

Hi ruckus940,
In my own experience there was no way I could "force" forgiveness. I spent too long saying it was "fine," and I was "fine." So I had to have room to be really, really angry. What I have found helpful in my own recovery is therapy, ACoA: adultchildren.org (for family dysfunction, not only alcoholism) and medication. I have moved into a place of acceptance now, but it took me a long time. What I have had to do over time is focus on myself and realize I have no power over other people.
Sending supportive thoughts your way...
Elana

((((((((ruckus))))))))))
I know forgiveness is very hard, just recently I forgave my mother, I know that she is not speaking to me and his disowned me (this makes the third time) but in my heart I just forgave her, I wrote her a letter and mailed it. It was kind of like a final letter to her, but it said basically that i forgive her. However, I don't forgive my father for not allowing me to move home when I was homeless 2.5 years ago, I feel in my heart in time I will learn to forgive him. I hope that all works out for you my friend. Please keep us all updated.

FORGIVENESS is never going to happen with me an my late father, he detatched himself from me an my problem,s an treated me like a retard ,this when he a depressive himself.Every question i asked about my mental state was met with silence, every time i was in trouble was met with silence , like he wished i would dissapear an not ask question,s . He started when really old, to accuse me of stealing from him, and all this while my wife washed his cloths ,cooked him meal.s ect ect. He went in a retierment home for his last 2 years an never once asked to see me , my sisters yes, but me not once even when dieing. There is no way i will ever forgive a father like him, who in truth abondoned me mentally an phsyically most of my life , because he couldent face up to his own illness , so he damaged me instead.

Time is the best healer and for forgiveness. It takes time to heal yourself, and to forgive yourself and the one who did that to you. Your question of how to forgive is one I wish to give back to you.... How do you forgive someone who has lied to you? Think of it very simply is the best way to learn. You will know when you have forgiven yourself and the molester. Take life day by day and see where it takes you. With time all things can be healed if you let them.

Forgiveness, that's a tough one! I had to realized no one has an instruction book on life and how to behave without hurting other people deeply. Hanging on to MY anger was not good for ME so I don't know that I really forgave, I just got the anger out of me so I would not self destruct!