[lenjan]

I had elbow surgery Nov. 11, and I worked at home for a couple of weeks after that, but wound up in the hospital for 5 weeks starting Dec. 5 (illness unrelated to the surgery). I probably won't be able to go back to work till mid-summer.

I receive the paper I now USED to work for, because that way it guaranteed I always had a copy of my own stuff. Since I've been out, they've been using freelancers to get things covered.

Realistically, I knew that they were probably in the process of hiring someone permanently, but as the weeks passed and they kept using freelancers, I started thinking that maybe, just maybe, they would wait for me to come back. They've told me repeatedly that they'll hire me back as soon as I'm ready to go back to work, and I guess I let my mind get away with me.

The paper came today, and there was a new name, with "staff writer" instead of "correspondent" under it ..... meaning I've officially been replaced. I came to love the community I covered, and I made a lot of friends there, and now it's permanently gone from me.

I don't know why I set myself up to think they'd let me come back to the same place. I don't know why I let myself get my expectations up. But I'm sad as hell and I don't know what to do with it. I don't think they need any freelance help. I tried my former job, and they don't need any freelance help. I have nothing now -- I'm reduced to being my mental and physical illness diagnoses. That's all anybody sees of me anymore. I hate it. I hate not being able to be productive. I hate not having an identity besides "chronically ill person."

I'm just so sad.

Candy

[dottie]

Hi Candybear. I can imagine how devastated you were upon reading your paper. Maybe a better job awaits you in the future. LIFE is like that sometimes.

Sorry you were lied to about your job being there for you when you became better. Unfortunately, PEOPLE are like that too.

I will keep you in my prayers...and ask a higher power to come to your rescue, now and in the future...because then you may begin to experience things anew.

Take good care, as I am lighting a candle for you.

[Overcastbutclearing]

Candybear.....
Although we sometimes get stuck in our healing process LIFE does still go on.
I say this because maybe if you took a minute to realize that the paper still had to run and have articles then maybe you wouldn't feel useless.
I don't think you are useless. Maybe this is just a small sign that in your attempt to be a healthier you there are more things out there that you will do??
I don't have the answers...but I wish you were not hurting and I hope you know I care.

[Lexicon78]

You are not useless at all. So what, you have a few diagnoses. Who doesn't? My point is that you don't need that job, you can do better than that! I know you love the community, but I'm sure there's something out there waiting for you!

Maybe this was fate that this part of your life ended...now you can start anew. I'm not saying that this will be easy by any means, I just think that this is your chance!

[(JD)]

I'm fully aware of how you are feeling... please don't linger there too long... if you can help it. Your community is still there...they don't forget you. Plus, you can write as a correspondent as you are able. My old hometown newspaper print my letters whenever I write!

Life changes. It changes us and what we do. We have been forced into a different lifestyle, you and me...and others. No, we didn't select it. I'm having a doost of a time figuring my role in life now... I hope you can find one for yourself. TC ((candy)) you aren't "useless" you just haven't found what to do now.

[PetulantWolf]

have you ;looked into the family leave law?

[lenjan]

Yeah, it's 4 unpaid months. I've been out since Nov. 11, which is coming up on 3 months. And I wasn't eligible for it anyway, according to company rules, which state you have to be there a year to be eligible -- I started in Jan. 2005.

[(JD)]

wow I didn't realize it was based upon company rules, rather than federal.... too much for one person to deal with... can you find someone who knows resources who will assist you? But what about disability?

[lenjan]

To get disability you have to be able to prove you will either be disabled for 12 months (not likely, in my case) or dead in 12 months (I sure's heck hope not!!!!). I fit neither category, so I'm S.O.L. there. I might get SSI, which is income based -- given that I have none, I should be a shoo-in. But it takes months for a determination.

[(JD)]

Then isn't that a good thing, that you won't be disabled for 9 more months? Yes, the determination takes a lawyer often, but it's retroactive TO WHEN YOU FIRST Applied! So don't delay... do it do it do it!

Hospitals often have free social workers who you can use for resources... they should know the laws, etc or someone who does and will help.

[Rhapsody]

Dear CandyBear,

No one is use less.... no NOT one!

YOU have a GIFT that lies with in your own imagination..... seek it and it shall show its self to you when you are ready.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Azalysa]

{{{{{CandyBear}}}}}

I agree with Lexicon:
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
My point is that you don't need that job, you can do better than that! I know you love the community, but I'm sure there's something out there waiting for you!

Maybe this was fate that this part of your life ended...now you can start anew. I'm not saying that this will be easy by any means, I just think that this is your chance!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I don't mean in any way to promote a "quick fix" but I've heard that expression most of my life: "When God closes a door He opens a window."

I've made myself almost sick knowing my Short Term Disability leave is almost up and I really don't want to return to the place I was working (that likely contributed to this recent episode). I want to somehow get back into counseling and get my license.

To my complete surprise, when I had an appt. with my T. recently, she said there was an organization she could get me into whenever I liked - the pay is not much but it has benefits and would allow me to continue my needed hours for licensure.

I said all that to say we never know what the next day will bring.

And "useless?" BAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Warm thoughts!!