[desirae]

I'm not exactly sure what to do anymore. I've been in this intense low for the past few days. I've just been feeling so sad, overwhelmed, and of course the hatting myself that normally comes along with it.

I convinced myself that like any other time I become depressed time is all I need. Which is actually my only alternative since I'm not insured. I haven't had enough time to get better yet, I still have sometime before I become concerned.

I've noticed when I get into this state of down.....or "the system of the down"......my husband begins to become a huge jerk. Maybe he acts like that all the time, and I only notice when I'm depressed. Whatever it is I'm so sick of his selfishness. He is the second most selfish person I know.

I feel so unappreciated. I do everything for him......I mean everything, not an exaggeration.

He can't even extend himself for me, comfort me, unsure me I'm not to stupid to go to college. I deserve support.......I support him all the time, when he comes home whining and crying about work.

I don't know......I'm in the extreme lonely stage. I feel so alone. I feel like my world is a waiting disaster. I regret going to college......I know I'll never be able to do it. It's to complex for a dumb girl like me.

Anyway......enough complaining. I'll already dismiss myself with my husbands infamous saying..."Get over it", and go on with my life.

Desirae

[DaveyJones]

Desirae,

You are NOT dumb. You are under a lot of stress, but you are NOT dumb.

I feel so sorry for you...I know how hard it is when you're feeling so down and the person you have trusted your whole life to tells you to "get over it". grrrrr.

I don't know what kind of resources that you have in your area, but I would encourage you to find a support group for depression. I attend one at my local NAMI chapter, and it has been very helpful to me. Also, I see participants bringing their spouses quite often, so that they may better understand what their loved one is going through. So I suggest you check and see if you have either NAMI (at nami.org) or DBSA (www.DBSAlliance.org) chapters in your area. Everything is free and confidential, and I have found it to be the best way there is to keep my recovery going. I can't recommend it strongly enough.

Hugs, ((((((((((((((((((((DW))))))))))))))))))))

DJ

[Hopefull]

I got free counseling through my university. You might check to see if your college offers any kind of counseling. My county has a place connected with 211 that offers 6 to 8 sessions with a master's degree. Since the person is volunteering his/her time, I do not know how experienced the person is. Some people also get help through their county's mental health facility. I am not sure how that works. But, I would suggest talking to human services. Other people in this forum can tell you more because they have used those services. You might try talking to your local clergy. There might be a pastor who is trained in professional counseling who might could help some.
As for "get over it", you don't just get over those kinds of thoughts. You tend to need help. I know I needed help. I hope you find some help.

You are not dumb!

Your husband saying " get over it" so you can serve him is terribly selfish. If you live with a person that is always saying negative things about you, this will surely not help you out. And If you don't live in a good environment it will also have an impact on your depression.

You need someone to talk too, maybe you can find someone at college and we are here for you.

((((((((((((Desirae))))))))))))

Hold on tight!

[Lexicon78]

I'm sorry to hear that your husband is such a jerk. He sounds very insensitive and just really rude. You are certainly not dumb in any way. You're under a lot of pressure.

Hang in there.

[Azalysa]

Hi, Desirae!

This may be what some of the other posters were referring to: when I was getting my grad degree in mental health counseling, at the end of the 4-5 year program we did a counseling internship. It was offered free of charge to the community, with the understanding that the counselors would be grad students competing their course of study.

A closed circuit T.V. was in each room with us, so our professors could watch and hear us during the sessions. He/she also could speak to us through an earphone I wore. All of this was explained to our clients.

It was a very enlightening program, for all participants. If there is a major university or even mid-size college in your area, you might look into that.