Daily Check In - Ups and Downs

divorced, single, fat, ugly, no friends, no job, no help, no money, no life, only half custody, kids have break right now so with me for 2 weeks straight but i am extremely exhausted for no reason and i have no energy but keep hoping and hoping, and trying and trying doing and doing because i have the best kids in the world ....

but i feel the worst- so hard to fight this constantly

I had a really good weekend - in fact, I've felt really happy and well amazingly after the previous days had not been very good. I'm very grateful for that!

(((feary)))
Family Day today, hubby is actually chilling too which is new for him, he always has other things he should be doing so I am really liking this.
Hope you all have a great day today,
Hugz
Nams

Struggling today...

Pdoc started me on ambien to help me sleep but I still woke up twice last night. Today at work was very busy and very boring....spent the hole day stuffing envelopes. Starting to feel anxious and I don't know why. Probably because I can't stop thinking about all the stuff I have to do at work. How do I get my mind off it??? Good thing I see t tomorrow.

Very depressed.

Very mixed day! Started out not wanting to get out of bed and then felt so happy and then sad all evening. I think my meds wear off too fast

Chkin in sending hugs to all of you (((every1))) hope you all have a great day.
Nams

Laundry day. Oh joy !

I'm sooo tired! I don't know why I'm like this all the time. Is it the meds I take to sleep at night. I do get about 7 hours sleep! Does anyone think it's the meds?

Thanks!

Full blown emotional blunting, which is probably a good thing right now. Talked to great potential new T, who has no openings, but hopefully will soon. She made me happy.
Have to get through final chat with old T in the morning.
Wish I could motivate to exercise, make dinner, do laundry, or clean.

Hanging in there but struggling with anxiety.

Asserted myself. Hoping it doesn't backfire. "Assertive" in men seems to always be seen as good; when women assert themselves they tend to be labeled as aggressive or b*tches.

It never gets easier just more difficult no matter what I try. How much can one person take. Don't want to say what but what happened today is too much.

Why does everything seem to be trying to tell me that life with my abusive, alcoholic, drug addict (now reformed, supposedly) ex was and could have been much better than what is happening to us (my kids and I) now and whatever will happen.

I'm so disappointed in myself the way I allowed my life to turn out and for robbing my children of a normal family life.

And on a side note, why can't I lose a single pound even after all I try so I can at least START consider letting myself be attractive enough to date. I have gained so much weight and I look and feel awful. There is no hope or potentials for me meeting someone in person so I would have to start online dating and I need to look good for that- I could not take the rejection of them seeing me as fat and ugly so I joined a gym and work out a lot every day and have been controlling my eating and everything but it seems like it will be an eternity before I lose any weight at all. I haven't seen any results at all and I don't get it. *sigh* so many things going wrong for me.

Sorry for the self-pity rant but I have no one in my life and no friends or anyone to talk to, can't afford a therapist so this board is all I have...I apologize again...

anyway, all the best to everyone. hugs to all.

I feel like I'm on a roller coaster today! I was up this morning and really down at lunch. I called a very dear friend of 33 years and talked to her and that really helped! I have found that reaching out is really a good way to get through the dips in my life. I don't know what I'd do without friends. I'm there for them also so I want to make sure I keep a balanced relationship with friends and family!!!

Been a stressful day today.............lots of pain, too much to do, not enough hrs to do it all especially with the last minute orders, customers all expecting discounts/donations for no reason other than they know my husband, still not getting a pay cheque yet myself as it is. Really not liking people right now. Thank goodness I have this place or I may just end up blowing my stack...I can drive a backhoe and have lots of farms they'd never find the bodies lol.
Feel better now that I've said that lol

Huge Hugz
Nams

I have mixed feeling part of me says screw it and the other part of me is saying you got to fight.

My brain feels like it is stuffed with cotton and my head feels heavy. Am so tired but can't get a good night's sleep consistently...

Been an okay day. I volunteer with cats on Wednesdays, and I got some extra time with them! That made me very happy. Also learned that my school offers free counseling to students, so I'll be checking that out.

Ambien didn't work very well last night...slept like crap and woke up depressed. I am really starting to realize that how I sleep at night greatly affects my morning mood. Hopefully work goes ok today. I have been stressed because I am getting so far behind. T wants me to talk to my supervisor about the lack of communication between us. It is going to be hard but I think I am going to try to do that tomorrow.

Chkin in Feeling OK today seem to be on an upswing. Thank goodness. Have a great day all
HugZ
Nams

So all alone, so lonely.

Survived another day in retail. Meh.

(((feary))) and MotherMarcus I'm with you retail sux sometimes eh. The customer is always right my ***** lol some of them deserve my right....hook that is lol
Had a really good day, spent the day watching reruns of "What would you Do" on UTube love watching those, it can show such good in people...hope to goodness I would do the right thing in some of those situations with out fear.

Huggies all have a wonderful night,
Nams

From the moment I opened the first email at work today, my day went downhill.
Anyone else ever feel as though they just wanted to walk out and never come back?