Daily Check In - Ups and Downs

Nervous about session with new t this morning (will be my group t when group starts). Then off to work where stress is high and I'm really far behind . I go on-call today for a week. I HATE being oncall. Hopefully it will be a quiet weekend with the oncall phone.

Still on an upswing, I sooooo hope it lasts this time. Gotta a new baby cousin on the way today, her labor started about 2hrs ago so that's a huge positive to spend my day on. Get to go see them next weekend too.

Hope you all have a good day today
Hugz
Nams

When you wake up and realize that you have been stuck for 3 years, SUCKS BALLS!!! I have just wasted 3 years of my life.

Got my morning wake-up slurp from the dog.

Thankfully it was a quiet oncall weekend - nothing too major. My mood on the otherhand wasn't so good. It took everything in me last night not to do something destructive. My poor h didn't know what to do. He tried talking to me but I couldn't talk. The urge to injure was so bad but I didn't because he was home. Hopefully today will be better.

Was a good weekend...no internet on & off due to weather hate living in the boonies, Sometimes.
Have a good day all
Nams

Good day again to day. Seems this upswing is continuing Frame of mind is in a good place a good part of it was finally realizing I am a good Mom, Person, that I just had a really bad patch for a cple years(hoping) I haven't damaged my kids for life they Love me and think I am "pretty darn awesome" according to my two youngest (8 & 5) lol
Hope you all had a good day too.
Nams

my life is happiness lodged within dense walls of sadness...and I can no longer breathe...

Sorry that I have not been online in a while, a lot has been happening to me, I am hurting so badly.

extra little ((((clouds_and_sun & feary)))) for both of you. Sending positive energies your way.

Nams

I am trying to learn to feel happiness again. I have corrected my diet, I exercise when I can, and I grant myself a hot bath when stressed. I listen to humor as often as I can to help myself laugh. I just got a new job, and am in training. One step at a time.

Longing for love and to be with somebody...

My mom keeps telling me how I hurt my grandma's feelings because I didn't want to go to the mall with her. I believe her. I probably did hurt her feelings. I didn't mean to though. I just hate going to the mall with a lot of people. I rather just stay home. I feel extremely horrible and guilty. I don't know what to do with myself anymore?...

Today I feel awful. I'm a total burden on my family...No job, I'm almost 20 years old, barely any social life...I don't help anyone. Today on the way to my doc, I just about drove off the road a couple of times. I know these feelings pass, but when they come, it's so horrible...The pain is unbearable...I can't even talk to my family about it.
On the upside, my doctor raised my medication dosage. We're going to see how it works out...I wish I didn't have to subject my family to this. Dammit, I can't even think straight...I need to lie down.

Hmmm....don't know yet.

Checking in and feeling lousy today. It's sunny outside and unseasonably warm, and I know I should feel awesome. Spring is in the air. But I don't feel hopeful or awesome, I feel sad and scared and there is no reason. A possible reason could be that I have depression, actually bipolar disorder according to my health care professional, which I still question. I'm on meds, I sleep, try to eat right, walk my dog briskly, keep busy, work, have a wonderful son and husband, but I'm so sad that I can hardly breathe. You know, that feeling that just slams into you from nowhere? I don't know if anyone can understand that. So what to do about it today? I read the blogs, how to beat your depression and not give in, and it's crap. It does not work. This is physical and debilitating and scary. But, I will now get dressed and go to work for a while and cry in the car and not talk to anyone and probably do something self-destructive later. Bad day.

Feeling slightly better today. Still kind of "meh," but better. Don't want to kill myself or anything like that.

Not bad today. Weather has been nice but it usually happens when I'm working.

I made many mistakes at work today. I am feeling a bit dumb because of the mistakes, but my coworkers are very nice about it.

It's been an ok day. I walked a mile and did the dishes after getting home for work. That is the most productive I've been in a long time, and I didn't cut today!

So far, it's a good day. I feel very cheery, but I need to get out of the house soon. Unfortunately, my anxiety is taking over where my depression left off, and I'm scared of leaving. o__o OH HOW PATHETIC I AM!

But I feel a lot better.

The day is off to a bad start. I had a dream that sparked a lot of anger, anxiety, and depression. It was a dream in which I saw some of the people that I went to PA school with (I had to drop out of PA school due to mental health issues). Whenever I think of school, I feel like a failure because I didn't finish. That leads to me thinking all kinds of negative thoughts about myself .

Hello, I am new and am not sure if I should be doing a check in yet as I have not given my story to the board. But I feel terrible. I've felt like this for a month now, am recently reaching out to my mom about wanting to get a therapist again and get treatment, but I have no insurance, no car, and really no means for support on doing that. I'm stuck.

Meh. Another nickle after taxes.