Too many things on top of each other, I think. I'm shaken and stirred - partly by things that came up at the psychology assessment, partly by other stuff. I don't understand all of the things I am feeling. There are so many thoughts going on that it is hard to challenge all of them at once - anyone else had that? Memories of past hurts - things I should have put behind me long ago but can't. The realisations of my skewed thinkings. One of the things that was hardest today was constantly having to try to explain my actions - and the answer so often came back as "Because I am not good enough". And that's the thing - I know I am caught in the "not good enough" cycle and I can't seem to get out of it. Every now and again I come across a situation which reinforces that, and it undoes any good work and steps forward I have previously achieved. Like the session today with the social worker - I now feel that I am not doing enough to recover, even though many people have said I am trying as hard as I can. I feel like wearing a sign that says, "There's no point in trying to make me feel bad - I can do it well enough by myself."

That was this evening's dose of self pity. Sorry. I just feel really really low tonight.

Dear Caroline,

We heal at our own pace. Nobody can't tell how much you are putting in getting better. Nobody has live your life but you.

I have read your post lately and I think you are trying very hard. Of course sometime you will get down or triggered. We all do that even people without a mental illness will sometime get discourage and hopeless. Life is tough. The main thing is to get back on our feet and keep going.

(((((((((((((((((Caroline))))))))))))))

[Lexicon78]

Caroline, I've been in your place too many times! Usually it's at night when I feel like I'm not good enough.

Try to hang in there and stay safe. I'll be thinking of you.

Thank you so much, time0.

I think I am partly suffering from being overtired right now. Time to get to bed, I suspect.

(((((Time0)))))

Yes, Lexicon, I think it being night time is part of how I am feeling right now. Thinking about it, I had a really bad night last night too.

At least next week I should get some idea of what treatment they will offer me. That will relieve some of the anxiety.

And I did manage to set up one of the things suggested to help me; I've arranged with my husband that we will go out for a meal together at least once a month, starting this Saturday. It's something we have stopped doing, but now the girls are old enough to be left we are going to start doing it again.

Thank you.

[kimmydawn]

(((((((caroline))))))))

one appt. at a time, and one day at a time. much easier said than done in the moment, huh? however, you've gone through so much to now know that those moments continue to pass and you find you've made it!

you do so well.

kd

Thank you, kimmydawn. The reassurance is much needed right now.

[pegasus]

Caroline,

You have been through such a lot recently. Especially today!

Remember that I said to give yourself a big pat on the back!
YES you really do deserve it!

You have just had the equivalent of loads of therapy all squashed into a few days!

Congratulate yourself- your doing really well.!

Big hugs for you!

Thank you Pegasus.

Working at accepting the praise. I appreciate it.

[SongBirdandDaisy]

Hi Caroline,
You amaze me! You're going through all these things in your own life and yet you can find a way to help other people - like me. Please be patient with yourself, you're patient with us, and loving.
Anne

Thank you Anne.

You are very kind.