[continuosly blue]

Is there anyone out there that can ? I've had this demon all my life.
I've been on anti-depressants about 80% of the time.
There has been times where I thought I could get rid of it
using willpower alone. I thought I could cure myself. It was like trying to operate on myself. Successful for short periods of time but it always
came back.I've on so many meds , ( I'm also a chronic pain patient ) ,
that I think I've been totally rewired. I'm not me anymore. I've been
changed into a drug ( all prescriptions ) dependent nothing !
No willpower here.

Continuosly blue
( cb ) for short

[Rohag]

Hello, CB! I only manage depression; I have not been successful in overcoming it. One reason is that I experience depression largely as a disease of the "will." My "will" works at best only sporadically, and when it does I find it nearly impossible to direct it effectively.

That's my situation. In contrast, I have encountered people here and elsewhere who testify they have succeeded in overcoming depression by willpower, either alone or in combination with talk therapy and medications. That's wonderful. I'm glad they've succeeded. Unfortunately, their story is not my story.

I've had this demon all my life.

CB, have you had a time in your life when depression played a more subdued role?

[Asiablue]

I am wondering the exact same thing CB. Trying to overcome it on my own, hoping my brain re-wires to stop the depression... i'm not too successful so far.

Originally Posted by continuosly blue

Is there anyone out there that can ? I've had this demon all my life.
I've been on anti-depressants about 80% of the time.
There has been times where I thought I could get rid of it
using willpower alone. I thought I could cure myself. It was like trying to operate on myself. Successful for short periods of time but it always
came back.I've on so many meds , ( I'm also a chronic pain patient ) ,
that I think I've been totally rewired. I'm not me anymore. I've been
changed into a drug ( all prescriptions ) dependent nothing !
No willpower here.

Continuosly blue
( cb ) for short

oh yes ...the demon of depression!

in-escapable...permanent...turning colours black!!!

yeh I know it!...it kills people...it's killing people right now!...thats real.
it's real!...it's been after me...it's not me...it's a force pushing me though....all the time.
yes it's real

and it's important to acknowledge this!....

and.....you are lost in the maze of pills!...thats what you say.

and yet you know you said that!!

you know better!...I knew better!..I am alive and continue living.
so will you also stay alive and continue living.

I tell you now that death is not worth the confusion that it costs your life!!

[Rose76]

Sometimes I can "will" my way out of it. Seldom, actually, but I have had the experience and it can feel great. I'm trying to do that now.

I'm not finding a "toe-hold" though to push off from. It seems to take that. I just posted all about my blues. Now, if I stop the self-preoccupation and look at others with trouble, maybe that will stop me sitting here feeling sorry for myself.

I'm sorry, Continuously Blue, that you have chronic pain along with chronic depression. I would think that one feeds into the other and that must be truly hard.

Your analogy about overcoming depression through willpower being like "trying to operate" on yourself struck mean as very apt. I totally get that. We can tend to our cut fingers and, with the good hand, we can put a bandage on the injured hand. I've seen in movies where elite military personnel are able, thanks to training, to suture their own wounds. Maybe - stuck on a desert island with a bad laceration and some thread and a needle - you and I might even be capable of that. I wonder???

There has to be motivation, though. Getting that might be the problem. Maybe we feel we have nothing to look forward to. Or maybe where we are at doesn't feel so horrendously awful that we would do just about anything to get somewhere else. Like - I can't seem to get out my apartment door. But if the place went on fire, I'm sure I would manage to get out that door.

Sorry, if this is not very helpful. Mainly, I just want to say I understand that, at times, you probably just can't pull yourself up by your own bootstraps.

Wish they would invent a will pill.

[DenisDonnacha]

I have to agree with Rohag, I can control it, but have never overcome it. I don't take anti-depressants. I try to eat a balanced diet and take foods that help with mood and chemical balances. This and will power have at least made it that depression does not overwhelm me, and there have been times when I have not had any depression at all, unfortunately this hasn't lasted long term... yet. tbh I'm afraid of anti-depressants because I've witnessed people have nasty side effects from them and I don't want to be dependent on medication for anything in my life.

[BuggsBunny]

Originally Posted by continuosly blue

Is there anyone out there that can ? I've had this demon all my life.
I've been on anti-depressants about 80% of the time.
There has been times where I thought I could get rid of it
using willpower alone. I thought I could cure myself. It was like trying to operate on myself. Successful for short periods of time but it always
came back.I've on so many meds , ( I'm also a chronic pain patient ) ,
that I think I've been totally rewired. I'm not me anymore. I've been
changed into a drug ( all prescriptions ) dependent nothing !
No willpower here.

Continuosly blue
( cb ) for short

You really hit a chord with me on this one, as I am also a chronic pain patient, and have been on psych meds since I was 18. I sometimes feel like I've become nothing but a walking pharmacy. I have to remind myself that this is all necessary to keep me on my feet and functioning at relative normal. I've tried will power, and found that I have a great deal of strength in me, but when the moods swing (I'm bipolar) and the craziness begins, even that strength is not enough.

You think you have no willpower. Did it occur to you that you probably have a great deal of willpower, just to get up and face the day? There are a lot of people who couldn't deal with both the chronic pain and the chronic depression. You are strong enough that you are doing it both, and still have the energy to look at your options. Give yourself the credit for what you accomplish each day - getting out of bed! Facing the world! (or your little corner of it) and having the will to do it not once, but over and over!

Hang in there CB, and don't sell yourself short!
~Buggs

[continuosly blue]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Hello, CB! I only manage depression; I have not been successful in overcoming it. One reason is that I experience depression largely as a disease of the "will." My "will" works at best only sporadically, and when it does I find it nearly impossible to direct it effectively.

That's my situation. In contrast, I have encountered people here and elsewhere who testify they have succeeded in overcoming depression by willpower, either alone or in combination with talk therapy and medications. That's wonderful. I'm glad they've succeeded. Unfortunately, their story is not my story.
CB, have you had a time in your life when depression played a more subdued role?

Hi, Sorry to respond so late. I'm not on my computer most of the time.
As for your question, when I think about it there were times where my
depression was way out of control. Then there are other times when
it's just under the surface even though I may not seem depressed.
I don't feel like I've ever been in control of my life. I " go with the flow "
so to speak. I don't know if I've been helpful to you in any way.
Like the saying goes " stick around , the miracle could be 5 min. away ! "

cb

[gafferoo]

I wouldn't say it is totally impossible.

As I have mentioned before in another post, it helps being around good friends and family to help you through.

Then again, I have never been on any kind of medication. Subconsciously, you seem to be in a fight on whether or not you need the meds.