[sheolmare]

I've not been here for a longtime. Right now, i'm coping really hard in school because for once in my life, i wanna make my parents happy and proud that i can do well academically, even though that i'm wasting their money on my education since i know that i am thinking of killing myself right after graduating. I've tried my best to not have suicide thoughts but it's impossible for me. Everyday i wake up unhappy or maybe happiness to me is like in a blink of an eye. I never live for myself but others...

[Ygrec23]

Have you talked with your family doctor about your suicidal thinking? You really should, at least if you haven't got a therapist already. You do need to talk with a therapist and with a psychiatrist who will determine whether medication may help you, if you're not on medication already.

It's not normal to think about suicide. It's a sign that something's wrong. And because many people feel that way, doctors and therapists have lots of experience understanding those feelings and working with you to help you get rid of them.

If things get very tough before you have a chance to talk with a therapist and psychiatrist, you can always call the Samaritans crisis help-line. It's a free call, you can find their number in the beginning pages of any telephone book. They will talk with you very, very gently about what options you have and what's open to you. They will listen very, very carefully to what you say. They're excellent listeners.

Again, to have those kinds of ideas frequently is a sign that something's wrong. It's like having a disease: pneumonia, mumps, chicken pox. The therapists and the psychiatrists know how to help you make your life feel more worth living. See one of them. Talk to them. Life can be a very interesting and enjoyable experience, after people see things in perspective. And your therapist and psychiatrist can help you gain that perspective.

Welcome to PC. Welcome to the club! Take good care!

[jaxter23]

I'm not sure if you are in college or not, but if you are try and see if your school has a counseling program! I think it would be really beneficial for you to talk to someone. Suicidal thoughts are often very hard to get rid of on your own. It takes a lot of strength to ask for help, but its strength that each of us has! Sometimes we just don't realize that. I really think you should try and talk to a therapist or your parents about this! If any of your friends know how you have been feeling then maybe ask one of them to go to therapy with you. Sometimes its a lot easier to have someone you trust in the room with you. Just some thoughts, but please talk to someone! There is so much to live for, even if we can't always see it at times

[lynn P.]

Its nice you want to make your parents proud but you also have to do well in school for you too. I'm sorry you struggle with suicidal thoughts, but please reach out for help. Some people think others are happy, but the truth is....happiness comes in spurts and yes life's a challenge. Here's a compassionate website and make the pledge to live.

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

[greyclouds]

hi, im not a doctor or any way have medical experience. but when i came across this i had to message you.

why do you feel like this..? has something happened? your so very young you have your whole life to live for, things will change and get better if you speak to some one and get the help you need. you should not feel ashamed about how you feel,

i know its hard talking and admiting that we are not well but there is light at the end of the tunnel if we want it xxx

[Rohag]

Hello, Sheolmare!

I agree; seeing a counselor may prove valuable for you.

What things bring you joy, happiness or a sense of fulfillment without reference to anyone else (including your parents)?

[dazeofdolphins]

You may not be able to take this in right now, but your parents will NEVER get over your suicide. Friends and family will feel confused and guilty. I have been suicidal, very suicidal before but I got the right help - therapy and medication. I also had a family member who killed himself and it changed our lives forever and not for the better. You may think it is a good option but you will hurt people for the rest of their lives. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You definitely have a problem that needs to be addressed now. This is not a criticism. This is an observation. If my daughter killed herself I would not be able to go on with my life. You have choices. Exercise them and get help today. By the way, life does get better, a lot better. Start making a bucket list of all the things you want to do before you die and then keep adding to the list. You'll probably never be able to get through your list but you will have some amazing stories to tell others. Take care and let us know how you are doing with getting help. We'd like to hear from you-
dazeofdolphins

[puzzclar]

Originally Posted by sheolmare

I've tried my best to not have suicide thoughts but it's impossible for me. Everyday i wake up unhappy or maybe happiness to me is like in a blink of an eye. I never live for myself but others...

Take it from someone who has been living wth these type thoughts for 6 weeks STRAIGHT, with maybe a day of a break. I live for others, not myself, it's hard living like this, but I have found strenght.

It may seem impossible for you to NOT think about suicide, but beleive me, there are many more people out there that want YOU around.

I"m unhappy almost everyday. I think of how people need me to be there for them.... like I am today for you.

I know life is hard, but if you need support please contact me. I"ll be there for you, becuase I know how hard it is to live when you don't want to.

[BuggsBunny]

Originally Posted by sheolmare

i wanna make my parents happy and proud that i can do well academically, even though that i'm wasting their money on my education since i know that i am gonna kill myself right after graduating.

Okay, I agree with everyone else that you need to get some help. If your school has a counselling department, start there. They will be able to guide you in the right direction for what your individual needs are. Please don't hurt yourself until you can get there. If wanting to make your parents proud is keeping you alive, then stick with it until you can find a way to want to stay alive for yourself.

Keep posting, ten times a day if you need to. Do what you need to do to get some help, cause you are an important and valuable person. One day, with help, you will see this for yourself. Meanwhile, hang in here!