[spaceid]

I'm so down right now. Really want to talk to my therapist, but I won't see her until Friday. How can I be anxious and depressed at the same time? I don't even know what else to say except, UGH!

[pegasus]

Oh, well anxiety and depression are best friends and like to hold hands unfortunately. I'm sorry you are struggling right now, may be you could write some things down for your T to share when you see them. Sending a hug ((((((( spaceid )))))))

[spaceid]

Thanks Pegasus. I keep thinking today is Wednesday and only 2 more days to see my T, but then I remember its Tuesday. I hate that.

The thing about going to see my T though is that I have so much to tell her, but I feel embarrassed about it. When I go to see her I barely tell her anything and then we talk about stupid stuff like shopping and I'm not helping myself.

All I want to do is cry, but I have to somehow concentrate in class and then study for a quiz. I like having things to do, but when I get depressed it takes over my thoughts and I just feel horrible. I hope this goes away soon and I can get a handle on myself. What I really want is to talk about the thing that is really bothering me, but I'm too embarrassed about what I did. Hopefully, I'll be able to tell my T. I'm scared she is going to think I'm nuts.

[Callmebj]

spaceid, please speak to your T openly. There is nothing that will shock her, and your embarrassment revealed can be a break-through in part for yourself. As far as her thinking you are nuts, she might reveal to you some mistaken thought habits you have.
She's there to help and not judge; that's why they go through their own education of teasing out their own problems. I had a psch teacher tell me that some of the most
painful part of her education was confronting her own past. It's part of their education to flush out their own funkiness so that they may help others.
hugs, bj

[mima]

some body want to talk?

[BuggsBunny]

Originally Posted by spaceid

The thing about going to see my T though is that I have so much to tell her, but I feel embarrassed about it. When I go to see her I barely tell her anything and then we talk about stupid stuff like shopping and I'm not helping myself.

Here's what I did in therapy to make sure we got to the important issues, and not wasted our time on things that didn't help me.

In my first (and sickest) years I wrote it all down, pages of it, and just handed it to my therapist, who would read it and respond. Sometimes the mere act of writing it helped me see my own resolutions. (sometimes I even wrote her letters in between appointments, but you have to ask permission before you can do that.)

In later years (with a therapist who wouldn't let me hand her 5 sheets of paper) I made a list of the things I needed to discuss and handed her the list. This way, she could see what the issues were and tackle the harder/more important ones first.

If you have a T who won't read the list, keep it anyway and make sure you cover everything on it. If your latest shopping trip is not on the list, remind yourself that you only have one hour to cover everything, and you'd better get cracking.

Now, that said, there will be times when you spend the whole hour on one issue and don't get to the others. Don't beat yourself up over it. Just save the list and see if you can work it in next week. See if it's even still important to you next week.

(This list also works well with my pdoc and gp, so I don't forget to get a med refilled or a symptom overlooked.)

Good luck!

[teop]

Yes, please tell your therapist, you might be surprised when your therapist isn't.

[spaceid]

Thanks everyone. I was feeling better until today. I have an appointment with her tomorrow. I hope I can say what I need to say. Maybe I can practice with you guys?

I did something that I'm ashamed of. I secretly looked at the text messages of a guy I am seeing. I knew it was wrong and I've never done this before, but I had a suspicion that this girl from his work was texting him. I know she likes him, I used to work in the same place. She always flirted with him and it drove me crazy.

Anyway, he was supposed to go to work last week after having almost 2 weeks vacation. He decided he wanted another day off so he had to call out of work. He called while we were in the car together and the girl works at the front desk so she takes call outs. She was working that night and I could hear her on the phone telling him "he couldn't call out" blah blah blah, basically teasing him. He was being friendly to her because he is friendly to everyone. For the longest time I didn't even know he was interested in me because I thought he was just being nice to me like everyone else. So I think she's interpreting his niceness as something else.

So about a half hour later he got a text. When he read it he made this face like he was kind of disgusted and annoyed. I thought on of his friends just sent something that annoyed him. I didn't think much of it until about an hour later. For some reason I thought to myself that it must have been her texting him. I don't know why I thought this, but I just knew. So while he was away from his phone I checked his texts and it was from her. It said "I <3 you too but I haven't seen you in so long, haha" I was furious. I had a feeling she liked him, but this was proof. It bothered me so much! But I was also annoyed with myself, because it was not right that I read his texts.

He didn't respond to her. He got another text about an hour later, but he didn't even look at his phone. He didn't look at it again until we went to bed. He just flipped it open and shut it again. I snuck a look at his phone again that night and there was a new text from her. I didn't read because he hadn't read it either. This happened on Friday and has been driving me crazy since. I keep telling myself that I shouldn't worry. He didn't look happy when he read her text and he ignored the second one. He read the second one the next day, but I didn't sneak a look at his phone even though I wanted to. I knew it was not the right thing to do, but I'm dying to know what she texted him. A few days later I have to admit I sneaked a look at his phone. He had deleted her text messages, but not mine or his friends'. I even looked at his sent folder to see if he sent anything. I feel like a crazy person all of a sudden. I've never done that before and it has been bothering me all week.

They go to the same college so I keep thinking to myself what if they are spending time together when he's not with me? I am my own worst enemy and always think of the worst. I'm still so mad at myself for looking at his phone! Now I've been checking her Facebook page to see what she writes...this is not good. I think about this all the time, in class, in bed, driving...I'm so upset!

[teop]

good practice!

how did it go with the therapist?

[spaceid]

It went good with the therapist! I feel so much better and a lot more confident. She said I make myself feel to guilty about looking at his phone. If I had to look I had to look, but I don't feel the urge to do that anymore. I'm surprised how much it doesn't bother me anymore. At the time it's like I'm never going to forget it. I haven't forgotten it, but I guess I don't feel threatened and more sure of things so it doesn't weigh on my mind.

[teop]

Good! Sounds like it went well!