my fault..

i have caused that much trouble for my family that we have to move house, my wife says that im not to blame but if she would only take off her rose tinted glasses she would see that its down to me...
we were happy in our little house , we had friends that we could talk to, and the kids could play outside , then i went and did the unforgivable....
i walked out and made a relationship with one of our ' friend ?' i left her hurt and alone with the kids,
the relationship lasted on and off for about 2 months.
we this so-called friend ended it , it was by text ...
woth reading this i freaked and ODed, i was 30 minutes away from total shut down, and who was the only person who came to the hospital? the one that i had hurt so much... my wife..
in time we started sorting things out , and i got back together with my wife.
but after the doctor said i was in a depression i had time off work ( i work in a kitchen and depression and knifes are not advised) we couldnt afford the morgage payments , so we are now waiting to lose the house , and as it stands at the moment we have nowhere else to go....

so why cant she see its my fault?...... coz i can

She can't see it is your fault because it is not. You may feel she is looking through rose tinted glasses, but, at the moment, you are looking through black ones due to your depression. Iknow because I have been there. I still struggle to believe it is not all my fault; deep down it feels like it is, but logically I am starting to see it is not. I'm not going to rebut all of your statements one by one because I know you would come up with a response to each rebuttal. One thing that helped me was to try to think what I would say to a friend in the same situation. That helped me to see that I was not as guilty as I felt. What you are doing now is emotional reasoning - you feel bad so you believe you are bad. But you're not, not really. Just hang on in there till it gets a little clearer, OK? And keep posting.

Caroline is right...you are going to see it as your fault, the whole thing, but it's not. You realize where you went wrong, and that's good. Time to say 'I'm not gonna do it again' and stand your ground. I have this exercise..really small, but it helps: I write down things that I'm good at, things that make me happy, etc. I do this every day, even though I can't see things that way right now. Other people can't see the faults that you see in yourself, and they won't understand how you feel unless you talk about it. Keep talking, keep writing...you're not alone! *hugs*

(((((therealme)))))

thank you all for replying
only time will tell if what i have done will ever seem right to me , i am trying to think about things logically but they still make me feel guilty... i may be wearing black glasses at the moment ... just hope that one day either me or someone else removes them
thank you again for replying