[tennisgrlcc]

I find myself looking at my therapist as my mom and very emotionally attached to her. She says this is all right and we know it is because my mom left when I was young. It's normal for me to call my therapist after hours for support as that's the help we get at the center I go to. It is also very normal for my T to hug me. I find myself fantacizing about other physical nurturing things with my T with her hugging me and laying with me until I fall asleep. I find this is the only way I am now able to fall asleep. I really want to know go to my T's house and spend the night. I know this prob sounds weird but it's a huge want I imagine everynight. What should I do? I need some advice, support by the Way I'm only 15

[lynn09]

Hello, tennisgrlcc. Although you say that your T says it is okay for you to be emotionally attached to her, I think you should talk very openly and honestly with her about the extent and intensity of your "physical nurturing" desires and fantasies. It's a good thing to have a T that you can trust and makes you feel safe and accepted, but it is important to the success of your therapy for your T to maintain a degree of objectivity, as well. Too much of an emotional attachment to your T can actually interfere with your growth toward emotional maturity and acquiring the skills you need to develop your self-esteem, self-reliance, and independence.

Since you lost your mom at such a young age, it IS perfectly natural that you would have the feelings you are experiencing and be inclined to think of your T and even other mature women as substitute-mothers; so, do not be ashamed of or embarrassed about your feelings. Like I said, talk to your T about your feelings openly and honestly so she can know how to help you understand and cope with them.

Take good care of yourself, and don't hesitate to post about your feelings and concerns here to get the additional guidance and support you need. lynn09

[likewater]

That is very sweet. Tell your T. It's ok. I'm sorry you lost your mom. My dad died when i was 9. I'm 39, and sometimes i would like to go home with my T. I told her. Actually, i just wanted to take her everywhere with me. She is a little Filipino lady. I told her i could
almost fit her in my pocket and carry her around. She laughed and her eyes sparkled. She was happy i found her so helpful and
comforting. Then of course helped me prepare for the real world without her in my pocket, but i can always call her. Hugs to you,tennisgirl

[SeaBreeze]

There is really nothing wrong with feeling the way you are, so don't feel weird or ashamed about it. I feel the same way about my T too most of the time. I still crave a motherly connection. But being an adult requires me to deal with the harsh reality that my T is not my mother. You must try to talk to your T about it so that she can teach you how to handle these feelings. She'll do it gradually, it is a slow process, so you must persist. Just being open and talking about it with her will help you too. Then you don't have to feel weird about it anymore. She already understands and she will help and teach you. Its sounds like you have an amazing T and being such a tender age it is a blessing for you. Big safe hugs xxxxx

[tennisgrlcc]

Thank you everyone for your support. One question what should I say? It just seems so scary to me to tell her. She knows that I fantasize about being nurtured and physically soothed at night but to tell her that it's her I imagine. I don't know how to say that. It sounds weird to tell her that.

[dailyhealing]

Hello tennisgrlcc. You sound very mature for a 15 year old! I think the idea of telling your therapist is a good one also. And I'm sure it will feel weird and maybe uncomfortable. But I think the best way is to just say it. When I have something hard or scary to tell someone I trust I will often start by saying something like "I feel really nervous (or whatever you are feeling) about telling you this, but I really need to". That kind of lets them know that I am taking a risk and am not feeling very confident at that moment. Not sure if that helps, but it kind of breaks the ice for me to have the courage to talk about hard things. Take care and I hope you keep posting.

[lynn09]

Good point and advice, dailyhealing. Also, tennisgrlcc, whenever I needed to tell my T something that was just too difficult for me to verbalize, I would write it out beforehand and just hand it to my T at my appointment.

Honestly, there's nothing weird about the thoughts and feelings you are experiencing about your T - they are natural components of your particular situation and how your experiences are impacting you. Your T needs to be able to see things from your perspective - needs to see what you are seeing - and the only way she can see things from your point of view is by standing where you are standing, so to speak, so she can provide you with the support and guidance you need.

If you broke your leg, you wouldn't distract your doctor's attention from your leg by requesting treatment for your arm since this would do nothing to fix your leg. In your present situation, the issue is not whether your feelings and fantasies about your T are weird or not, but rather that you feel weird about having and telling your T about those feelings and fantasies about her.

Identify your real fear here - perhaps you're afraid that if you reveal this information to your T that she will judge you, think less of you, that you might lose her acceptance, and that your relationship with her will be negatively impacted. If this is your fear, then all the more reason for you to discuss it all openly and honestly with your T - your fantasies, your feelings about your fantasies, your feelings and fears about sharing that information with her, etc.

From what you have said about your T, she sounds like a wonderful, kind, caring, trustworthy, supportive, nonjudgmental person whose only objective is to help, not judge, you in any way she can. Where there is fear, there's an issue with trust. So, this is a trust issue - not only whether or not you can fully trust your T, but also whether or not your T can trust you to be honest with her so she can act in your best interest and for your welfare. I truly believe that you have more to gain than risk by talking about this with your T.

Please let us know how you decide to handle this if you feel comfortable doing so. It may take you some time to be able to talk or even write to your T about this - and that's okay. Take your time and don't push yourself to do this before you are ready. In the meantime, we'll all be here to help and support you any way we can. lynn09