[lost_as_always]

i dont know why but no matter how bad it gets i cant ask for help. i think i have hit a real low.i have always thought of myself as a strong person, but at what point is it more pride than anything else? i dont feel happy anymore, i dont feel anymore, i consume my day with guilt,panic and fear. i know this isnt right or normal but i cant bring myself to ask for help. i have gotten to a point were i have to do something to fix it yet here i sit hiding.i dont know if this the right thing to do . but it seems like a small victory for me just to do this. i think i posted this becouse i need to talk, to someone and the less real that person is to me (i.e. never meet them in person) i can have some bit of security. i think there are people who have feelt the same way and might have clues/helpful words to this. other than that i really dont know what will come of it. i guess i am of the mind that "it cant hurt to try". so i guess i will leave it at that

[SeptemberMorn]

Seems that you've already asked for help... by posting this. Welcome to the board, by the way. You'll find a lot of understanding and caring here. Many of us have felt the same way as you; I for one.

You showed a lot of courage posting what you did so pat yourself on the back. You accomplished something big today.

Keep coming back and before you know it, you'll realize you are not alone or that different from a lot of people, either.

Hope to see more posts from you in the very near future.



"For unto us a Son is given..."

[geekgirl]

Hi Lost,

I agree with Sept Morn, you have asked here.

One thing I've learned through all of this for myself is that sometimes strength is just admitting we can't do it all, solve it all, or be all. Just by stating there's a problem sometimes is the best thing of all to do. Yup, ya did right I think!

It's really hard, I know, when you're really depressed to cope. Post some more... I've found everyone here so far to be friendly and supportive.

[lost_as_always]

i feel i might have missed a step in this. after reading post for a few hours i see people post about themselfs as well, i think my problems started when i was 14 both my parents got cancer at the same time while my father recovered after 6months of kemo my mother battled it tell she died a year later after that my father and i tryed to rebuild a family, but he lost intressed in his son after a few months within a year my father began to date another woman leaveing me at home for long times the longest being a weekend. after some time with his new found girlfreind he told me there were getting married, and that we were moving.i struggled to fit into the new life, but soon found i wasnt wanted in his new family. things like lock out of the house, hiding food from me, charging rent (that came from the ss beafits for suvivor) became everyday things for me, i was told to see a therapist and i did, i didnt go for long as i didnt want to be there, and i didnt feel much help was gotten from it.my sister who is 6years old has since seen a therapist and was told she was bi-polar and manic depressive, i think she is doing better, thats part of the reason i am talking here. i struggle and hide the fact that i am unhappy. but as i posted a bit earlyer i cant bring myself to ask for help. at the point now it has effected every part of my life. from working to sleeping. i say all this for a few reason first on this forum i have a bit of security, i know something has to be done before i can live and feel again, and i am so tired of thinking i am worthless. i dont post this to upset anyone, and i am sorry if i does.

[dreamer62604]

That's some story. I'm sorry for all the loss and pain that you have had, I would love to say that I understand, but I really don't All I can say is that I sympathize with you. I hope your sister is doing better, it's horrible for someone that young to be so unhappy. I hope that you get better too. You might want to consider going back to a therapist. They can help. Sometimes just talking out your feelings with someone is really what you need most. However, if you aren't ready for therapy, then it won't help you. I know, I went to therapy for a long time and it didn't help. It didn't begin to help until I was good and ready, and really wanting help. But, coming here is a step in that direction. Welcome to the board, people here are very nice and helpful. Hope to see more from you in the future.
~Dreamer~

[dexter]

Hello lost and thank you for posting here. It is a first step toward feeling better.

If you are suffering depression or bipolar as a medical condition there are ways to help feel better. And if it is medical in nature than it will likely not clear up on its own. This is the best reason to see a doctor or therapist again to find out what it going on and get help towards feeling better.

I would definitely give the therapist another try. A therapist is a very "personal" thing, you have to trust him/her even more than a medical doctor so that you can speak openly, and both their "manner" and treatment style have to match your personality in order for it to be helpful and productive. If you feel you aren't getting help from the therapist you should try to find a different one, and keep trying until you find one that you "click" with.

Clinical depression and bipolar disorder seem to be genetically based illnesses that tend to run in families. If your sister is bipolar then that is a good reason to get checked yourself for bipolar or depression. As I said before, if there is a medical problem at the root of this, medical treatment will be necessary to get help, and there is no reason to deny yourself the help that is available.

In the meantime please keep posting here! We understand the things that other people can't or won't understand, so this is a safe place to talk about these fears and feelings and find people with similar stories and support rather than than getting bad advice or denial from people who know nothing about these problems. Hopefully we can help you figure out what you need to do to get better and give you the confidence and hope to take the steps you need to work toward wellness.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

[conklinca]

I'm not sure I understand what you're asking, but if you are wondering why you can't ask those around you in everyday life, here are some reasons I don't ask when I need it and should ask:
a) I don't want people to pity me and make me feel worthless, like I need pity
b) I want to "do it myself" because I am proud and stubborn and want the feeling of accomplishment to be MINE
c) I feel like people will notice if I need help if they love me enough to pay attention (this is a TERRIBLE reason, by the way, because people can care and not notice)
d) I want people to look up to me as a strong, put together person who can handle myself