[janesgang]

I'm feeling pretty bad today. The holidays were awful, and now we're in January which is the anniversary month for a lot of bad stuff for me. My daughter died in January, my dad died in January, my ex-husband left me for a woman 12 years younger than me (only 8 years older than our oldest son!) in January. Suffice it to say that January generally kicks my hiney. Talked to my T and she said all the right things and gave me all the right ways to cope, but they're just not working. I want to crawl into a hole and pull it in after me. Been trying real hard not to s.i., but it's getting more difficult not to at least scratch myself up. Sorry about the "s" word. Don't want to trigger anyone (or myself!). Sorry.

I now have a wonderful husband, a good job, and my youngest son (who still lives at home) is probably the most perfect teenager in existance, but I still feel hopeless and worthless. Can anyone help me?

"Keep walking past the open windows."

[Rapunzel]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

January is a hard month to get through anyway, and with all the things that are associated with January for you, I can understand how you feel. Hang in there - the month is a third over already and before you know it it will be a whole new month.

Try to think about the good things as much as you can.



<font color=green>"Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible" Carl Jung</font color=green>

[janesgang]

Thanks for the hugs. You're right. I just have to "keep on keeping on." But it's nice to know there's someone in my corner. -j

"Keep walking past the open windows."

[dooney]

I know from experience that no one can say anything that will make this time better for you or take away the pain (My daughter Kateleen died also) But one thing that helps me is to remember the good things about them and there are a lot. This does not take away the pain nothing does that not even time but it does make it easer. An janesgang remember this too will pass. I know it's hard to think of, at a time like this (I really do) but if you did s.i. everyone that loves you (inclucding us here) would suffer the same debilitating pain every year you are suffering now. So even though you don't want to hear it you have to, you can not end it all, everyone needs you so they, can go on. With all my heart I'm sorry for your loss, if I could move the world, I would give back to you what was taken. And that ingnorant man has just added to your pain and fragile heart. You are not hopleless or worthless. You should not feel guilt at thier loss or at his betrail. None of it was your doing sweetheart. I wish I had you here before me right now so you could see how much I want to help you and how sorry I am that I can't. Give yourself permision to grieve but not to die. You deserve life.

[somebodyelse]

(((((((((((janesgang))))))))))

It's no wonder that this is such a rough time for you, having suffered such tremendous losses during this month. There are no words that anyone can say to compensate for those losses or your pain, but please do try to tough it out.

You are blessed with a better husband and your remaining children, and with (I hope) joyful memories of your daughter. Maybe thoughts of these blessings can help you to make it through the month.

I know that this is probably the most difficult time for you to avoid s.i., but if you can avoid it now, it will surely give you more strength to avoid it in the future.

I wish that there was something that I could do to make it better. Please know that I am pulling for you.

[LadyDragus]

ok I for one do not let others crawl into holes.. I can not do it.. so nope..

I will dig till I find you..
I know how hard it is to have a month like that, i have days like that..
My life is not as bad, but It could be worse I keep telling myself.

One thing I do to help me cope when I am having a bad time like you, I read, I just pick up a book and read,,, it does not matter what book be it a school book, a pleaseur read or just a kids book.
I hold my thougths out high and say "Goodbye" i want them to go away so I can be me.. I let them go far away for awhile, then when I am done, I come down slolwy, think about what is deperssin me, then I work on that first thougth, then I move on to the second one..

Try this and see if it helps..
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ hugs }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}]
I hope hugs are ok

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

[janesgang]

It's hard to believe the outpouring of support you've all shown. I'm still not used to having such good people in my corner (never have felt like I deserved it). Doing better today - I actually went to work. Thanks, everyone. I love y'all. --jane

"Keep walking past the open windows."

[somebodyelse]

I'm so glad to hear that you're feeling better today, Jane---and that you were able to go to work! You do deserve to have people in your corner supporting you during rough times, and there are many here who want to help you through those times and to share your joy when things are going great!

Please keep us posted on how things are going for ya.

[LadyDragus]

Well belive it..
we all know what you are going through or at least can understand..

Heck even some of us may or might be in the same place you are in, or have been in that place..

So feel free to wriet more, post more and in genearl feel safe here talking about what you need to ok

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

[ariel]

I suggest that you re-label all calendars July, burn the "January" labels and go play air hockey.

-Ariel

Whatever you can do,
Or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic, in it.
-Goethe