[Rometsch]

I have been dealing with depression for so long that I can't honestly say when it started. I am 35 years old. My marriage has fallen apart mostly because of my mental state. I recently began seeing a counselor recently. I think it helps but it's still early I guess. She has mentioned medication, which I fear. My Dad was a pill popper for most of my life. I do not have a regular doctor and don't think I would be comfortable discussing my depression with one.

[kimmydawn]

((((((((rometsch)))))))))))

Hi and welcome! I'm sorry that you're feeling so badly. It seems you've been suffering a long time.

Please know there's many here who can relate, offer advice as well as support.

It's great that you've started therapy! I'm sure that your therapist could recommend and psychiatrist that he/she would trust with medications down the road if you're willing.

Again welcome!

KD

[bipolar_bear]

Welcome Rometsch. I am sorry you are feeling so bad right now. I am glad you are getting some help for your depression. Maybe with some help from your t you can find a doc you can feel comfortable with.

[Rometsch]

Thank you bipolar_bear and kimmydawn for your advice. It took me many years before I was willing to go for counseling. I am certainly considering the idea. I'm just so afraid of taking medication. I don't want to be on pills forever. Nor do I want to continue the path that I am on.

[lynnjd]

See, i've never experienced the "wanting to be isolated" phase of depression, I always want to have people around (and like you, I was in a relationship which took a hard toll). Unfortunately, people can be driven away for different reasons, if not just from a lack of understanding. That's why I really believe in therapy. It allows you to get all your feelings out, be heard by someone who is trained in that area, and help you figure out just what it is that is triggering all these bad feelings about yourself.

Best advice I can give is to not worry about opening up to a professional about your problems. For whatever reason you might feel it scary to talk to one, a lot of times they will pin point something that you weren't/aren't even aware of because of your depression clouding your judgement and your life.

Like you, I do not like the idea of medication personally, but I will admit, it helped me during a really rough time in my life, and the therapy is a continuation that you can use in the long term (and quite possibly get off of the meds all together when you are ready).

Don't worry about becoming a pill popper. If you are strong (which you are) and want to actually make a positive improvement in your life, then taking any help out there is definitely a step in the right direction. Think of medication as something that will help counterbalance the damage that has been done either from the depression initially or the negative thoughts from it. And like I said, think of the therapy as the final solution to keep your mind balanced.

Why continue the pain when you can possibly help yourself?

[ocd123]

I agree with the others. You've been depressed a long time--now you deserve to feel better!

And please try not to worry about "popping pills"--the antidepressants are totally different from the kind of "recreational" drugs that some people use. They're not addictive and they don't give you a phony "high" like street drugs can--they only help to correct the biochemical imbalances in the brain that cause depression in the first place. So really for a depressed person to take an antidepressant drug is no different from a diabetic person taking insulin!

Good luck--please let us know how you're doing!