[happysomeday]

I need help. I've tried everyone I know and no one is responding. I just need someone to listen. PLease, I'm desperate.

[pbutton]

Keep posting. This is a good place to let it out.

[happysomeday]

I feel like I'm going to lose control. I just started an 8 hour night shift and am with one other person. She's already freaking out that I'm acting so strange. I don't know what to do. I feel as if I want to call it quuits. I hate my life.

[happysomeday]

I swear I'm losing it. I can hardly type this I'm shaking so hard. I never cry in front of people and here I am balling in front of my coworker.

[Fairy Tooth]

If you need someone to listen to you, you can post on these forums. I'm positive that most people here will be receptive to what you have to say.

I'm not sure how much this would help, but for what it's worth, I'd be more than willing to listen to you if you felt like talking. I'm a new member here, so I won't blame you at all if you choose not to talk.

I hope you feel better and happier soon.

[shezbut]

Is there any particular reason that you are feeling very emotional and scared today? Try to give yourself a break ~ we ALL get emotional in tough times. I would think that your co-worker understands that you're having a tough time right now. Rather than rolling his/her eyes in disgust.

[shezbut]

Btw, if your co-worker isn't understanding of your emotional position, don't worry about it. Someday, she'll be struggling with similar feelings herself.

Do you need to be more busy, to keep your mind active and stay away from the anxiety that you're fighting? Have you tried bringing a smooth rock or squishy ball with you to work, to distract yourself with as you fight these emotions? Focus as much as possible on the object's appearance, texture, etc to take your mind off things for a few minutes. That can really help a lot!!

[happysomeday]

She's asked me whas wrong and I just tell her I'm having a bad day. Monday is the anniversary of an assault and I know that has something to do with it.

[optimize990h]

how r u?

[shezbut]

(((happysomeday)))

Have you tried posting in the PTSD forum? While that forum isn't as active as this one is, those who visit that forum have more experience with issues like the what you're struggling with.

My SA occurred in early childhood as well as my teenage years, 20-30 years ago, so my point of view is different than those who suffered experiences more recently. I'm not sure if I could give you any real helpful advice, as I repressed my negative memories for many years.

Gentle hugs to you ~ be gentle with yourself. Any way that you can get some time off to help you work through this tough time?? Unfortunately, many of us have suffered various types of assault. All types are traumatic! You just might need a little time off to help you adjust to the memories.

[happysomeday]

Thanks for the info about the other forum. I unfortunately work at a place where time off is hard to come by. I work a 12 hour shift tomorrow night and then am off til Tuesday night. Which could be a blessing or not. Because Monday I'll be alone with myself which scares me. I have no family or close friends in which to confide in or want to be with on that day.

[happysomeday]

And I kept my trauma secret for 15 years until 4 years agowhen I finally saw a thErapist.

[TerryL]

Originally Posted by happysomeday

Because Monday I'll be alone with myself which scares me. I have no family or close friends in which to confide in or want to be with on that day.

Can you have ready a crisis hotline number for that day just in case? and of course you can post on PC too. Do you still see a T? If yes, are you able to call him/her if need be?

[happysomeday]

Yeah I have some crisis numbers but my therapist is off on Mondays. I see her Wednesday though. I'm pacing the room right now --cant hardly concentrate to type this.

[TerryL]

Does your T take calls even on his/her off days?

[happysomeday]

No unfortunately. I really have no strength left.

[TerryL]

I'm surprised. I thought all Ts say to call them in times of crisis.

btw, there is also the Abuse forum and the Anxiety forum here on PC. I hope you will be able to cope till Monday passes. and again, you will always find support here on PC.

[happysomeday]

It's too hard. I am barely surviving even typing this. The heaviness in my heart is killing my. My soul is broken. I don't think I want to go on. It's hopeless.

[Rohag]

Happysomeday, people are here; we're reading. We're noticing the thoughts you manage to put into words. Maybe someone will have just the right words for you for this hour.

As you are able, please keep posting.

[happysomeday]

I've tried typing this 4 times now--i keep getting booted out. Anyway, I'm at work which makes my situation even worse. I try to hide it but my coworker asked what was wrong and I totally broke down, telling him everything. He ended up calling a crisis line and they talked to me for 30 minutes. We made a plan that they will call me back in 90 minutes and I had to promise I wouldn't hurt myself. Iot's just so hard. I feel like the walls are closing in on me and I have a constant stomach ache. My eyes have cried a million tears. I just don't have the strength anymore. I have no one to go home to in the morning and that scares me. I am a lost cause I do believe.

[dancinginthedark]

Originally Posted by happysomeday

I need help. I've tried everyone I know and no one is responding. I just need someone to listen. PLease, I'm desperate.

I'm listening...

I believe you are in a panic attack.
I have not been in a good mental state for the last 3 days.
it's 4:30 am and i still can't sleep.
But I feel for you.
Just to let you know that i'm here too.
So your not alone. I hear you.

It is good that you called the crisis line.
Keep posting on here too, we will always listen to you

[happysomeday]

Thank you for reminding me I'm not alone. The crisis line called me back and we made another plan for me to call them when I get home from work in the morning. I am still so depressed and crying constantly. Luckily my job doesn't entail being around the public or other people (except my one coworker). I'm scared about the next few days when I'm not at work--no structure. Sure I have my therapist who I will call Monday, but the hole I feel in my heart is so huge I don't know what to fill it with or how I'll survive. If I don't make sense on here or ramble on it's because my mind is going a mile a minute. I still want to die.

[optimize990h]

I hope you are doing better. perhaps some rest. keep the crisis line close if you can't sleep at times. (((((happysomeday))))))