I don't know what to do

My mother has recently been diagonized with cancer, and she is continusly getting worse. I want to be there for my family, but they won't talk to me. I got kicked out of my bedroom and my dad through my bed out on Christmas. My supposided fiancee doesn't understand what i'm going through, and he thinks i'm shutting him out. I just don't have the strength to explain to him how I feel anymore. I feel like the more I do the more aggratived he gets. He always has told me that if I ever need to move out then his doors are always open. Then today, he drove up to the hosipital after an "i'm feeling overwheelmed" appointment with his therapist. He tells me that he isn't fiancially ready for me to move in. I love him very much, but my family is telling me that I should leave him because he can't support me. I try to be understanding, but I feel like he always thinks the worst of me. I don't know where I'm going to sleep from night to night. There is no food in the house and I just don't have any energy anymore. People at work asked me how my christmas was just becasue they wanted to brag about how much fun they had. My guy didn't bother getting me anything. My family didn't think that I was worth while. It doesn't feel like christmas. I feel like every year of my life is getting worse. I keep telling myself that it will get better, but I dont' know when. I'm afraid to live from day to day. I just want to run away and be alone, but I don't have enough money to support myself to do that. If anyone has any comments I would appracite it.

I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time right now. Try to keep telling yourself that is will get better. From the looks of it, it has to, can't get much worse. Anyway, I hope that things to start to look up, but I don't really have any advice for you, because well, I'm not experienced in the problems that you are having and I don't want to say the wrong thing. So for now, I will just say welcome, and keep posting. People here are caring and helpful.

[b][pink]"On the plus side you killed the bench, which was starting to look shifty."-Oz of Buffy the Vampire Slayer[b][pink]

First I want to say that I am sorry to hear about your mother, and Welcome to the forums. I am sorry to hear that things are not going well for you right now. I understand the money situation, that along with the other problems that you are having does not help the depression. Do you have access to any Community mental health programs, where you could see a Therapist, many times they will base it on you income or let you make payments. I think you have shown courage by posting here and hope you continue. If a Therapist could help you that would be another support for you. Alot of my depressions are and or have been related to lack of support, since I have started posting here I have gained hope.

Best wishes

KRZYKRIS

If you think you have totally gave up, you haven't, because you are here!

Audrey, it is good that you have here to come to and ask for help... I suggest you listen to the wisdom some have for you. All is not lost and it's not as bad as you think. Yes, losing a parent will be most difficult..with that I say, say all the things you want to to her now... think about it.. away by yourself... share some of the anger, some of the miscommunications, some of the things you never told her... but do that alone with her... and then take care of yourself. It doesn't sound like you have ANYONE on your side, and it does sound like they don't have YOUR BEST INTEREST in mind, but their own. Running away is a natural response... getting away from the confusion and such for a short time might be good... but only withthe intent of finding yourself... find a therapist... sliding scale... free... find a church... or a women in distress group home... there are many many things to help you you don't need to rely upon your current relationships... above all you must take care of yourself. Has any of this writing helped?

thanks for your feedback. I'm feeling better about things tonight. The next morning, i opened at home depot and some of my co workers got together and got me loads of christmas gifts. These were people i didn't even think cared. so anyway, it put me in a better mood. Things are still bad though, but my heart did race for as long today. Thank you for your feedback, it's nice to know someone cared enough to write back.

oh and by the way, my fiancee and i did lots of talking and hugs last night for a few hours, i still feel stressed to no end, but if at least i have his support.

My tag line says running away does not work. But, what if it does?

Is there not some times or situations where it might be best to simply make a break and head for greener pastures?

<font color=blue>[b] Wherever you go, there you are[b]<font color=blue>

I agree with Kvinn. There are times when it's just best to rise above the crap in your life and move on.

My youngest son is supporting a family of four with his wages from Home Depot. If he can do that, you can support yourself. Maybe not in a grand style, but certainly find a place of your own where you don't have to put up with other's crap.

Your father is probably acting out of grief and pain for your mother and isn't thinking very well. At least your boyfriend is being truthful with you. Take your cue and try to become more independent.

thanks that reassuring about home depot septembermorn. The reason why i didn't want to leave is becaue first it will upset my mom, and second because she needs me to be there for her incase she does come home. Although she's getting worse by the day, so i don't know if she will even make it for that, but i want to know when she goes. so it is quite frustrating