[flyinggirl]

Hi everyone,
I'm new and as I'm sitting awake in a hotel room in Bogota in the middle of the night, trying to deal with my feelings and distract myself, I'm going through the posts. Is 40 really such a big trigger? I'm 41 and haven't had depression for over 10 years. Suddenly I find myself indulging in a fantasy where I get to go back in time to school and do everything again, it has a strong sexual componant and makes me a much more important and powerful person than i am, was or ever will be. The fantasy has gone on for six weeks now and over that last two days the depression has reared it's ugly head. I know they are linked. The comparrison between me in this fantasy world and the real me is stark and so coming back to reality is a nasty schock. Am I having a mid-life crisis? Is this quite common? Oh God let there be a simple explanation. I have been so happy over the past ten years I can't believe that the depression is coming back.
What do you guys recommend for a mid-life crisis? I have already started training for a half marathon but that was mainly because it gave me free head time for my fantasy world. I need to know it's not all downhill from here.

[Leed]

No of course it's not all downhill, or else I'd have blown my head off. I'm 63 and I feel pretty good. I've been depressed since I was a small child. Luckily I sought out therapy in my 20's and got rid of a lot of "baggage" that I'd been carrying around for years.

I think that would be a good idea for you too. Therapy is called for in your case. You really do need to see a therapist. Is that possible? Ii hope so because you do need to talk about your issues. Then if things continue and your depression doesn't ease, you'd need to be put on an antidepressant. You may be clinically depressed, but I doubt it. Please see a therapist. You won't regret it.

I wish you the very best. God bless and please take care. And update us on what happens, will you please. We DO care. Hugs, Lee

[flyinggirl]

Already been there! I too went to see a therapist in my late twenties/early thirties. I lived in Germany and so had the advantage of great health care and free psychoanalysis. I spent two or three years in therapy and chucked that baggage. I was much better afterwards and had no signs of depression for over ten years. I had tried one or two antidepressants before that and didn't like it at all so I was really into sorting it out drug free. This is why the sudden return has thrown me and I am sure it must have to do with the obsessive fantisies. I already have plans to contact my therapist to see if she has room for me. Not sure if a behavioural therapy might be better for this though.

[Rachel.i]

Mid-life crisis... Well, it may be a cliché, but you'll probably look back and think how relatively young 40, 41 is - though I know it does not seem so at the time. No, it's not all downhill from there. The 40's can be one of of your best decades. Think of the lessons you're learned over your life and try to put them to good use. And don't put off till "someday" the things you want to do. You've already started training for a marathon, that's a good start. Explore doing other things you like.

I am in my early 50's and this would be my advice.

As far as the depression, I echo Lee's suggestion of seeing a therapist if it doesn't ease. No need trying to battle it on your own.

[whimsygirl]

Hi flyinggirl......I'm so sorry that you're feeling bad again. As someone who has suffered from this demon ~depression for over 40 years, I know how frustrating it is when you're feeling better and then it comes back. I hope you will reach out to your doctor and ~or a therapist when you can. All the best to you...... ~whimsygirl

[flyinggirl]

I am chastened reading the posts on this site. So many people with so many challenging situations. I really admire a lot of you guys and think you are incredibly brave. I need to count my blessings and I have many.
I wrote a long mail to my wife (I live in GB so two women can marry) and 'fessed up about the whole fantasy world thing. She had of course noticed that I have been withdrawn and apparantly have had mood swings. She had already googled warning signs of depression and bipolar disorder, bless her. She is very supportive. I feel better already for talking to her about it.
I spent most of yesterday afternoon 'there' but it already seems to be less compelling. The depression was less accute this morning and I threw it off almost completely over breakfast with colleagues. Am now trying not to go 'there' again.
Thank you all for your replies. It is making me weep.

[northwardbound]

flyinggirl, my 40s were turbulent (I'm 48 now). I came out at 44 and rocked many many boats. Friends told me I was having a midlife crisis or going through a "phase". Turns out it's most definitely not

Don't be chastened. Everyone's suffering is important and needs to be heard and supported equally. How lovely you have a supportive wife who has already googled ahead! My gf succumbed to depression and rather than allow me to support her, dumped me via a single phone call and has refused to have anything much to do with me ever since

I must admit I'm not looking forward to 50 but I am sure my fifth decade will bring it's own challenges as well as much love and laughter!

PS: I'm UK based too.

[flyinggirl]

I have just phoned my therapist. First time I have used Skype to make a landline call and it was a really crappy line. Fortunately we understood each other enough for her to work out I want to come and see her and she is looking out appointments for me. It was so good to hear her voice after ten years. Especially feeling bad like I do now. Really, really good. I feel better just because I know I'm doing something.
Thanks to you guys for being so clear about me going back tp therapy.