[dreamer62604]

WEll, I had a good christmas, I mean I got tons of stuff, but really stuff doesn't mean anything. It can't fill this huge hole that i have inside me. I feel like i'm reaching out and no one is grabbing my hand to pull me up and out of this place that i'm in. My parents try, my therapist tried, everyone tries, but no one can. I'm slipping deeper and deeper into my black hole and I'm getting to the point where no one can reach me. (sigh) I've been here before. I thought that maybe all the craziness of Christmas would help me shake this off, but the blackness of my depression has continued to consume me none-the-less. I just don't understand why I can't shake this. I mean I feel so lost and down, and I don't know. I just want to crawl into a hole somewhere away from everyone and everything. I mean i'm sitting here with christmas music playing, and it isn't doing anything for me. it doesn't feel like christmas, it just feels like another day, another damn day that i have to live through. (sigh) I don't know I just wish that someone could reach me.

<font color=green>I smile because I have no idea what's going on.</font color=green>

[krzyk101]

Dreamer,

Hang in there and keep posting. Have you tried anti-depressants? Sounds like you are suffering from a chemical inbalance, I can not get out of my depressions with out meds, even with it gets rough too. I am sorry to hear you are having such a hard time, your so young and I know it is hard. Please try to get through this.

take care and hopes for happy times

KRZYKRIS

If you think you have totally gave up, you haven't, because you are here!

[Rapunzel]

Are you reaching back to them too? You know that these people care about you and that they are trying to help you, but nobody can do it for you. Take their hands and do your part of the climbing. It isn't easy, but you'll be stuck in that hole until you do your part to get out of it, no matter how much people care and how hard they try to reach you.

I really hope that you feel better soon.

<font color=green>"Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible" Carl Jung</font color=green>

[jennie]

are you on meds for the depression? if so, maybe it's time for a med change.

i go through periods of depression where i can't see past the emptiness. it's not a good place to be. it feels like the suffering will never end. but after a while, it lets up a bit and i am able to feel some pleasure from living.

it's good that you recognize people trying to be there for you. somehow you need to connect with at least one person. i suggest you share with your counselor some art, poetry, or some writings. sounds like you need another method of communicating than just talking. hope you try it. (((((((Huggs)))))))) hang in there. you aren't alone.

[i] <font color=purple> Absolve you to yourself, and you shall have the suffrage of the world." Ralph Waldo Emerson</font color=purple>

[Duchess]

**************Duchess, extends her arms
Gives Dreamer a ((((((((((((((((((((( HUG )))))))))))))))))))))))))))

When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth & love have always won. there have been tyrants & murderers, and for a time they can be invincible, but in the end they always fall.think of it... always. Mohandas Gandhi...

[(JD)]

gee dreamer that's nearly exactly the way it feels to me... only my black hole is a gigantic swirling tornado of pitch and as I slip farther down inside, my hand must be easier to see as it reaches out the side...and usually the only one who sees it is my t. but is that enough when he is the only one? my world is contained within this black swirling mass.... why would I wish to be pulled back up to the top when I never escape, but only get close enough to see there is light above: none for me never for me... for others... I would rather not know this... leave me in the swirl.

[dreamer62604]

To answer some questions.
Yes I am on meds, have been since I was 12. Been on many different ones since then. Docs have tried to change them, to deal with my stress level and such, but everytime a change was made I had really bad side effects (such as: insomnia, restlessness, confusion, crying uncontrollably). So I went back to what I had been on and haven't changed again.

Thank you all for your concern. however, I have been dealing with depression since I was 12. I have had worse times than I am now, if that's imaginable. I will most likely survive through this and be stronger for it. I realize this. I am sorry if I have worried any of you. I may need to leave for a while, to let people who really need help get it. I am simply a burden, and cause more harm than good. I am sorry for the inconvinence.

[b][pink]"On the plus side you killed the bench, which was starting to look shifty."-Oz of Buffy the Vampire Slayer[b][pink]

[jennie]

you aren't a burden. this room is for support. that's what we do.
i encourage you to keep posting, if we help you at all. you shouldn't have to suffer alone. ((((Huggs))))

[i] <font color=purple> Absolve you to yourself, and you shall have the suffrage of the world." Ralph Waldo Emerson</font color=purple>

[Peanut61]

Like Purebugg said, Dreamer = you are NOT a burden! I hope you will keep posting = we would miss you if you didn't! Warmest regards, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>