[WannaBeMonk]

Okay, I am 23 years old. I go to school online because I got kicked off my campus. I crashed my car. I have not had sex in 3 years, I have no friends because all of my friends do drugs and can't hangout with them because last time I almost died for like the third time. I am on probation. I tried to talk to this girl I met today while I was doing my community service and play it cool and it's fine but I have this terrible feeling like nothing is going to happen, with anyone!! oh my god, I have had this feeling creep up on me for the last couple of months but tonight is just horrible. It is Friday night, and I have just watched 10 straight episodes of the office on netflix. My god!!!

[dailyhealing]

Hello and welcome to PC! I'm glad you are here. Your life sounds really difficult, I'm sorry things are like this right now. Things can change if you work at things. I'm curious, are you doing anything to try and take care of the symptoms you are having? I don't know if you have a diagnosis or anything like that... I'm glad you posted and hope you will keep posting on here!

hedllo and welcome to the forums!

i'm sorry you feel so lonely... we are all here for you

[Leed]

Hi ~ How about talking to the counselor on campus? Every college has a counselor and that's what they're there for. Try talking to him/her and see how it goes. They are VERY understanding, and will certainly know what you're talking about. Give it a try, huh?

Plus, try getting involved in some activities on campus. There MUST be some things going on that don't involve kids doing drugs. See what you can find -- there's always something going on at colleges. Try to get involved, and I'm sure you'll enjoy it.

But definitely talk to the counselor. And keep posting here cause we understand what it's like to be lonely. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[Sleeping_Panda]

I feel really lonely sometimes too. I've noticed that this can be a trigger for me where I fall into a funk easier. I also have the problem where my online classes prevent me from seeing people. Lately I've been trying to study in public places - the library, outside on campus, or in a place with free WiFi, like Starbucks.

[WannaBeMonk]

Hello All,

Thank you for replying, I really didn't think I would get responses so fast. Really means alot right now.

I talk to a therapist weekly and see a psychitrist. They had me on a anit-depressent anti-anxiety and an anti-psycohtic for a while, to help me get off fairly comfortably from all the drinking and smoking I was doing. Now I am on just on an anti depressent and kolonopin. I hate drugs though, they have completely ruined and almost taken my life a few times. My girlfriend broke up with me because she thought I was a lunatic and acted crazy when I was high.

Though I talk to my therapist and she does help somewhat cause she rationalizes my thinking, I don't feel like she really understands. Shes an older woman and I am a pretty young guy and we are from opposite ends of the country. Though, I know most humans feel this existential pain and confusion, I just don't think she can imagine the nightmares I have been through, being on the street, beggin for money from people, stealing from my mother because I just needed to get high so bad. This is horrible I know and I am so, so, so, ashamed, even though I have come a long way since then.

I do have my weeks where I am doing better than usual. I exercise, meditate, and read my scriptures. But something hits me every couple of weeks and I basically fall down a flight of stairs, which leaves me in a kind of comatose state for an indefinable amount of time. The light never stays consistent, always flickering.

I am trying to adjust to living sober but I have not been sober this long since before I was 13 years old. All these emotions are coming back up, I feel like my heart is just so so absolutely, completely broken, especially when I think about my ex and how much I screwed things up with her that she blocked me from her phone, email, etc. She was the one thing that was going right for me. Everytime I lay down to go to sleep my body stops as it hits the mattress but it feels like my heart just keeps dropping, though my bedroom floor and into a hole. I still picture her next to me. This is SO sad.

[EmptyPseudonym]

I don't know how long you've been talking to your therapist. Or if you've had one before. But if you feel a lack of empathy or understanding with her that can be a pretty big barrier to getting the right counseling. In a way empathy is a form of trust; and you need that for successful counseling. Your comments on being from another part of the country seems to indicate you feel she is missing some cultural or social norms for your area; which can also create a gap in understanding. If you haven't had many counselors in your life maybe you don't know what type of counselor is best for you. You might want to see if you can find someone who you feel can relate to you and understand you better. Have you considered a substance abuse counselor or group?

For me even when I'm around people I feel totally alone because there is this huge part of me (I don't think) they can understand. Its very isolating. And whatever relationship we have to each other has a superficialness to it. Also the feeling of loneliness is compounded after a brake up.