It's 2004...and nothing has changed...

So here we are, a brand new year, fresh new start....well, so much for that. I didn't even make it an hour in the new year without cutting, how pathetic is that? I know this isn't the SI board, so I won't go into it. Anyway, I'm just sick of everything, as usual. I hate myself, I hate the way I am, and the longer that I am like this, the further down I go. I don't know what to do. I know that you all want to help me, but it isn't helping anymore. I don't know if I should just leave or what...I mean this is so awful, I can't take it....I can't stand life anymore. I know, no suicidal posts...this isn't one...just a I'm tired and can't deal anymore post. I guess what I'm trying to say, is I may or may not be back, I just dont know. It all seems so damn pointless anymore, and I can't handle it.

[b]<font color=blue>"On the plus side you killed the bench, which was starting to look shifty."-Oz of Buffy the Vampire Slayer[b]<font color=blue>

Aaagh, ((((Dreamer))))... darn it, I wish things would start looking up for you.

I remember that hopeless, 'what's the point' feeling, but, thankfully, because of a good antidepressant primaily, (called 'celexa'),

I don't feel that badly now. I'm also exercising a lot which is really helping.

The cutting is a coping mechanism, right, so there is no inherent 'shame' in it = somehow, one needs to find a different way to gain relief from overwhelming emotions or empiness, etc., but I think that alternative 'way' is different for each person.

Is there even one thing that you feel good about yourself, (even sometimes), for? When I started being able to leave the house to go to the gym, it helped me to gain confidence, (over my panic attacks and resultant agoraphobia), to begin doing other things.

I hope you'll keep posting, if you are getting anything out of it at all, because I know that you are developing friendships here = people who care, (like me ). Warmest regards, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

Just sending love and many hugs your way. Why don't you hold on very tight to this forum and your new friends in here for a while and give time a chance. Sometime as days and nights goes by we come to see a bit more clearer and see what road to take to get better.

(((((((((((((((((((Dreamer))))))))))))))))Take good care!

nightdream

Dreamer;
I have been where you seem to be. I know how hopeless it can seem. My doctor made a promise to me, (a very risky thing for a psychiatrist to do, but he is an expert in this area and is not an ordinary doc by any means), he said that if I don't give up, and I go through the therapy that's needed to get through the pain, I would eventially feel better than ever before. HE WAS RIGHT! It has taken a long time, but I am having more and more of those days.

I don't know you so I can't assume anything, but one thing that helped me considerably is the Therapy called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, (DBT). It is a class /grouptherapy /individual therapy program that teaches skills in coping to replace the self abusive ones that we have learned so well. It is a very positive experience made for people like us. It takes a long time to retrain our brains from those hard wired coping mechanisms to new healthier ones but with the knowledge and practice and support of others, it has been a life saver for me and a life changing experience.

I don't know where there is a place near you that works with this but if you want some information on how to track it down, you can email me. I am not sure if it would be considered advertising if I put it here.

I wish you the best and hope that you can find the other side of this hell. listener

circumstances usually don't change overnight...but our attitude about these things can change. my nephew says, "it's all good" whenever ANYTHING happens bad or good. sometimes just to make it another day we do need to let some things just roll off our backs and say "it's all good" just to help change our perspective on things.

hope you can find it within yourself to keep going. ((((((Huggs)))))

[i] <font color=purple> Absolve you to yourself, and you shall have the suffrage of the world." Ralph Waldo Emerson</font color=purple>

Dreamer, you've got some really good advise here. But I hope you notice something very important. All of the posts included action... You need to take some action in order to start feeling better. It won't happen on it's own.

We're here to encourage you if you'll accept it. Hope you stick around but it's your choice.

I'm fairly new here but one thing that I've noticed is that friendships develop here. You do need to get help for yourself which is what I'm currently trying to do, and realizing how difficult it can be. One thing that a friend of mine says all the time and that I try to remember is just two words: "good times." He always says that whenever something funny happens or we talk about good times in the past. Just think about the good times.

Hang in there my friend-the others gave alot of good advice, just want you to know your OK in my book! I know nothing seems to change-it can be a very slow long process and someday you will feel better as long as you keep doing what you are doing now, which is takeing care of the most important--YOU

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((H U G S)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Take care,

KrazyKris

Krazy Kris

Spread the joy of a positive 2004 remember random acts of kindness

If you think you have totally gave up, you haven't, because you are here!